Older nearly ASD Teen question

sweetie0228

My DS is turning 13 and he was Dx'd with Asperger's last November.  He also has ADHD and probably SPD.  My specific question is, since we've been open with him about what his testing was for and what his dx is and what that means and he's started Social Skills classes and started and IEP last year he has developed the attitude of "I have autism and I can do what I want"

He's become more manipulative about doing anything for himself and seems to retreat into his "inner world" more because he can.

I want to be able to appropriately support him but I'm feeling like he's taking advantage of it so he can concentrate on his special interests or ...being a teenaged lazy boy.

I've seen situationally, like when he's in Boy Scouts they don't let him get away w/ his crap, and he has to pull his weight at camp and at the meetings.  Yet when he sees a weekness say of me or my parents he pulls the I can't do it I have autism.  You know you can't use idioms with me I have autism.

He makes himself seem to be more disadvataged than he is.  Yes, he truely has Autism, Yes, things are harder for him to do but he doesn't seem to grasp that he actually has to work at things and that the supports are there jsut so he doesn't struggle.

Frustrated.

I know most here have much younger kids, so I'm looking for anyone who might be able to tell me if some of this "backsliding/mainpulation" is part of knowing his dx and being too smart for his own good.  And any suggestions to nip this attitude in the bud.

 

Thanks

sweetie0228

Thank you!  I feel validated and helped.

I have noticed some of his friends pulling away while they have delays or severe food allergies that kinda keeps them in the same social circle as my son they are emotionally maturing on time, such as his friend who is discovering that girls exist and are pretty.  I think my ds might be feeling a little left behind. That probably is the upswing in the SI retreating.  I was using it more of a motivational...if you do such and such you can have 15 minutes to talk to me about SI or 30 mins to read/research or whatever it is you do to know so much about dinosaurs (we're back to dinosaurs)

I'll see what I can do about getting him into his therapist and working about rebalancing his life.

kyethra

The truth is the opposite.  Having an ASD, or any disability, means that one has to work harder and do even more for themselves, at least if that person wants to be sucessful.  I know some young adults and not so young adults with Asperger's that pride themselves on having it and say it makes them who they are.  I am very critical of that attitude.  How about having pride in doing what you do and being who you are despite having something like an ASD?  I've seen this pride and identification mean to them that it isn't their fault they don't have friends, etc.  But the truth is that it just means those things take more work.  As an adult you need to be able to figure out what you want and how you can get that.  I know adults who really wish that people were friends with them, but they don't do anything to initiate that friendship or work on keeping it.  And that probably means learning social skills, maybe working with professionals, etc.  Supports are meant to make things possible, not to make every thing easy.