Okay...where's my Ferber mamas?
LowTalker23
member
This will be a post and run but I'm hoping someone can help me troubleshoot.
After watching my almost 3 year old niece fight and scream at bedtime the other night while at my brother's house, we decided we needed to teach DS to go to sleep on his own now. Last night was night 4 of Ferber. Technically it was night 6 (the first two nights DS went down without a problem, rolled around, and fell asleep) but I'm not counting those.
I've been following his normal schedule that he's been on for months. So after his last nap, he has always been ready for bed 3.5 to 4 hours later. We've always rocked him until he was asleep and laid him down with no problems, and he slept all night. About 3 months ago we Ferbered for his middle of the night wakings, and it took about a week and he hasn't woken up in the middle of the night since (except two nights when his top teeth were coming in).
Anyway, night 1 was an hour of screaming and crying. He also puked. Night 2 was 40ish minutes of screaming and crying, he also puked. Night 3 was another hour of screaming and crying, no puking. Last night was another hour of screaming and crying and more puking. Seriously? What's the deal? I know Ferber said some kids will puke and I actually was expecting it at least once, but three times so far? We just went in, cleaned everything up, and put him back down.
After reading everybody's experiences on here, I was really expecting to see some improvements each night. I knew it was going to be more difficult since he's older and can stand and move around, but to see no real improvements is killing me. He's also terrified of his bedroom now and starts crying the minute we walk in there at any time during the day (I know this was to be expected too).
I'm just really struggling with this decision and I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. TIA.
Re: Okay...where's my Ferber mamas?
What is your bedtime routine, and what are you doing when you go in for the checks?
We found the same thing with DS. It turned out that the interval checks were more upsetting than soothing to him. We went to a straight CIO method (Mark Weisbluth) and had much more success. The first night was terrible and then we had a few nights of slight tears, but not crying to the point of puking. I also had to make a huge effort to make his room fun again during the day. We put on music, dance, play with his favorite toys, etc. while I put away his laundry. This has helped a lot.
More recently, we have had luck putting DS down drowsy, but not asleep. He and I snuggle and read books while we rock and I put him in the crib awake. He hasn't even been fussing at all, just rolls over and goes to bed.
I don't think he's making himself throw up, he's just getting so upset that he's throwing up. Our bedtime routine is bath, lotion, pj's, bottle, rocking. We still rock but only for 5 minutes then into the bed awake. He has a lovey (which he loves) and he does have a paci.
I wondered about putting him to bed a little earlier but I was afraid he would cry longer because he wasn't as tired. I know Ferbs says its okay to wait to put them down 30-60 minutes after normal bedtime to make sure they're tired.
His naps have been total crap the last 4 days too so I know he's overtired, but again I knew that Ferber said that'd happen too until he gets it figured out.
Thanks for the replies, ladies.
so sorry mama!
Does he seem to do worse with shorter or longer intervals? Maybe you can keep the intervals on the shorter (or longer, depending on which seem to be upsetting him more) end instead of following the times exactly? At what point is he puking?
Is anything different than it is in the middle of the night (when he's able to put himself back to sleep)? Is it darker then? If so, could you add blackout shades?
Thanks Carla. He does seem to do worse with shorter intervals; the puking happens just after we leave the room. However, last night the intervals started at 12 minutes and he didn't do well with that either. Am I looking at full on extinction? You asked earlier and I didn't catch it, but when we go in we lay him back down, replace his paci if he doesn't have it, give him his horsey and shush him. We don't stay in longer than 1-2 minutes. No picking up.
I'm not sure what's different in the middle of the night. It isn't much darker, we've got the white noise going all the time, he has his lovey and his paci. I just don't know. :-(
Ferber says to stick with it for a week and then re-evaluate if things aren't working. 3 more nights of this might kill me, though.
At this age, the small interval checks would not work on Audrey. If for whatever reason she is having a bad night, we'll check after 10-20 minutes. One time only. Then, if necessary, we go to full on extinction. We have only had to do this a couple of times. For the most part, she goes down and sleeps through no problem.
So basically, I'm suggesting that you lengthen your intervals big time. Or do one check and then extinction. Unfortunately, that may mean not cleaning up any throw up.