WWYD? Sort of baby related, sort of not...

ChristyML

My MIL has 6 children. I am married to her oldest son, and he has a twin sister who lives in the same town we do.

My parents in law live about 1.5 hours away from us, but they come here at least once a month to do bulk shopping (they live in a very small town of about 1K people, we live in a town of about 30K).

Whenever MIL and FIL come to our town, they usually don't tell my husband and/or me, which I think is a little rude, seeing as we can't travel to them very often. Whenever they come to town though, they always call my SIL to see if she wants to do something (like today it was to go see a movie). MH and I usually hear of it after they've gone home.

It makes me sad that they don't make an effort to see my husband as much as they make an effort to see their daughter. I don't know if I should say something to someone or not. My husband doesn't seem to see it, or he doesn't care...and I would be able to tell if he was offended by it. I don't know if I should say something or not now, since we are having a baby, and he is their first grandchild. I have made quite a large effort to get my husband and his parents (at least his parents; I've tried with his siblings as well) to talk or see each other more. I was actually accused by his twin sister that I was "breaking up their family" when in reality, I was trying really hard NOT to. Also, my MIL has been treating me pretty crappy lately (interrupting me to say something that happened to her, taking anything I say and make it about her daughter or twisting it to make me look bad, or just plain telling me that I am a spoiled rotten brat, etc).

My question, I guess is, should I say something at all, should I stop trying to get my husband and his family to talk more (which I've started to do; although I would never try to "break up" their family), or what? I think I am more worried about them not seeming to care about the baby more, just because my husband seems to not care about his own relationship with his parents.... I don't have a problem with not seeing them as much (they have some issues and personality traits that I find not enjoyable to be around), but I also do not like being accused that I am breaking up their family....

Basically, all I want to know is, am I being awful if I just sort of "forget" them, and if they want something they can call us, or would any of you do that? 

ETA: I don't know if I want them to be around the baby that much if they are going to be rude to me, and not seem to care about my husband....I mean, I don't want them to coo over him when he's a baby, and then not give a crap about him when he's older.... 

Mystisai

If he doesn't seem to be bothered by it, and you don't really want them around, and they don't seem to want to be around, I really don't see what the problem is.

 

Just because you married into the family, doesn't mean you have to be best friends with them. 

IEtoLA

I would leave it alone.  If your DH isn't bothered by it, leave it alone.  I see my parents tons and they rarely see my sister and brother.  It's just the way it goes.  As far as The way they treat you, have your DH address it also.  DH's family is difficult to say the least, but I get along withal of them and for the most part I have no problem speaking my mind as it things happen so they can't step all over me.  My MIL on the other hand is a piece of work and has been mean to me all along.  I just continued to try and be nice.  Having DD#1 didn't change anything on her behalf.  She admitted to DH after he finally talked to her about all the years of crap I got from her and she said there was no reason for it, she was sorry and things would change.  That was 2.5 years ago and she still acts the same way.  Grandchildren don't change people unless they want the change.  Regardless, have your DH address it.

[Deleted User]

Mystisai:

If he doesn't seem to be bothered by it, and you don't really want them around, and they don't seem to want to be around, I really don't see what the problem is.

 

Just because you married into the family, doesn't mean you have to be best friends with them. 

All of this. I don't get why you care more than your husband...You don't even really seem to like his family all that much. If they don't want to try, why would you try to make them? 

ni077169

Leave it be... It would just give them more ammo to accuse you of trying to break up their family (not saying you are, but I could just see someone saying something like that, given what you have told us). Who knows, once they see their grand kid, they will probably start singing a different tune. 

cwm11985

MrsNorry:

Mystisai:

If he doesn't seem to be bothered by it, and you don't really want them around, and they don't seem to want to be around, I really don't see what the problem is.

 

Just because you married into the family, doesn't mean you have to be best friends with them. 

All of this. I don't get why you care more than your husband...You don't even really seem to like his family all that much. If they don't want to try, why would you try to make them? 

 

This.  Its your husband's family, not yours.  If he really did care about the situation (which he doesn't) it would be his responsibility to step up and say something.  Since you don't even like them, why do you want to see them so much? You don't have to be BFFs with your in laws, especially since its not like they are trying to be.

isacdimi10

If he's not bothered by it I don't think you should bring anything up. Some families just aren't close. Even if they're close to your SIL doesn't mean they'll be super close to you guys.

MCookie816

I may be mistaken but don't you not like your MIL? I seem to remember a few posts in which you complained about her, maybe that is why they don't make an effort to hang out with you. I wouldn't go out of my way to make plans to see someone who I perceived didn't care for me. 

As for the baby maybe he will be a sort of common ground for you all bringing them closer to your DH. 

rakle99

Your inlaws seem to have a certain dynamic that works for them, and they may feel you are 'breaking up their family' because you are trying to change it. Sometimes you can't change the way things are, and if your husband doesn't want things to change either, why are you even getting involved? If that's the way they want to be, let them be that way. You, your husband, and your children can develop healthy relationships with other people.