Guess I need to put out more...

veggieegarden

during my non FW! DH just told me he feels like he is being "used". He was half-joking, but I felt bad for him. Sex any other time just doesn't seem to interest me. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way.

ETA: spelling

PrimRoseMama

lennixe:

during my non FW! DH just told me he feels like he is being "used". He was half-joking, but I felt bad for him. Sex any other time just doesn't seem to interest me. Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I am reading your title as "put put" (like mini-golf) versus "put out". Auto-correct fail? Either way, definitely have non-TTC related sex. Otherwise it can get to one or both of the partners.

Usually sex is one of those things that the more you do it, the more you want to do it. So even if you don't feel up to at the time see if you can get him to massage you or watch a sexy movie together. I'm not saying ALL the time you don't feel up to it, but making sex a regular activity outside of fertile times will benefit both you & your partner.

reederah

I use to feel that way but then we decided to try for EOD since we just weaned DS and am hoping I'll ovulate anytime now. Anyways, we've been BDing at the least every 2 days if not EOD, so I'm so used to it that onthe third day I'm ready to go! You could always get some new lingerie or something to spice things up as well. Good luck!

AMB11

I was just thinking this this morning.  It's like we save up all month to hit the FW with everything we have.  It can be a complete energy zapper.  I do notice that DH and I get along a lot better when we're having sex regularly so it's worth the effort.

Kristi221

Nope, definitely not alone! I have a wuss of a sex drive so the fact that I'm initiating tells DH that I'm about to O. Poor guy definitely feels used. But I'm not getting turned down either! I try to throw in a random day now and then, or do things other than sex just to keep him on his toes.

Svenny1011

You are not alone, I promise. TTC can sorta stink, but you really have to make the effort during other times. My husband was feeling the same way - I was so focused on TTC that sex any other time was so uninteresting. I realized that I needed to get my head out of my a$$ and have sex more. I'm glad I did - now the TTC sex doesn't feel like a chore, and DH is happy b/c he doesn't feel so "used". We definitely aren't back to our pre-marriage and very early marriage levels, but I think that is just the way it goes! Good luck, and I'm sure it will get better for you.

wiggles527

MH pretty much told me the same thing last night.  He said he "would like to get on an EOD schedule no matter what."  I told him I'd have to check my schedule and pencil him in.  He just made it sound so matter-of-fact and that it was a business thing.  We usually try for EOD with a few days missed here and there.  I think he is feeling used as well

veggieegarden

Good to know I'm not the only one going through this. We do try for EOD, but I think most times he senses that I'm not into it and he gets turned off as well. I never wanted us to be one of those couples that scheduled sex, but it's starting to be that way. I wish I could turn off the ttc part of my brain and just go with the flow. I know I just need to make more of an effort.

SarahMeyer0823

My hubby was like this too when we first started. We've basically gotten on an EOD schedule...sometimes not EOD, but mostly. He hasn't said it once again. GL!

atelyce

DH has expressed the same thing to me recently. We have made sure to hit at least EOD, and he is loving it! It doesn't matter how tired we are, we still make an effort and neither of us regret it!

Raven01

PrimRoseMama:

Usually sex is one of those things that the more you do it, the more you want to do it. 

I agree with this completely. We haven't started TTC yet, but I was worried that when we do start, DH may feel "used". I've been making more of an effort and have found I'm more interested in sex now.

SandiaPinaMama

You aren't alone.  I have had times where I didn't wanna, but knew that he needed it.  However, for me, my sex drive has definitely fluxuated over the years, especially with the being on BCP, coming off BCP, getting KU, 2nd tri, PP insanity, BFing, mostly weaning....and now TTC again.  I guess what I mean is that it probably isn't a permanent feeling.   And the PPs are right.  The more you do it, the more you'll want to do it. 

jenaw84

We've had cycles where we hit ED in the FW and some where we maybe had 3 days then nothing then 2 of sex.  All together, it started to feel like we had to and no matter if we were tired, stressed or too busy we felt obligated to have sex.  This cycle H had the idea of sex in the AM, something I don't really enjoy, especially since he gets up for work at 4 am.  But I gotta say, it was a good idea and EOD I don't mind waking up early for us to enjoy that time before work while the pups are still asleep (I guess it's like sneaking it in and not worrying about them playing or tearing stuff up since we kick them out the bed).  Anyway, I guess I'm saying that changing it up has helped us and especially me.  There would be nights where we stayed up and by the time we should have had sex, I would fall asleep and miss out.