focus on life or loss?

newtonk

Ok, so this is an odd situation. My LO is scheduled to arrive on Nov. 5^th via C-Section, my husband?s aunt will have died a year ago on that date. I live in the same town with all the immediate family members who are still morning the loss of their mother, wife, sister etc. If I stay with this scheduled due date, I?m concerned that they will be confused as to whether they should celebrate the arrival of a baby girl to the family or focus on morning  their loss? Some sound advice would be greatly appreciated.   

lidleybosch

I think most people would find the arrival of your LO as a blessing and focus on that.  I think you should focus on the healthy delivery of your child and not worry about other folks.

TaylorP5

My sister wanted to get married on June 4th. That's the day my mom died. She said it was a way of remembering my mom. I told her to go for it.

denise_m

Personally, if it were me, since it's only been a year, I would consider changing the date. Even by a day. 

While it is his aunt, it's his cousins mother, his mom/dad's sister and his grandparents daughter. The people who are closest to her will mourn that day, at least for the first year or two. They will be torn between how to feel and how to honor their loved one.

I don't know if they have any traditions for "angel days" but in our family we visit the cemetery with flowers.  

Sharon&Paul

When my first daughter was born my DH's grandmother died hours later (Same day). We did not get to pick the day she was born or his grandmother dying, but it has brought happiness to a sad day for our family. I do always remember his grandmother on that day and how excited she was to meet this baby. Sadly she never did. I feel it is all part of God's plan.

KellersPrag

My LO is due September 21. My mother died on September 20, a few years back. I think if my LO arrived on that day, it would be absolutely amazing for anyone in my family and for me.

I feel that it would be the same whether it is a year out or ten years out. I wouldn't change it.

DelBride2012

I think it's very considerate of you to consider changing the date to give your relatives the space to be able to focus both on their loss and also the new life. If the date is easy to move, I would. 

tinktink20

I would ask family members what they think.  I think their feelings about it should determine your decision.  Maybe they'd like a happy event to happen the same day or maybe they're not ready.

mrs.kapow

My MIL passed the day after DD was born (shortly after finding out her name). It sucks, honestly, but DD was a really bright spot in a dark time for us.

That said, if I were able to, I would move the birth to a day or two after the anniversary of the passing so they have time to grieve and something to look forward to. 

melindam

I would not change it but I would prepare myself for people to talk about the circle of life and how life and death are so connected.  It's comforting in a way to look at a new baby and know that even when we all pass on, a little piece of us is born again in the children that follow.

newtonk

Thank you ladies for all of the great feedback, I really appreciate it.

CraftyKayla

I think people will think of it as a celebration of life. It will probably make the day a little more bearable even for your aunt's immediate family knowing there's a new life coming into the world that day.

willowdust7

I would move it by a day or two.

My grandpa passed away on my 11th Bday and for years my mom would say "Happy Birthday. You are x years old and it's x years since your grandpa passed away" . Granted, my mom is not a good example of rational person, but if you have a choice, I would move it.

Chocodoxies

This may seem way off the mark but bare with me. We named my DD Monica, totally forgetting that my cousin's wife took of with his best friend and irreversibly scarred him and her name was also Monica. At first family members would scoff at her name (we realized this comparison after she was home and named) and call her by her middle name. Not to long ago, a family member called me to say they were so happy that we named our daughter Monica as it gave them a chance to forget the negative association and move on. In a similar vein, I would think your family might feel confused at first, but come to love that her birth remarked the day allowing them to focus on their mother's life and not her date of death. Just my opinion. 

JLSmith124

That's tough and I'm sorry you have to make this decision. If you find yourself/other family members having trouble with both happening on that day, I would consider changing the date to let them grieve still. 

wuhhoo

DelBride2012:

I think it's very considerate of you to consider changing the date to give your relatives the space to be able to focus both on their loss and also the new life. If the date is easy to move, I would. 

 

This!

mandask4

My aunt died 2 years ago on the date when our little peanut is due.  However I cannot change the date.  I have talked with my SO and my mom (my mom's sister(my aunt)) and said if by chance it was a girl and was born on that day (which is alot of what if's) then we could possibly name her middle name after her.  My mom thought it was a nice idea.