Newbie intro & IVF concerns-long

Hopeful1981

Hello, I am a random lurker and decided to make it official.  I am 30, DH is 41.  We have been TTC for just under 18 months (I was on BCP for 12 years prior).  About six months in we started doing all the tests and everything was reported to be fine (DH has awesome sperm).  Our OB/GYN had us do a round on Clomid (unmonitored since it was the OB/GYN, and unsuccessful).

We then moved on to our RE (who we LOVE) who says I have PCOS and am IR.  This was hard for me to accept due to the fact I had no symptoms--my BMI is 21-22 and my periods were like clockwork every 28-30 days.  So I started metformin.  I did have a cyst (prob from the Clomid) that I needed a laparascopic surgery to remove, and he found very mild endometriosis while he was in, which was removed.  The highest my FSH has been was 11, just very slightly elevated.

We then did two rounds of IUI with Femara, responded great to meds but both unsuccesful.  I then decided to do an unmedicated IUI cycle and that was unsuccessful too.  But the monitoring of the unmedicated cycle showed I do ovulate, my follies grow well, my lining is thick and lush.  So then we planned an IVF cycle since the RE had concerns about eqq quality.

I had my ER on Friday 6/15.  They got 14 eggs.  They called on Saturday 6/16 with report that 11 fertilized and we would likely do 5day ET.  DH and I were elated that so many fertilized and we got super optimistic and relief that we most likely didn't have an egg issue since so many fertilized and we would have a ton to freeze, etc. 

WRONG.  Got the call on day 3 to come in for ET since only 3 embryos were just okay.  The best we had was one 8-cell grade 2, one 6-cell grade 1 and one 6-cell grade 2.  (Grade 0-4, with 0 being best).  The rest they are letting grow for a couple days to see if quality improves, but RE said most likely there won't be any to freeze.  They did transer the 3 "best" embryos, but RE said with this quality we are only looking at 25% chance of BFP, as opposed to 60%+ with good eggs.

I am devastated and don't know what to do or how to think and I just don't know how much more I can handle at this point.  The constant doctor appointments, meds, and monitoring are really weighing on me.  DH and I hoped for a house full of kids (at least 4) and with him being 41, we feel like time is slowly slipping.  I don't want my husband to be 50 years old, taking care of an infant!  Plus none of our family or friends knows anything about this and I am getting to the point where I want to talk about this with people who understand.  For the life of me I never imagined it would take a village for us to bring a child into our lives.  And even if I do get pregnant this IVF cycle, the thought of a MC is not far from my mind.  I feel like I am being crushed by so many "what if" thoughts and don't know where to go from here.

theworms

GL with your journey.

 

Please intro on the Infertility board.  

SweetDahlia

Infertility sucks. Good luck with your cycle. I do think the Infertility board is where you need to start. This board is for people who have been on the IF board for 6 or more months. Most of us have been around for 4 plus years. This is the a place for the people who have been around the block a lot and are stuck in the trenches.