Family awkwardness

ASmallWonder · June 2012

My BIL cheated on his wife (who everyone hated - I am NOT excusing his behavior but giving you an idea that the family isn't all torn up about it) with a colleage who was also married. Two divorces are now in the works (thankfully he doesn't have kids but she does have one).

We went to visit over the weekend and BIL brought his new woman over to meet us and I do honestly think she's very nice and she seems to be really supportive of BIL reconnecting with all of us. According to him, his wife always threw out party invites, cards anyone sent, etc. She was verbally abusive and would berate him about wanting to spend time with family, wouldn't join him at things and would yell at him when he'd get home from visiting so he just stopped.

The super awkward part is that we had to sit there and listen to both of them talking about how the scorned wife & husband have joined forces to remove expensive and sentimental items from the two homes. They went on and on about how horrible they're being and all I could think was "Eh, ok maybe your spouses are asses. But you CHEATED on them. How the hell did you THINK this was going to go?" Ugh.

write2nicole · June 2012

I'm surprised no one said anything to that effect. I get being polite, but I think if I had to listen to that, I would probably interject a, "Yes, that's very upsetting for you, but I'm sure s/he is very, very hurt at the loss of the marriage and the life s/he thought you were building together." I would assume vocalizing a little empathy for the scorned exes would shut them up.

Manateearmz · June 2012

I bet that had a few moments of awkward silence.

TunaTown · June 2012

You can always change the subject.

My BIL divorced his crazy wife. It was a pretty bad situation. He's now remarried. But everytime we get together with my IL's, someone brings up the subject of the crazy ex-wife and it turns into a rip fest and all the bad things that happened during the divorce are rehashed. I've gotten to where I'll say "Let's talk about something else. We don't need that negative energy around here, and I'm not letting that woman have power over me." And then I'll bring up a different subject. Works every time.

ASmallWonder · June 2012

TunaTown:

You can always change the subject.

My BIL divorced his crazy wife. It was a pretty bad situation. He's now remarried. But everytime we get together with my IL's, someone brings up the subject of the crazy ex-wife and it turns into a rip fest and all the bad things that happened during the divorce are rehashed. I've gotten to where I'll say "Let's talk about something else. We don't need that negative energy around here, and I'm not letting that woman have power over me." And then I'll bring up a different subject. Works every time.

It's hard because it's happening right now so it's not a rehash but more of a "Day in the Life" thing. Plus, my MIL HATES the ex-wife to be and is fully supportive of the new relationship. I mean, we all are supportive, we just all recognize that it happened in a bad way. He's an adult and he's happy so fine. My DH did say to him "Well, I think it's fair to say they're reacting in the way most people do when this happens."

ASmallWonder · June 2012

MandJS:
Your family stories are always better than fiction. Sorry you had to deal with that awkwardness, but yay for a better woman in your BILs life, I guess?

No shitt, right? I mean, my mother stories top ANY of this stuff but still I AM happy if BIL is happy because I know he hasn't been for years. They've slept in separate rooms for 14 years and it's not because anyone snores. They seriously were roommates. I just feel really strongly that he needed to man up and move out/separate before starting a new relationship.

Fianschneid · June 2012

elmoali:
TunaTown:

You can always change the subject.

My BIL divorced his crazy wife. It was a pretty bad situation. He's now remarried. But everytime we get together with my IL's, someone brings up the subject of the crazy ex-wife and it turns into a rip fest and all the bad things that happened during the divorce are rehashed. I've gotten to where I'll say "Let's talk about something else. We don't need that negative energy around here, and I'm not letting that woman have power over me." And then I'll bring up a different subject. Works every time.

It's hard because it's happening right now so it's not a rehash but more of a "Day in the Life" thing. Plus, my MIL HATES the ex-wife to be and is fully supportive of the new relationship. I mean, we all are supportive, we just all recognize that it happened in a bad way. He's an adult and he's happy so fine. My DH did say to him "Well, I think it's fair to say they're reacting in the way most people do when this happens."

Probably the best thing to say. How awkward!