DH is way too laid back! (vent)
So, I freak out about pretty much everything. (Hi, my name is Jessi and I have anxiety issues.) My DH is usually an awesome balance for me. He freaks out about...almost nothing. He has a bit of a short fuse when he gets hungry or tired (which I think is actually kind of cute) but other than that, his general attitude is basically, "It'll be fine."
So, I'm researching, admittedly too much. With DS, I had my mother in the room with me and basically let the doctors do whatever interventions they wanted to do because my DH couldn't be there and I was a scared FTM. That didn't have the most ideal result... So this time, with just DH in the room, I'm going for a bit more of what *I* want and less of what will get the doctor home early. (which def isn't what all doctors do but it was def what mine did at the time)
Anyway, to the problem! Last night, I brought up how it will be in the delivery room and I said, "So your job will be..." and he cut me off and said, "To stay out of the way!" And I was like, "No! The exact opposite! I need you! You're my support, you're the one talking me through contractions, you're the one finding where the heck I left the iPod, you're the one making the cold or hot cloths for my back!" He's supposed to be my birth partner and he doesn't seem very concerned with what that means. After I told him all of this he was good-natured about it, just said, "oh, ok, no problem!" But it really really worries me that he's not doing any personal research or joining me in mine. I've asked him to put the car seat base in the car for the past three weeks and he keeps forgetting! I asked if we should ask my mom to stay with us for the first few days since we have a 5 year old too and I won't be able to do much except feed the baby but he's like, "I don't see why we'd need that." I don't want to nag him, but he's just being so laid back about everything that it's actually stressing me out more!
Should I say something to him, or is it just going to be beating a dead horse if I just keep bringing it up again and again?
Re: DH is way too laid back! (vent)
I am just like you - worry, worry, worry! And my husband is just likes yours - laid back, cool, calm, and collective.
My husband and I had our first when we were 19, obviously not planned, and I was so worried he wouldn't support me in labor or even with our son because he seemed so chill about everything....
He's made a great husband! He's made a great Dad!
Just the other day, I was telling him about being worried doing the breast feeding thing after 9 years and really wanting to be successful. I wasn't getting the reaction from him that I wanted or hearing the things I wanted to hear. Finally, he asked me "Have I ever not been there? Have I ever left everything on your shoulders?" And I think to myself... well no.
We're just two different people. I freak out and he stays calm. It doesn't mean he isn't interested or isn't listening to me. He actually takes notes pretty well but doesn't respond the same way as I do.
My DH is also laid back and I am really high strung too! I have been really nervous about preparing for this labor, as it is really important to me that we do it all naturally, if possible.
DH is a really slow reader, so I knew that asking him to read the books that I was wasn't going to work. Instead, we signed up for natural birth classes, with our doula, so that he could hear the info from someone else. So it wasn't like I was "nagging"- for lack of a better word- him, the information was coming from someone else. It wasn't "I am really going to need you to help support me by doing _________"- it became "Your wife is going to need you to be her rock" and such.
I think that that has really helped us out. Not that he wouldn't have believed me telling him all this stuff but hearing it from a doula who had had 5 children and delivered countless others, I think he found the info more valuable.