SD's Sudden Outburst

rachi1285

SD just turned 7 last week and her parents have been divorced since she was 2.5 (I've been around for 3 years). We have her and her brother every day this week but BM and her BF picked them up from daycare yesterday for a couple hours before dropping them off at home. As soon as BM left, SD started crying and had a bit of a fit, telling DH that she's sick of going back and forth (between her two homes) all the time. She misses BM when she's at our house and misses DH and me (yes, she mentioned me) when she's with BM. DH told her he's sorry she has to deal with it, and that yes it does suck, and he explained how he went through the same thing as a kid. He told her she can call BM anytime when she's at our house, and he prayed with her. She calmed down and was fine, especially after just us three sat on the couch and goofed off for a bit before bed. Once she was in bed, DH ran to the store quick. SD heard the garage door open and freaked out, screaming out the window and running down the stairs. Once I got to her she calmed down since she knew she wasn't alone, but it took her a long time to fall asleep.

This is only the second time she's reacted like this since the divorce. The first time was right after it happened. I'm assuming it's because of changes at BM's house; BF moving in, BM moving all of them to a new place in a month, her BF telling the kids they're geting married (BM has not confirmed or denied)... But neither of the kids acted this way when DH and I got married a year ago, or when we moved to a new place. We talk with the kids about having another child and moving again soon and they're always excited about the changes. I guess I'm just looking for advice on what to say to SD. I don't want to talk to BM about it because I know she'll turn it into something DH and I have done wrong. Also, SS (4.5) hasn't said anything about all this and seems to be unaffected (maybe because he was younger when it all went down?). We haven't had to deal with this before!

Littlejen22

Bring her to a pedi and talk to th school if she is still in. Not to be an alarmist but my first thought is her Mom leaving her alone or alone with the boyfriend and him abusing her. Did oh ask why she was scared when the door closed?

CFjo2010

Littlejen22:

Bring her to a pedi and talk to th school if she is still in. Not to be an alarmist but my first thought is her Mom leaving her alone or alone with the boyfriend and him abusing her. Did oh ask why she was scared when the door closed?

^^ This.  Take her to her pedi and see if they'll give you a referral for counseling.  SD has been having a lot of change in her life.  BM's most recent change of circumstances may not be causing the outburst, it may have just been the breaking point for your SD.  It never hurts to have an unbiased third party talk with kids and help them work through things.   

kali55

I think you guys handled it really well by talking about her feelings and then praying. I would also recommend a trip to the doctor as her freak out is a little unusual and you want to make sure it's not because of something more serious

xmaryrickx

To me, it seems more like there is now too much change for her and she is having a hard time dealing with it. Sounds like moms house was calm and steady until boyfriend moved in, BM moving, a potential marriage. Add that to you guys getting married and moving in the last year and talk about a baby and moving again that is A LOT for anyone much less a child. I think taking the change talks down a notch and keeping things stable and consistent for a while will do her a world of good. Kids don't need to deal with grown up issues. Yes it's important to prepare them for change, but in an age appropriate way.