So . . . I'm full of mixed emotions and curious as to how other prego ladies would feel under these circumstances:
A very dear friend of mine hosted a dinner at her house in my honor (for no reason other than the fact that I'm pregnant). She went all out -- preparing all the foods I've been craving, decorating beautifully, and even preparing trivia games about my home state (for which I've been homesick lately). That was two nights ago.
Today, she posted a picture of me on facebook with the caption: "The lovely mommy-to-be." And tagged me in it. Granted, I'm 5 months pregnant . . . but I hadn't "come out" on facebook. While everyone that sees me can tell, I didn't necessarily feel comfortable posting it so publicly.
My emotions are very mixed: on the one hand, she's a great friend who is very excited about my pregnancy. And I'm well into my second trimester. On the other hand, I would NEVER "out" someone as pregnant on facebook. I just see that as a privacy issue. I have no problem asking her to remove the picture. I just don't know how upset I should feel.
How would you take this?
Re: My friend outed my pregnancy on facebook
You've got to look at this for what it is. You're out to everyone you know and see on the street and you're 5 months. It's not like you're 4 weeks. Just because you haven't come out on FB doesn't mean she should have realized that and realized it was intentional. Out of curiosity, if anyone who sees you can tell, what makes you uncomfortable about telling peopel you DO know?
Edited to throw a missing word up there.
From your friend's perspective, she made the reasonable assumption that someone who is 5 months pregnant and showing is "out."
I am a week behind you, and I have not publicly announced on FB either. That is where that old saying about ASSumptions comes from. I would ask her privately to take down the caption. If anyone asks you about it as a result, well, it's not like it was going to be a secret much longer anyway.
I would be offended. I am not a big FaceBook person though. My wedding pictures aren't on FaceBook (but I didn't make guests that attended not post theirs or anything).
I haven't put the pregnancy on FaceBook and everyone we have told, I have followed it with, "...but please don't post anything on FaceBook."
Soo I guess my answer is, your feelings should be directly proportional to how you have told friends and family to go about handling your pregnancy news. Your friend probably assumed since you accepted a party from her (with guests and all) that you were ready to be "that public" about it. It's very common these days to just assume, if someone is taking pictures, they will be on FaceBook.
Did she know you did not want this info known on FB. If you have told everyone you know and it is very obvious she proabably didn't even think twice about psoting this. It sounds to me like a great friend threw an awesome party and then posted pics of it. Most people would probably do the same thing.
I think you can request her to remove the picture and explain why, but if she was unaware that you were keeping it off FB, I don't think you should feel upset towards her at all.
Cooper Edward
9.25.12
Yeah, I see your point. Your question, "if anyone who sees you can tell, what makes you uncomfortable about telling people you DO know?", is a good one. I honestly don't have a reasonable answer for that. I just felt very weird seeing the post. Maybe because I'm "friends" on facebook with some people that I'm not super close with? But then again, I'm not super close with the people I ride the subway with either. . .
I really am not sure why it's bothering me. I guess I should just relax, and go with it.
Lurking from third tri!
She may not have thought about it at all. My sister outed my engagement on FB. I wanted to be really upset about it except I knew she would never intentionally share my news before I could. She was just so excited it never crossed her mind. I assume your friend meant no harm...By all means, be annoyed but if you tell her to take the picture down I'm sure she will then realize what she did.
I'm really not sure what the big deal is here. Her dinner party in your honor sounds like a beautiful thing. Friends like that are hard to find. Lighten up, Francis
I wouldn't mind at all - sort of takes the pressure off any sort of announcement. It's more odd when someone you didn't know was pregnant all of sudden starts posting about babies and baby poop.
...baby #3 is here...
Maybe she was just unaware of the fact that you hadn't mentioned it on FB or that you didn't want to. It's not like she blurted it out to your parents or something it was just FB and anyone who is anyone knows by now right?
I completelyyy understand not wanting people on FB to know before your family or before you're ready for anyone to know. I actually make it a point to tell people "Don't put that on FB yet until I've told my Dad, Grandma etc..." I did that with the sex of the baby and choosing her name. I didn't want certain people to find out or to "accidentally" tell a close relative before I got to because they saw it on FB.
It doesn't seem like such a big deal to me unless you were planning some huge FB reveal?
She sounds like a super sweet friend by the way...
can't speak for the OP, but my husband and I have decided that if we don't see someone in person for 9 months they don't need to know we're pregnant :-) only people we see in person (or family that lives out of state we will tell by phone) will know - otherwise you'll find out when we show up with an extra kid the next time we see you. We figured that pregnancy is a personal thing and social media is not. (you = general you)
That's all fine and good until someone who has seen you in the last few months tells someone who hasn't, which of course isn't an occurrence unique to the social media age, either. It's one thing to decide that you, for yourself, aren't putting your pregnancy on facebook, but rather another to extend that edict to other people, who may do things like post a group photo in which you're visibly pregnant.
Very true. We have told anyone we have seen that we're not sharing the news on facebook. But I can't imagine if I was at a party where people were taking pictures of me I could control the news from getting out.
Exactly this. Can you clone her and send her my way?
I can see why it'd be weird for you to see the post from someone else about your pregnancy. Perhaps this is why it is so weird for you, simply because you haven't seen it in writing? For me, this really solidified my pregnancy.
Try seeing it from the, "My friend is overjoyed for me and I'm lucky to have such a supportive person in my life who is SO excited she's taking this journey with me!" stance and see if that helps. It sounds like she would gladly take off the picture if you asked her to, though.
Congrats!!
Was she aware that you hadn't spilled on Facebook yet? Even if she was, it sounds like she just is excited for you and wanted to share in your pregnancy. People get a little crazy when they get excited
I've been wondering the same thing: I'm not out on FB, but it's not a secret at all. I just didn't want it on FB. I don't know how I'd react if someone outed me like that, I guess I'd just shrug it off and be done with it. It doesn't mean that it will show up in everybody's news feed.
If it bothers you, you could just ignore it - the more you comment/like/fuss, the more it shows up.
I wouldn't be offended at all, but I do understand not announcing it on FB.
I haven't posted anything on FB about my pregnancy. But, I'm also very private about it in real life too.... I'm not sure what my issue is with privacy all of a sudden. If someone mentioned it on FB, I'd just go with it at this point.
DH's friends were offended that they had not been told when they came to visit this weekend. I hate how people think they are entitled to knowing everything! We see them once a year and they are not close friends.
I would say something to her if you do not want anything on Facebook. She seems like a sweet friend by throwing you that party and probably didn't mean to upset you.
a) Tell her to take it down
b) Be careful about establishing guidelines when you tell her stuff in the future. Really this is a good general guideline with most people.