Parenting

purpose of not inviting children/babies to wedding?

One of DH's best friends is getting married out of state in the fall. We've been told that their nieces and nephews are the only children/babies allowed to attend, which means we need to either a.) leave LO with someone for 3 days or b.) bring a sitter with us-neither of which is desirable. What's the purpose of not inviting children to a wedding? In our family, every events is all about the kids, so this is weird to me.

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Re: purpose of not inviting children/babies to wedding?

  • I had invite that said (hand written) "no children please" it made me feel weird like just tell me, it was a good friends wedding. but i completely understand because you don't want them crying or making noise during your vows
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  • Because kids are annoying at weddings, can cause a ruckus and generally won't sit still the entire time.

    Like, duh.  

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  • I think I did this but my flower girls and ring bearer were allowed there.  My SIL and my Sister are both doing this as well.  I think the point is because they want the adults to have a good time and not worry about kids running all over the place.  Luckily my DS is in my sister's upcoming wedding and will be allowed to be there because otherwise we would have had a problem.

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  • Our wedding was adults only, it was not written on the invitation but it was understood because they were not included in the address.  It was a saturday night, black tie affair and not an appropriate place for kids.  

    People are entitled to want adults only parties and it has nothing to do with a kid possibly making noise or taking attention away from the bride.   

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  • Because even if your kid is an angel, there are always going to be parents who don't parent.  I don't blame the kids because sitting through a ceremony is tough, the night is generally late and I think parents ignore a child's limits because they want to be there/don't want to leave early.
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  • This is a question for snarky brides if ever there was one. 
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  • Dude, come on. They want to celebrate with you, but don't give two shiits about celebrating with your kid.  If they let everyone bring kids they might not have room for guests they actually care to see.  

    Its pretty normal to let nieces and nephews attend, and not children of other guests.  


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  • imagechristie522:
    This is a question for snarky brides if ever there was one. 

    Honestly I expect this question on December 12. "omgah, why isn't my pwecious invited?! LO is the most amazing baby ever and someone else's wedding, that they spent 20$k on, IS ALL ABOUT ME GODDAMN IT" 

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  • I think there are financial issues too. You pay per head at the reception, and kids, if they take up a chair, count the same as an adult, so if everyone brought their kids, it would get really effing expensive.

    Not to mention that kids can get really bored.

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  • aforstaforst member
    We put on our invites that an "adult reception" would follow the ceremony.  My niece and nephew were there b/c they were in the wedding.  It was at a point where none of our friends had kids yet, so it wasn't a big deal.  To be completely honest, it was our day and that's how we wanted it.  If people had declined to come b/c they couldn't find a sitter or didn't want to leave their kids, I would have understood.  It wasn't about anyone stealing my thunder.
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  • We did this, for all of the reasons listed above, but also offered babysitting to the out of town guests. Nobody took us up on our offer though and worked it out. We still wound up with 2 kids at the wedding. One of them fell asleep on the lounge furniture surrounding the dance floor. The others parents had to cut out about an hour into the reception for bed time.
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  • Well...I def wasn't a snarky bride!!!! ha ha but we just had DH's nieces and nephews (which was like 10) b/c we paid for everything ourselves and if everyone would have brought all their kids..........we wouldn't of had a wedding.  All the meals and drinks add up.  That was why.....If money wasn't a factor I wouldn't have cared one bit.............

    Now present day if I was invited to a wedding for only adults...it would def suck since i couldnt bring mine......but I think i would understand...unless they WEREN'T paying for the wedding ha ha  j/k

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  • I don't care if children are invited or not, but why would you want to take them unless it's close family anyways?

    When my cousin got married, one of my children was in the wedding and the rest were invited. Of course we took them. DH and I were able to dance while family hung out with them.

    DH's friend got married and even thougt the children were invited, we left them at home. That would've been boring for us and them.

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  • Kids ruin the fun. I don't want a screaming kid ruining my free alcohol buzz.

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  • Depends on if the event is formal or not. I think little kids dont need to be at a black tie affair, but if it were a casual thing I would be confused. I wouldn't be that mad if a baby started crying during my vows. However the reception could get kind of wild so I think all the kids should leave by a certain time.

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  • It our case, it was a black tie wedding and the cost per head was just too high to "waste" it on kids.  Also, at the time, very few of my friends had kids and almost all of my family members did not have young children anymore either.  Our rule only really kept a few people from coming.
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  • imagetwatley:

    Several reasons:

    1. cheap people are cheap
    2. people who don't have kids don't realize how awesome kids are.
    3. brides are attention whores and god forbid a small person steal their thunder.
    4. sucks they don't understand kids get the dance party started.

    /sarcasm

    FTFY

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  • ames71ames71 member
    imagekielpinskim:

    What's the purpose of not inviting children to a wedding? In our family, every events is all about the kids, so this is weird to me.

    Because weddings are, in fact, not about the kids. Especially someone else's. I don't think it's weird at all.

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  • imagedangerkitty102:
    We did this, for all of the reasons listed above, but also offered babysitting to the out of town guests.

    Ditto.  We had an evening ceremony/reception.  I wouldn't have a problem getting an invite that said "no children."  But obvi b/c I felt that way about my wedding!



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  • imagetwatley:
    It's definitely all about the thievery of thunder. 

    Totally disagree.

    If I were to get married today, I would want my guests to drink, let loose and have a good time. This is not possible if you are taking care of a baby or chasing your toddler around. 

    Thank goodness when I got married at the age of 25 none of my friends or siblings or cousins had kids yet so this wasn't an issue for us. Today, almost all of us have kids. If everyone brought their kids there would be over 40 babies and children at the wedding. That does NOT sound like a good time. Especially at a formal event with an open bar.

     

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  • imageames17:
    imagekielpinskim:

    What's the purpose of not inviting children to a wedding? In our family, every events is all about the kids, so this is weird to me.

    Because weddings are, in fact, not about the kids. Especially someone else's. I don't think it's weird at all.

    Perfectly said!  I've never understood what people don't understand about kids not being invited.  There are a million reasons why people don't invite kids.  And I don't understand why parents can't go out w/o their children on occasion.  I adore my son and spending time w/ him, but I also really enjoy adult time too! 
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  • Or,hey,maybe they just hate your kid individually. Ya never know. 
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  • image+SMACE+:

    imagechristie522:
    This is a question for snarky brides if ever there was one. 

    Honestly I expect this question on December 12. "omgah, why isn't my pwecious invited?! LO is the most amazing baby ever and someone else's wedding, that they spent 20$k on, IS ALL ABOUT ME GODDAMN IT" 

    Do it!!! Go, post it NOW!  It can be your grab re-entrance. 
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  • There could be many reasons from not being able to afford the extra guests (some places charge the same amount or close to it for each child) to just not wanting a lot of children at their event.

    In my family it's usually only teenagers who are allowed to go and the younger children stay home. I only invited the kids who were in the bridal party who happened to be my nieces and nephews. (a few babies had to go too) A wedding can be a kid friendly event but shouldn't be all about the kids since it's supposed to be all about the marriage. It's really just up to the bridal couple and their wishes. So you can do either of your stated options or just stay home which the couple would have to respect since they made the choice not to have kids there.

  • imagetwatley:
    It's definitely all about the thievery of thunder. 

     Not always. My nieces and nephews were all there (ages 1, 2, 3, 4, 8,10, and 11) but no other kids were invited. It had nothing to do with wanting kids there or not; it was about paying for someone else's kid to NOT eat a $25 meal. I wanted my nieces/nephews there badly enough to suck up the cost, but random child of second cousin? Nope.

     

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  • imagetwatley:

    Several reasons:

    1. cheap people are cheap
    2. people who don't have kids don't realize how awesome kids are.
    3. brides are attention whores and god forbid a small person steal their thunder.
    4. sucks they don't understand kids get the dance party started.

    You are just wrong on so many levels when answering this question. I assume you don't actually mean any of it. EDIT

  • "Every event is all about the kids..."

    Unless the couple already has kids, this isn't true for a wedding... it's about celebrating the bride and groom- two adults. We got married after having DD and did this with the exception of our own. The purpose was that the space we decided on had a limit on the # of guests.. what's the easiest way to cut the guest list? No kids invited... they certainly were not as hurt as some of our family and friends would have been had they not been invited. We were also paying for the wedding ourselves and the venue wanted to charge us a FULL $150 per kid.. they did not do kid's meals and nor did I expect them to.

    So all in all:

    1. Budget

    2. Space/Guest Count

  • Misc. Bombs

    Twats needs a sarcasm font for a few people here. lol

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  • imageScout2005:
    imageblush64:
    imagetwatley:

    Several reasons:

    1. cheap people are cheap
    2. people who don't have kids don't realize how awesome kids are.
    3. brides are attention whores and god forbid a small person steal their thunder.
    4. sucks they don't understand kids get the dance party started.

    You are just wrong on so many levels when answering this question.

    Is your sarcasm meter really this broken? 

    I acutally just EDITed that .

    EDIT I think and type and press enter at different speeds. That, and unfortunately I know several people who fully believe what is written. (not close friends)

    EDIT I don't know anyone here so, yes, it's hard to tell when someone means something. I fully admit that I have to add a lot of edits.

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  • imageBrie2006:

    imagetwatley:
    It's definitely all about the thievery of thunder. 

    Totally disagree.

    If I were to get married today, I would want my guests to drink, let loose and have a good time. This is not possible if you are taking care of a baby or chasing your toddler around. 

    Thank goodness when I got married at the age of 25 none of my friends or siblings or cousins had kids yet so this wasn't an issue for us. Today, almost all of us have kids. If everyone brought their kids there would be over 40 babies and children at the wedding. That does NOT sound like a good time. Especially at a formal event with an open bar.

     

    I agree with this, but I also think that most parents are able to judge for themselves whether or not it's appropriate for their children to attend.  If one of my college girlfriends is getting married and it's a formal evening wedding and I want to cut loose, I'll absolutely leave the kid at home.  A longtime family friend or a cousin having a laidback afternoon wedding?  I wouldn't see an issue with having a kid there. (These scenarios assume kids are invited, btw--of course I would respect the wishes of the couple). 

    We didn't boycott kids at our wedding because we didn't want any of our friends to have to make the choice not to come on account of our own preferences.  We didn't invite anyone that we didn't want to be there--it meant more to me to have these people present than not, even if they came with kids.  Most people left their kids at home.  A few people brought them and it didn't affect "our day" or my personal thunder at all.

  • Wanted to add - we took DS to a wedding this past October when he was 16 months old. He wasn't quite walking yet and doing a lot of Mowgli crawling as his preferred method of getting around. It was a family wedding and kid friendly, all his little cousins were there too.

    Anyways, even though we had grandparents and aunts and uncles all there to help with DS, DH and I were MISERABLE. We were not able to enjoy the party at all because we were constantly having to chase our kid as he mowgli'd off to the other end of the reception hall, across the dance floor - totally getting in the way of people actually trying to dance, and his greatest form of entertainment was climbing up and down the steps to this stage where the wedding cakes were displayed. Yeah couldn't just let him loose or there would have been a smashed cake and a really pissed off bride. I would have much rather gotten a sitter for the night but we were actually pressured into bringing him because that side of the family only sees him maybe once a year and a lot of relatives had never met him. But yeah - it sucked.

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  • aforstaforst member
    imageKlondikeBar:

    Misc. Bombs

    Twats needs a sarcasm font for a few people here. lol

    yeah...I failed on that one.

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  • Kids are pyros. That's why.

     

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  • imageScout2005:

    Oy.

    It's someone else's wedding, that they are hosting. They don't have to have a "purpose" in deciding to make it adult's only. It's their call, and there is nothing wrong with it.

    Maybe they don't feel like shelling out for a bunch of kid's menus, and having children running all over their formal event. And you know what? I don't blame them at all.

    I love my kid. She doesn't need to be included in everyone else's plans. It's my job to figure out care for her or decline if that isn't possible. I don't get bent out of shape about it. 

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  • imageSarahL77:
    imageScout2005:

    Oy.

    It's someone else's wedding, that they are hosting. They don't have to have a "purpose" in deciding to make it adult's only. It's their call, and there is nothing wrong with it.

    Maybe they don't feel like shelling out for a bunch of kid's menus, and having children running all over their formal event. And you know what? I don't blame them at all.

    I love my kid. She doesn't need to be included in everyone else's plans. It's my job to figure out care for her or decline if that isn't possible. I don't get bent out of shape about it. 

    I have a major, creepy, girl crush on you.  

    Hands off. She's mine, b?tch 

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  • I think it really depends on the wedding.

    I think it's inappropriate to bring kids to a formal wedding that starts at 6. It's evening. Ceremonies are sometimes long and the crowd should be silent. People are drinking until late in the evening. Why would someone bring a kid to that (outside of maybe kids of the couple or the flower girl)?

    Now if it's a more child-friendly, casual afternoon wedding, then maybe you allow kids. Even still, if it's at a venue, you pay per person, so your friend's 2 year old who doesn't eat anything besides peanut butter and jelly is charged like an adult. It can make weddings a whole lot more expensive, especially if the couple is of an age where most of their friends/family has young children.

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  • There is a difference between family and friends. I went to a friends wedding and her families children were there, I was not offended my lo wasn't invited.I understood. Now we have a family wedding coming up where certain children are invited and not others, so we will not be attending
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