Is your circumcision choice the same as the baby's fathers? (poll)

hooslisa · June 2012

[poll]

So, if we have a boy, i'm leaning toward opting out of the circumcision. My husband, however, is in favor of it. His reasons are purely social in nature. He is circumcised and has a view that to not have it done would be "gross" (his word, not mine). I get his rationale because it's all he's known. Truthfully, I don't really feel like I can counter this with personal evidence because I have no experience with, nor have I ever seen, in-person, an uncircumcised penis. If I'm being honest, It would have probably caught me by surprise if I had ever come face to face with one (pardon the visual).

I am, however, leaning toward opting out of this because I do not typically support medical procedures done without medical cause. it seems, to me, that the medical backing for this is waning. Also because, while it's foreign to our family, it seems like uncirced is going to be the new normal in the US by the time our little boys start using their equipment (circumcision rates are currently close to 50/50).

So, I guess my questions on this are:

how much of your decision is based on what set-up its father is rocking?

if you are choosing a different option than the father, what went into your thought process? Was it mostly your decision or does he agree entirely?

What evidence did he need to choose an option different than his own?

My DH is a reasonable, open-minded man and is open to discussion. I'd just like to know what went into the decision in your family.

Thanks!

jessalynn521 · June 2012

We are opting to do it in part because of the two men we have known that were un-circumcised. They both opted to have it done at a later age (One at 16 the other at 18.) Both suffered several infections growing up, and advised us that they would recommend having the circumcision done after birth. That coupled with the fact that DH was very uncomfortable with the idea of not circumcising (for aesthetics) led us to our ultimate decision.

latnprincess · June 2012

We are not doing it. Dh is uncirc'd and it didn't matter to me and he said no, so we didn't. Baby #2 will not either.

irer · June 2012

We didn't circumcise DS, and will not do it to this baby if it is a boy. DH is not circumcised and where we live (Ireland), it is not done routinely except for religious (which is not a lot as there are very few Jewish people here) or medical purposes. It was not even offered or discussed when DS was born.

I don't want to beat a dead horse on this, but I will say DH has never had any hygienic or medical problems with his uncircumcised penis, nor have I heard of any other issues from anyone else (that I know of, obviously!) The hygiene argument/needing to have it done when they are older argument seems blown out of proportion on The Bump. If you want to circumcise, go for it...but I think saying that it is unhygienic not to, or that it may cause issues down the road is a bit of fear-mongering. Most of the world is not circumcised (as in like 80% of men are uncircumcised)...even though it is popular in the US, this is not the case for almost everywhere else and men there seem to do just fine.

rp-chicago-mom · June 2012

irer:
We didn't circumcise DS, and will not do it to this baby if it is a boy. DH is not circumcised and where we live (Ireland), it is not done routinely except for religious (which is not a lot as there are very few Jewish people here) or medical purposes. It was not even offered or discussed when DS was born.
I don't want to beat a dead horse on this, but I will say DH has never had any hygienic or medical problems with his uncircumcised penis, nor have I heard of any other issues from anyone else (that I know of, obviously!) The hygiene argument/needing to have it done when they are older argument seems blown out of proportion on The Bump. If you want to circumcise, go for it...but I think saying that it is unhygienic not to, or that it may cause issues down the road is a bit of fear-mongering. Most of the world is not circumcised (as in like 80% of men are uncircumcised)...even though it is popular in the US, this is not the case for almost everywhere else and men there seem to do just fine.

And haven't they somewhat altered how to clean it? If that's the case, old stories about infections, emergency procedures, etc. are not applicable.

Airmans Wife · June 2012

DH IS circumcised, however we are NOT circing this little guy or any further boys we have. We talked about this before we found our baby was a boy and knew we would not be doing it. As you stated the rates in the US are dropping for circing, and honestly I dont' believe in doing medical procedures just the for the heck of it. There is no medical reason that says it HAS to be done, and we believe it is done most for cosmetic reasons anyways and because that is what WAS the norm. My DH and I both did our research and are very comfortable with our decision for many reasons, I believe as parents we owe it to our children to make our decisions based off our own research and not just follow what other people are doing because it's the 'in' thing to do.

irer · June 2012

Baker_Bride:
irer:
We didn't circumcise DS, and will not do it to this baby if it is a boy. DH is not circumcised and where we live (Ireland), it is not done routinely except for religious (which is not a lot as there are very few Jewish people here) or medical purposes. It was not even offered or discussed when DS was born.
I don't want to beat a dead horse on this, but I will say DH has never had any hygienic or medical problems with his uncircumcised penis, nor have I heard of any other issues from anyone else (that I know of, obviously!) The hygiene argument/needing to have it done when they are older argument seems blown out of proportion on The Bump. If you want to circumcise, go for it...but I think saying that it is unhygienic not to, or that it may cause issues down the road is a bit of fear-mongering. Most of the world is not circumcised (as in like 80% of men are uncircumcised)...even though it is popular in the US, this is not the case for almost everywhere else and men there seem to do just fine.

And haven't they somewhat altered how to clean it? If that's the case, old stories about infections, emergency procedures, etc. are not applicable.

Yep, exactly.

abbyful · June 2012

DH is circumcised, we are NOT circumcising our baby. (I don't get the "baby needs to look like daddy" reason, how often will my son see his father's penis? Very very rarely. And an adult penis looks different than a child penis anyway; regardless if they are both circumcised or intact.)

As for "social reasons", it's about 50-50 now. Whether he's circumcised or intact, he'll look like about half his peers.

AggieDaner · June 2012

irer:
Baker_Bride:
irer:
We didn't circumcise DS, and will not do it to this baby if it is a boy. DH is not circumcised and where we live (Ireland), it is not done routinely except for religious (which is not a lot as there are very few Jewish people here) or medical purposes. It was not even offered or discussed when DS was born.
I don't want to beat a dead horse on this, but I will say DH has never had any hygienic or medical problems with his uncircumcised penis, nor have I heard of any other issues from anyone else (that I know of, obviously!) The hygiene argument/needing to have it done when they are older argument seems blown out of proportion on The Bump. If you want to circumcise, go for it...but I think saying that it is unhygienic not to, or that it may cause issues down the road is a bit of fear-mongering. Most of the world is not circumcised (as in like 80% of men are uncircumcised)...even though it is popular in the US, this is not the case for almost everywhere else and men there seem to do just fine.

And haven't they somewhat altered how to clean it? If that's the case, old stories about infections, emergency procedures, etc. are not applicable.
Yep, exactly.

Count me in for this school of thought as well. My husband isn't circumcised, and I can tell you that even in his gross college-boy days (I have one towel! I'll wash it once a month! *barf*) it has NEVER been a hygiene issue. You don't keep it clean any differently than you would an circ'ed penis. Basically, if someone has a gross wang, it's going to be gross regardless of foreskin, because the only way to let it get nasty is to just not rinse it at all.

krismott25 · June 2012

I'm all for circ-ing our son's and so is dh, who was circ-ed at 3 yo. But I read an interesting statistic in one of those baby magazine's that said in 2009 only 33% of boys were circ-ed donw from like 58%. I don't know if that only included babies that were done in the hospital. BUt I was surprised how low it was.

ChibiMommy · June 2012

DH is, DS is not. He felt very strongly about not having it done because of the complications he suffers from. He also feels like it should be his(ds's) choice. He can have it done later (although we will strongly discourage it) when he can be properly anesthetized, take pain medication for it afterward, and is no longer in diapers.

jesslinnn · June 2012

DH is, DS1 is and DS2 will be.

monksmama · June 2012

Board hopping but I couldn't read and not respond.

My husband is circumcised and our sons are not. We have never had any problems with cleanliness (you really do just wash the penis just like you wash his elbow and that it it) infection, uti or anything of the sort. It is sort of nice, when dealing with the belly button and getting nervous with every sniffle and cough with a newborn to have one less thing to have to worry about.

We certainly aren't nudists but nudity isn't a huge deal in our house. The kids have walked in on Dh showering or dressing and seen his circumcised penis. A year or two ago J got sort of quiet after seeing DH and wanted to know when his would look like daddy's.

DH handled it beautifully, explaining that when he was a baby his parents believed that having his foreskin removed was the best thing for him. He went on to tell him that he and I did a lot of research and decided that J's foreskin was an important part of his body. He told him a little about retraction and how in time he would be able to pull his skin back and his penis would look just like daddy's.

J was all 'Yeah, yeah, okay but when is mine going to be BIG like yours...'

Daniellekrista · June 2012

While the rates aree 50/50 across the US, in Texas it's more like 80% are circumcised.

ToxityRue · June 2012

I was completely against circumcision - DF was completely for it. I did a ton of research on the procedure, watched a video, and was mentally scarred. I couldn't imagine putting my LO through such a thing. I was scared that LO going through such pain would hinder breastfeeding as well. Who would wanna even try to eat after something like that?

But when I brought it up to DF, he was shocked that I didn't want it done. His reasons were mostly social as well - mainly he was worried about LO's self-confidence in the future. He knows several men who weren't circ'd at birth and want to have it done now.

What made me finally agree with him was my doing research on adult circumcision. My thought was if he wanted it done, he could have it done when he was an adult - that way they could use pain killers during. I found out for a newborn, a circ takes about a week to heal. For an adult, it takes WEEKS and there can be a lot of painful complications. Plus the cost... a circ for an adult is about the price of a used car in our area. I don't like the thought of my son being self-conscious and uncomfortable with his body until he's financially stable enough to have a few grand in extra cash free.

I posted on the breastfeeding board, asking moms who chose circ about their nursing experience and that comforted my nursing worries on the matter.

It's a hard choice in any case.

EDIT - As PP said, circ rates in my state are super high too - like 84% so it's pretty much the norm here.

geogirl999 · June 2012

We're having a girl so it's not an issue, but I would be against and hubby is for. A friend of his in elementary school got a really bad infection from soap getting trapped (not rinsing properly) and they ended up having to remove the tip. On the other hand, when my nephew had his, they messed it up and stitched it too far back which made things painful for him. I'm glad that we don't really have to decide as both of us have fairly strong opinions on it, based on close to home experiences.