How would you word this on an invitation?

babyonthebrain2010

How would you dictate dress code for a shower?

 

A group of us are throwing a shower and we'd like for everyone to wear white and/or pale/pastel colors.   The reasoning being a photographer will be there and we agreed that the photos would be extra beautiful if everyone was dressed this way.  I, personally, don't care what people wear but the rest of the group wants it that way (I at least convinced them to go from all white to white/pastels.. seemed more realistic and that way those who disregard the dress code won't stand out as much).

*anyway* the dress code itself isn't really up to me, but I need to word the invites and I'm stuck at this part.  Any help would be appreciated  

mommabear17

This seems like a pretty weird request.  What are you going to do if someone shows up in navy?  Not let them in.

I would be very much annoyed with this request.  I don't have clothes in those colors because they look like crap on me.

cwm11985

I wouldn't word it at all.  This isn't school, people can wear whatever they want and the photos will still look beautiful.  What is UP with people and their dictator-like ways over baby showers?! Do we not know how to just get together and enjoy some time with friends and family without making demands on what to bring or wear?!

babyonthebrain2010

cwm11985:

I wouldn't word it at all.  This isn't school, people can wear whatever they want and the photos will still look beautiful.  What is UP with people and their dictator-like ways over baby showers?! Do we not know how to just get together and enjoy some time with friends and family without making demands on what to bring or wear?!

 

I swear to you I agree 100%, I would be annoyed too which is why I'm trying to find the most delicate, least annoying way to word it.      The decision isn't mine, and like I said I got them to switch from all white to light colors which seemed like a little "win" in this direction.

LovesMM

BOTB, I wouldn't ask these girls this question. They'd get it wrong since COMPREHENSION isn't their strong point.

babyonthebrain2010

LovesMM:

BOTB, I wouldn't ask these girls this question. They'd get it wrong since COMPREHENSION isn't their strong point.

lolololololololol

AutumnLeaves2

I wouldn't know how to word it either. I can't really think of a way that I would read it where I wouldn't be offended/annoyed/hestiate to go.

FWIW, we had my DH's aunt there who is a photographer (we didn't hire her, she was invited as a guest) and happened to bring her nice camera and took a bunch of candid photos. Half of the time I wasn't even looking at the camera and nobody's outfit's matched and the photos still came out beautiful.

danieliza1127

If you have to do it, keep it very short and simple - "Please wear white or pale colors for a lovely group photo"

 

 

babyonthebrain2010

danieliza1127:

If you have to do it, keep it very short and simple - "Please wear white or pale colors for a lovely group photo"

 

 OH I really like that!  thank you!!

babyonthebrain2010

Lgamache90:

I wouldn't know how to word it either. I can't really think of a way that I would read it where I wouldn't be offended/annoyed/hestiate to go.

FWIW, we had my DH's aunt there who is a photographer (we didn't hire her, she was invited as a guest) and happened to bring her nice camera and took a bunch of candid photos. Half of the time I wasn't even looking at the camera and nobody's outfit's matched and the photos still came out beautiful.

thanks!  Yeah, I have no doubt the photos would look wonderful (if not better and more natural) with everyone dressed normally but.. again.. not my decision lol  

EastCoastBride

danieliza1127:

If you have to do it, keep it very short and simple - "Please wear white or pale colors for a lovely group photo"

I agree- if you have to do it, this is the best.  It's making it a request, but it's not demanding that people do it.  And I REALLY hope the other hosts realize that they can "request" this all they want, but in the end, people may very well show up in whatever they want and the hosts need to roll with it. 

AndBabyWouldMake5

I know Beyonce and Kim Kardashian's wedding requested that people wear certain colors (white), so maybe you could Google their invitations... I hope they had classy wording!

Aleja0918

Estwd2:

EastCoastBride:

danieliza1127:

If you have to do it, keep it very short and simple - "Please wear white or pale colors for a lovely group photo"

I agree- if you have to do it, this is the best. 

Agreed. But personally if I had hostesses being this controlling, I'd decline the shower. This is the most ridiculous request I've ever heard of. This is the type of invitation I'd decline. I would not go out of my way to purchase clothing to simply attend a baby shower. I own very little white or pastel and I'd think anyone requesting a pretty, pretty group picture whete everyone dressed the same was crazycakes. I'm not in a wedding or anything. I'm attending a baby shower to eat cake and give you a gift.

This. Especially the part in bold. 

bklynbmp

It doesn't seem that crazy to me since I throw costume parties and am familiar with white parties where everyone has to where white.

As long as you don't mind that there may be people who don't come because of it, who cares?  You also have to be prepared for the one or two people who will completely disregard your request and come in whatever they want.  The people that really want to attend and have a good time will it will show up in pale colors and a smile.

All that said, I think that if you have special requests of the guests then the party has to be extra special to live up to it.  You can't ask guests to go out of their way if you are having something really simple.  On the other hand if you go over the top, I think a little request like this is fine. 

InTheSun

danieliza1127:

If you have to do it, keep it very short and simple - "Please wear white or pale colors for a lovely group photo"

 

 

This is really classy.  Plus, it puts the ownership on the people to make the photos look nice.  If I got this invitation I would think, "I wouldn't want to be the one to mess up the photos!" 

babyonthebrain2010

bklynbmp:

It doesn't seem that crazy to me since I throw costume parties and am familiar with white parties where everyone has to where white.

As long as you don't mind that there may be people who don't come because of it, who cares?  You also have to be prepared for the one or two people who will completely disregard your request and come in whatever they want.  The people that really want to attend and have a good time will it will show up in pale colors and a smile.

All that said, I think that if you have special requests of the guests then the party has to be extra special to live up to it.  You can't ask guests to go out of their way if you are having something really simple.  On the other hand if you go over the top, I think a little request like this is fine. 

 

I guess I didn't mention, it *is* going to be a way over the top shabby chic garden party   

dufferoo

I had a friend who wanted everyone to wear pink for his art opening, so on the invitations he wrote "It's a pink party!" and most people got the idea. I thought that was a nice simple way to word it without sounding bossy and enough people wore pink that it created the desired effect. So maybe you could just write "It's a pastel party!" at the bottom and hope for the best.

mommabear17

jociejones:

I had a friend who wanted everyone to wear pink for his art opening, so on the invitations he wrote "It's a pink party!" and most people got the idea. I thought that was a nice simple way to word it without sounding bossy and enough people wore pink that it created the desired effect. So maybe you could just write "It's a pastel party!" at the bottom and hope for the best.

That would make me think we would be doing some kind of art with pastels, lol.  

DaisyCakes18

I don't think I own anything in pastel colors because they look terrible on me. In a photo I would be completely washed out, I'm so pale! I would either have to send my regrets or stay out of the photographer's way.

 

Cranang

mommabear17:

This seems like a pretty weird request.  What are you going to do if someone shows up in navy?  Not let them in.

I would be very much annoyed with this request.  I don't have clothes in those colors because they look like crap on me.

 ALL OF THIS!  100000000% this.

 I would actively give a finger to the hostess who sent me an invitation requesting that.  And I wouldn't attend.

Seriously, what happens if someone doesn't wear the pastels?  Will you let them in the picture?  Or tell them to get the hell out of the way?  I mean, if everyone is wearing pastels, then one girl in a red polka dot dress is going to look even worse because she's the only one not in pastels.  Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb...and ruining the integrity of the idea of these photos (which is silly to begin with). 

FemShep

OP, I don't suppose you could print out some of these responses to share with your co-planners?  

I also have no pastel or white clothes, and definitely wouldn't bother with a special outfit.  I'd decline or look like a crow in my favorite black maternity dress. 

EastCoastBride

Cranang:

  I mean, if everyone is wearing pastels, then one girl in a red polka dot dress is going to look even worse because she's the only one not in pastels.  Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb...and ruining the integrity of the idea of these photos (which is silly to begin with). 

This is a good point too! 

OP - have you brought these situations up w/ the people who are "insisting" on doing this?  For all the lengths they are going to to make this "perfect" picture, they may end up w/ just the opposite.

 

Cranang

I would go back and plead your case with your other co-hostesses.

babyonthebrain2010

EastCoastBride:

Cranang:

  I mean, if everyone is wearing pastels, then one girl in a red polka dot dress is going to look even worse because she's the only one not in pastels.  Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb...and ruining the integrity of the idea of these photos (which is silly to begin with). 

This is a good point too! 

OP - have you brought these situations up w/ the people who are "insisting" on doing this?  For all the lengths they are going to to make this "perfect" picture, they may end up w/ just the opposite.

 

I have!  Which is how I got them to agree to incorporate pale/pastel colors instead of asking for guests to wear white.. so that those who didn't come dressed accordingly wouldn't stick out so badly.  The thing is, I have a limited role in this shower, basically limited to invitations, so it's just not worth debating with them IMO.  I completely agree that it's silly and even tacky, but it's not up to me.  I do appreciate the wording help!!

babyonthebrain2010

Cranang:

mommabear17:

This seems like a pretty weird request.  What are you going to do if someone shows up in navy?  Not let them in.

I would be very much annoyed with this request.  I don't have clothes in those colors because they look like crap on me.

 ALL OF THIS!  100000000% this.

 I would actively give a finger to the hostess who sent me an invitation requesting that.  And I wouldn't attend.

Seriously, what happens if someone doesn't wear the pastels?  Will you let them in the picture?  Or tell them to get the hell out of the way?  I mean, if everyone is wearing pastels, then one girl in a red polka dot dress is going to look even worse because she's the only one not in pastels.  Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb...and ruining the integrity of the idea of these photos (which is silly to begin with). 

 

of COURSE we'll let them in the pictures, we'll just make them stand in the back.  I mean C'MON.  I agree it's silly but requesting a certain dress code on an invitation isn't bloody unheard of...  If you'd decline an invitation just because you don't want to wear white, I'm guessing you're not close enough to the guest of honor to be missed, anyway.

happiz0mb13

I seriously would not put that on the invite. 

 And I'm just saying, it is bloody unheard of to hear of a dress code for a baby shower. ;] 

Cranang

babyonthebrain2010:

Cranang:

mommabear17:

This seems like a pretty weird request.  What are you going to do if someone shows up in navy?  Not let them in.

I would be very much annoyed with this request.  I don't have clothes in those colors because they look like crap on me.

 ALL OF THIS!  100000000% this.

 I would actively give a finger to the hostess who sent me an invitation requesting that.  And I wouldn't attend.

Seriously, what happens if someone doesn't wear the pastels?  Will you let them in the picture?  Or tell them to get the hell out of the way?  I mean, if everyone is wearing pastels, then one girl in a red polka dot dress is going to look even worse because she's the only one not in pastels.  Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb...and ruining the integrity of the idea of these photos (which is silly to begin with). 

 

of COURSE we'll let them in the pictures, we'll just make them stand in the back.  I mean C'MON.  I agree it's silly but requesting a certain dress code on an invitation isn't bloody unheard of...  If you'd decline an invitation just because you don't want to wear white, I'm guessing you're not close enough to the guest of honor to be missed, anyway.

It IS "bloody unheard of" for a frickin' baby shower.

And I think you're WRONG on the bolded statement.  I would tell the guest of honor that I wasn't attending because her twit hostesses decided to tell people what to wear.  I would give her a gift and take her out on our own at some point.

And if you're going to let these people in the picture, then what's the point of the "dress code" anyway?

jlh2716

No offense, but this is silly. I flat out wouldn't go if someone insisted I wear a certain type of clothing to a shower--especially if I had to go out and buy it just for that occasion. Which I would, because I look terrible in those colors.

To answer your question, there isn't a polite way to word it on a shower invite.

jlh2716

babyonthebrain2010:

Cranang:

mommabear17:

This seems like a pretty weird request.  What are you going to do if someone shows up in navy?  Not let them in.

I would be very much annoyed with this request.  I don't have clothes in those colors because they look like crap on me.

 ALL OF THIS!  100000000% this.

 I would actively give a finger to the hostess who sent me an invitation requesting that.  And I wouldn't attend.

Seriously, what happens if someone doesn't wear the pastels?  Will you let them in the picture?  Or tell them to get the hell out of the way?  I mean, if everyone is wearing pastels, then one girl in a red polka dot dress is going to look even worse because she's the only one not in pastels.  Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb...and ruining the integrity of the idea of these photos (which is silly to begin with). 

 

of COURSE we'll let them in the pictures, we'll just make them stand in the back.  I mean C'MON.  I agree it's silly but requesting a certain dress code on an invitation isn't bloody unheard of...  If you'd decline an invitation just because you don't want to wear white, I'm guessing you're not close enough to the guest of honor to be missed, anyway.

Fantastic! Then she wouldn't miss the gift I'd bring with me, either.

morethancottoncandy

Cranang:

It IS "bloody unheard of" for a frickin' baby shower.

And I think you're WRONG on the bolded statement.  I would tell the guest of honor that I wasn't attending because her twit hostesses decided to tell people what to wear.  I would give her a gift and take her out on our own at some point.

And if you're going to let these people in the picture, then what's the point of the "dress code" anyway?

This.  I don't think there's any way of putting that on an invitation without coming across as completely obnoxious, regardless of how polite you try to be. 

mben1119

babyonthebrain2010:

Cranang:

mommabear17:

This seems like a pretty weird request.  What are you going to do if someone shows up in navy?  Not let them in.

I would be very much annoyed with this request.  I don't have clothes in those colors because they look like crap on me.

 ALL OF THIS!  100000000% this.

 I would actively give a finger to the hostess who sent me an invitation requesting that.  And I wouldn't attend.

Seriously, what happens if someone doesn't wear the pastels?  Will you let them in the picture?  Or tell them to get the hell out of the way?  I mean, if everyone is wearing pastels, then one girl in a red polka dot dress is going to look even worse because she's the only one not in pastels.  Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb...and ruining the integrity of the idea of these photos (which is silly to begin with). 

 

of COURSE we'll let them in the pictures, we'll just make them stand in the back.  I mean C'MON.  I agree it's silly but requesting a certain dress code on an invitation isn't bloody unheard of...  If you'd decline an invitation just because you don't want to wear white, I'm guessing you're not close enough to the guest of honor to be missed, anyway.

I would not come, on principle, and would let the mom to be know that her hostesses were control freaks.

kateraid

What if you made mention of the shabby chic "spring garden party" and mention "please wear your spring best for our group photo".  When I think of spring I think of paler softer colours and summer dresses.

 

Or, is it possible to not word it at all and send the invitations without letting your co-hosts know that you didn't include the wording? OOps...

jlh2716

kateraid:

What if you made mention of the shabby chic "spring garden party" and mention "please wear your spring best for our group photo".  When I think of spring I think of paler softer colours and summer dresses.

 

Or, is it possible to not word it at all and send the invitations without letting your co-hosts know that you didn't include the wording? OOps...

Even though I'm obviously set against telling people what to wear to a shower, I can get on board with this idea. Of course, again, you might not get everyone in pastels, but this would be much less likely to irritate your invitees.

dufferoo

mommabear17:

jociejones:

I had a friend who wanted everyone to wear pink for his art opening, so on the invitations he wrote "It's a pink party!" and most people got the idea. I thought that was a nice simple way to word it without sounding bossy and enough people wore pink that it created the desired effect. So maybe you could just write "It's a pastel party!" at the bottom and hope for the best.

That would make me think we would be doing some kind of art with pastels, lol.  

Yeah, you're right. It would make more sense if it was going to be a white party, I guess.

EastCoastBride

babyonthebrain2010:

If you'd decline an invitation just because you don't want to wear white, I'm guessing you're not close enough to the guest of honor to be missed, anyway.

This isn't fair.  There is absolutely a societal pressure to do what "everyone else" is doing.  Someone gets an inviation like this but they don't wear/own white or pastels - then they start thinking "But what if I'm the only one who doesn't? I"ll feel like an a$$".  OR what if they can't afford to go out and buy new clothes? 

If people feel uncomfortable enough, they might decline because of that and they'll find another time to give the MTB a gift. 

I REALLY hate the arguement of "if you're close enough, you'll ** do whatever uncomfortable/ inconvienent thing that is asked of you **".  It's not always that simple.

klondikebar

Just "forget" to put it on the invitation. I'd happily take the blame for that rather than have awkwardness among the guests.

starlettedir

KlondikeBar:

Just "forget" to put it on the invitation. I'd happily take the blame for that rather than have awkwardness among the guests.

This

Liz4444

OK, so you say you'll put the people in red and black in the back of the photo... what about the 5'1" woman in a navy dress?  She doesn't get to be seen because of her fashion choices?  And if your having a photographer, I'm assuming they aren't being paid for just this one shot and they will be taking candids, will you tell them to not photograph anyone not in white or pastels? 

I agree with PPs, forget to put it on there, take the flak from the hostesses and do the right thing for the guests.  I also agree with the person who said if you write something about it being a "shabby, chic garden party" people will likely come dressed accordingly.

sinisforgiven

danieliza1127:

If you have to do it, keep it very short and simple - "Please wear white or pale colors for a lovely group photo"

 

 

For what it is, I like this wording too... Maybe add the word "optional" in there somewhere.

Disneygeek77

EastCoastBride:

babyonthebrain2010:

If you'd decline an invitation just because you don't want to wear white, I'm guessing you're not close enough to the guest of honor to be missed, anyway.

This isn't fair.  There is absolutely a societal pressure to do what "everyone else" is doing.  Someone gets an inviation like this but they don't wear/own white or pastels - then they start thinking "But what if I'm the only one who doesn't? I"ll feel like an a$$".  OR what if they can't afford to go out and buy new clothes? 

If people feel uncomfortable enough, they might decline because of that and they'll find another time to give the MTB a gift. 

I REALLY hate the arguement of "if you're close enough, you'll ** do whatever uncomfortable/ inconvienent thing that is asked of you **".  It's not always that simple.

Exactly, and that argument of yours could fall on your hostesses as well.  If they care more about how everyone would look in a photograph and not about you and the comfort level of your guests, well maybe they aren't that close to you as well. 

Your hotesses have the right to make a lot of decisions; however, putting your friends and family in an awkward position isn't one of them.  Some people ( like me) don't look good in pastels, others don't own nice clothes in pastels.  What your hostesses are doing is putting a picture above the comfort level of your guests and that isn't right. 

Honestly, I wouldn't include it at  all.  I would  just say you forgot or someone else  had to till out t he invitations for you because you weren't feeling well.  Or you could be completely honest and tell them how much you appreciate everything they are doing to give you a nice shower, but you don't feel comfortable asking that of your guests.  Again, if your hostesses love and care for you, then they will abide by what you are asking.