Do you think it's wrong to give up, or take a break from cathing?
Technically speaking, or I guess medically speaking we we are only a month out from her urethral dilation. Which can last 6-12 months, depending. She is peeing SO MUCH. At first their was no change but 1-2 weeks in we started to notice. She normally didn't go at all overnight, and took her about an hour after being up to go, now I have to change her in the middle of the night and her diapers are always SOAKED.
I know we just started working with this pediatric health psychologist and i'm going to talk to her about this on Thur and talk to the uro on 6/25. Here's my reasoning behind it, and it's purely selfish. When I go to pick P up from my gramma's she cries and runs away that she doesnt' want to go home, I haven't been able to get her to tell me why and normally I have to bribe her to get her to come home. I cannot put a screaming kicking angry Peyton in the carseat, it's not physically possible. This is the ONLY thing she has a tantrum like that about.
So yesterday I said it was time to go home and she looked at me and her eyes started to swell up with tears and she said, "mommy i don't want no catheter." I about lost it. That means that the reason why she hates coming home is bc she equates it with talking about and trying to cath which we have been trying to do everyday. I tried a smaller size and downloaded her puzzle game she loves on the phone and did everything sneaky sneaky. But as soon as I tried to open her girl parts up to do it she flipped. I even told her they gave us smaller ones just for her
I guess basically, I don't know why I am pushing this so hard if it's causing her this much pain and distress to where she actually HATES and is scared to be at home. We have other options and maybe it's time to start looking into those and accepting that cathing is just not going to work for us. Or just calm down about it a little bit and take a break?
Her kidneys are not at risk right now since we did the dilation procedure. I just think i'm finally burnt out, and probably starting to take it personally that she thinks i'm hurting her when I'm just trying to help. =(
I feel like i'm being a big baby but honestly I'm the only one whose still even entertaining the idea that we can do it. My gramma has said from the beginning that she CAN'T (and won't) do it. H can do it, but he's having trouble with the holding her down screamy part and he's always at work.
Looks like June is going to be a month of decisions!