I told my mother off Thursday night during an hour and a half phone conversation. It included YEARS of resentment towards her, all finally coming to a head. I had mentioned on here that my family had been non-existent during the loss of my boys, and I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I'll try not to make this long.
So when I was in the hospital for a week (started on a Thursday with my water breaking and ended on a Thursday with the delivery of Zachary), MH was calling my father to give him daily updates. MH has a TON of resentment toward my parents for the way they treat me and lack of support (not only through this but my three surgeries, plus many other things), and finally called my dad on Wednesday night, almost a week after I'd gone into the hopsital and the night before I was induced, and told him he'd better get the f@# down here (my parents live an hour and a half away, but they act like it's a different country). So they came down after my delivery but it was awkward. So in the month between then and now, my father has called me a handful of times but my mother hasn't- she has only TEXTED me. I hadn't heard her voice for the entire month after the boys died. She would text me that she hoped I was relaxing but nothing more substantial. She would usually tell me something about her. I became stubborn and also refused to call, thinking she should be reaching out to me. What hurt me the most of that 4 days after I lost the boys she posted on facebook that she "so enjoyed the weekend" with her friends. I was livid.
On Thursday, after over a week of no texts, she texted the same BS. I sent her a private facebook message saying that I couldn't really convey how I was feeling through a text, that I was hurting really badly, and that I had been disappointed that she hadn't called in a month.
That night she called. I had no intentions when I picked up that phone to snap or be aggressive but something she said set the tone and I went off. She explained that the reason she hadn't called was because she and my father were so angry/upset by my husband's disrepectful phone call. They said he was drunk (which I know he wasn't) and was just going on and on for 15 minutes insulting them. Although MH could have probably handled the situation better, he was so angry at them for not coming to the hospital sooner, sending flowers, ANYTHING. I'm not angry with MH at all for sticking up for me.
The conversation took tons of crazy turns, laying so much out on the table. My mom is one to always compare something you're going through with herself. It drives people crazy. Well, my mom had a miscarriage when I was young. I think she was 6-8 weeks or so along. She was perhaps in the hospital for one day/night. She explained that "in her day" people didn't go visit people with miscarriages in the hospital and more of less said, "didn't make a big deal/moved on." I asked her if she had to deliver her baby? No. Did she hold him/her in her arms? No. I know a loss is a loss but how dare??
I am still so angry and I don't know if I can talk to my parents for quite a while. Even if they were upset with MH, it shouldn't have been a reason not to reach out to me during the most difficult time of my life. While perhaps we'll be able to be civil to each other at some point down the road, I will never forgive that.
Oddly, I am left feeling a bit empowered. While I still grieve for my sons and will not just "move on," I am determined to have a family and break the cycle of crappy mothers. I will do anything to make that happen, with or without her support.
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My Blog: http://theunfixableme.blogspot.com/