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2nd time + Mama's will you have/do you want a baby shower?

Hello all! This will be our 2nd baby and our LO is almost 5 years old now. Since it has been so long since our girl was a baby and so many products are new or have changed, I think I would really appreciate a baby shower. However, I can't help but feel that it is incredibly selfish of me to want one since we already have all of the big ticket items. There is still so much we need though - I've managed to come up with quite a big list already ... Yikes! What do you girls think? 
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Re: 2nd time + Mama's will you have/do you want a baby shower?

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    No to both questions.
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    imageJoy2611:

    I think you should go with your gut feeling - you have all the big ticket items.  Baby showers are for ushering the mom and dad into parenthood.  They aren't about buying the baby every single last thing it would need so the parents don't have to.  If people want to buy you stuff, great.  But, I think second showers are selfish and I wouldn't attend one. 

    You will find differing opinions on here, by the way.  It's a bit of a hot button topic.

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    I agree with the others. Some people have 'Sprinkles'...maybe a luncheon asking for girl clothes only (for example if you already have a boy) or diapers. That may be ok but I wouldn't ask for a full baby shower. Obviously I'm not having another shower even if we have a boy this time. I figure my close family will buy clothes, etc for LO anyway. I literally had a shower last year. LOL so that would be incredibly selfish on my part! 
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    eav2ceav2c member
    Incredibly selfish AND tacky, IMO.
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    Not a fan and not planning to have one. 
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    Glad my instincts seem to be right! Thanks for your opinions, I really appreciate it! The "sprinkles" idea is cute though, I may throw one for a friend in a similar situation (new baby with all her other LO's quite a bit older). Thanks again! Obviously if we find out we are having another girl, there will be absolutely no way I would be comfortable having another shower. I should have mentioned that in my original post.
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    Meh. I would suggest having a "Celebration of Life" luncheon. Only invite your closest friends. State that you DON'T gifts. I'm sure some people will be so excited about the new life, that they will bring gifts anyway.

    Just don't invite tons of people. Keep it small. And for the love of God, if you host it at a restaurant, don't ask them to pay for their own lunch.

    Otherwise, you'll just look gift gabby. 

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    In my family it is tradition to have a baby shower for every baby because every baby is special and needs to be celebrated... However I will be breaking the tradition and not having a 2nd one. I want to do something different to celebrate this baby and am having Gender/Sex Reveal party instead.
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    It's incredibly tacky.

    I don't understand what having the opposite sex has to do with anything.  If the argument is "every baby should be celebrated", I don't understand what the genitals have to do with it.

    Go with your instinct...just don't do it. Not that you'd host your own shower anyway...

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    Lurking*

    While I can see the points made on this board... I don't necessarily agree. I do think each baby should be celebrated. Like you said, you already have all the big ticket items and so those definitely shouldn't be on a registry. I know my family personally would want to get LO #2 things but would have no idea what I need and what I already have. I do like the idea of a gender reveal instead of a shower though.... I guess to each their own. I know I would only invite family and maybe one or two friends so I know none of them would take it the wrong way

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    Well considering that my youngest child is 9, yes I am absolutely going to have another baby shower as I have ZERO baby stuff left from either of my children...so I think this is acceptable :)
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    No I hate when ppl have a second shower, I don't care what the sex difference age difference is, a shower is to welcome the new mom into motherhood. Not celebrate the baby. 
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    meh. most of this is regional. 

     

    here, second/third showers are totally normal, BUT never in my life have I heard of someone throwing their own shower(s).

     

    I don't know if I'll have one. We're not involved in our old church anymore, and don't hang out with many people. I'm not concerned either way. I'm sure as heck not asking for one. lol 

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    There are a lot of girls who come from families that feel that every baby gets a full-blown shower. Some girls have "sprinkles" for second children.

    I personally do not want a 2nd shower, even if we find out we're having the opposite gender. There are a ton of things I need both for the new baby AND for our toddler to grow into, as some of her stuff gets reallocated, and as MY practical needs change. Our family has been very generous to me, and I do not want to gift-monger. Even if one were going to be planned as a surprise, DH would put the ky-bosh on things for me.

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    I think when there is a large space of time (which I consider 5 years to be so) it is acceptable for someone to throw you a shower.

    I personally have gone to someone else's 2nd or more child's shower, and have no issue buying a gift.  There is always something the person would need.  

    I am not planning on having a shower (not that I would plan my own anyways) I think my work will throw one for me, another 2nd time Mama is getting one, so I most likely will too.

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    Oh I def wouldn't be throwing my own but I know for certain that some friends and family members will plan one if I do not strictly specify that I don't want a shower. Also, having a boy or girl does matter to me because we already have so many girl items and will need lots if we have a boy. I do like the point made about baby showers being to "usher new Mom's into Morherhood". I also agree with the point that every baby is special and deserves to be celebrated. Wowza, this is a hot topic!
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    It's not my style. In general, you'll get lots of gifts from people even with a second baby.

    The worst offense is to throw one for yourself, though, so if you do have one, just make sure someone else is doing it.

    DS (7 years old) from FET in 2010
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    I neither expect nor really want another shower. People will give us gifts either way, I figure, but I feel like we have most of what we need (besides clothing depending on gender). 
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    imagechance_encounters:
    Well considering that my youngest child is 9, yes I am absolutely going to have another baby shower as I have ZERO baby stuff left from either of my children...so I think this is acceptable :)

    It's your responsibility to buy crap for your baby.  Looking for a shower to freeload off family and friends is WHY a second shower is tacky.

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    I guess the way I look at it is that I know my MIL would really want to throw me a sprikle for number two.... and that combined with the fact that I know everyone that would come would mostly be close family/friends... doesn't seem wrong to me. For me, it would be worse to deny MIL the opportunity to do that, and my family was constantly asking me about a registry, etc with LO because they wanted to be sure they were getting something I needed and not just some random baby stuff. They would prefer I had a list to buy from.

    Now... for the sprinkle I would  not include registry information in the invite and would just tell whoever was hosting that she should let people know when they ask.

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    I'm not sure when you're due, but we had DS in March, and it was perfect timing for Christmas. My family, DH's family and several friends all asked about registry info at Christmas, and honestly after their generosity, we were covered.
    Nathaniel David 3/22/11 #2 due 12/16/12
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    imageMandJS:

     Celebrating every baby is NOT the same as a baby shower for every baby. You can have a sip and see, meet the baby party, etc. and NOT call it a shower where people are expected to "shower" or "sprinkle" you with gifts.  

    I totally agree with this approach. I love the idea of having a party that is not a shower. A gender reveal party is another great way to celebrate the baby where it's pretty clear that no gifts are expected.

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    It is selfish of you to want one. And tacky. Sorry.

    ETA: I'm of the school of thought that while every baby should be celebrated, celebrating=/=baby shower for every baby. In my opinion, a baby shower is to usher a new mother into motherhood. Once you have a baby, you are no longer a new mother, and it's up to you to provide for your child, whether or not you got rid of/lost/have expired stuff. I also don't think it matters the age gap/sex difference between babies. If someone has a baby of the opposite sex of their first, they should either still use the stuff they already have, or replace it themselves. That's why I registered for gender neutral stuff, at least the big stuff. 

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    Hey listen, if someone close to you wants to throw you a small shower, "sprinkle", or come meet the baby party.....whats the harm?  I don't think you should ask someone to do it, and I don't think you should throw your own.  But if your people want to throw one, let them do it. 

    I think many amazing moments in life get ruined by the "rules" we put on them.  If it will make you happy to celebrate your new baby, then do it.  I don't think you'll get big items since you already have them, I wouldn't even register for them, but you'll get clothes, diapers, and other necessities and have a great time with friends and family getting exciting about your new little one...which is the point.  

     I know a lot of people think sprinkles and second showers are tacky, but IMO it really differs based on where you are from, the ideals of your close circle, and the feelings you yourself have about it.  

    I know my sister will throw a sprinkle for me.  I know she will.  It will be small, very small gifts if any, but a party for the new baby.  And it will be great.  I won't feel bad about it at all.  

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    Our big ticket items are all gender neutral as we didn't find out our daughter's gender. I never stated anywhere that "I registered for pink before and now I need new colors". But I think it is obvious that being that our child is a girl, we will need boy items. If my MIL, for example, offered to host a shower or "sprinkle" I would not be creating a registry, it would be optional for others to bring gifts or to instead donate to charity, as was the case with my shower for my daughter 5 years ago. I would never ask for, or request gifts, but being that our family and friends have eagerly awaited this baby after a long struggle with infertility, I know everyone is eager to celebrate and buy for the new little one. I think it is more a celebration of what we have overcome as a family in regards to our infertility and the new season of hope and joy ahead. This is the main reason I would appreciate and enjoy a shower. That explanation just seemed too long of a description to put  in my original post. But given the controversy maybe I should have better detailed my motivations for considering the many offers for showers I foresee coming once we announce this pregnancy. 
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    I will not have one - I am fine with that.  We have the big ticket items and I feel that we are going to have to just buy everything we need on our own.  I wouldn't mind if we got some thoughtful gifts like clothes and blankets, etc. once the baby is born though!
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    imageTaylersMommy:
    Our big ticket items are all gender neutral as we didn't find out our daughter's gender. I never stated anywhere that "I registered for pink before and now I need new colors". But I think it is obvious that being that our child is a girl, we will need boy items. If my MIL, for example, offered to host a shower or "sprinkle" I would not be creating a registry, it would be optional for others to bring gifts or to instead donate to charity, as was the case with my shower for my daughter 5 years ago. I would never ask for, or request gifts, but being that our family and friends have eagerly awaited this baby after a long struggle with infertility, I know everyone is eager to celebrate and buy for the new little one. I think it is more a celebration of what we have overcome as a family in regards to our infertility and the new season of hope and joy ahead. This is the main reason I would appreciate and enjoy a shower. That explanation just seemed too long of a description to put  in my original post. But given the controversy maybe I should have better detailed my motivations for considering the many offers for showers I foresee coming once we announce this pregnancy. 

    No worries dude, really try not to feel the need to defend yourself.  This is the bump and people on here have strong opinions.  Trust me.  I used to feel like I had to go back and explain myself, but three years later, I just don't care.  I think 1/2 the people who responded to your post get it.  I get it.  Sounds like you and I are in a similar boat.  If someone wants to throw me a sprinkle to recognize the hard journey we've had and celebrate the good things in life, I'll take it.  And I will not worry about etiquette.  

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    Asher Benjamin and Lola Aisling

     Infertility
    PCOS, Progesterone Deficiency Disorder, Multiple Miscarriage
    Clomid, Metformin, Ovadril, PIO, P17 Iron/Platlet Tranfusion

    My Spring Babies! 
    <3 Angel Baby   Elisabeth Adelle  April 2008 <3
    Asher Benjamin  April 2010
    Lola Aisling  May 2014
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    I did not want a second shower nor would I expect anyone to throw me on. That being said a few of the girls I work with (only 4 of them) did have a small one for me with DD. it was super sweet and very unexpected. I definitely would not expect one this time around.

    I know of people that had sprinkles but I did not attend them. 

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    I don't EXPECT one. While this is my second child, it's FI's first. FI came into my life when my son was just under a year old, and he's a little over two now. This will be the first grandchild and great grandchild on his side of the family, so I think that his family will throw a little sprinkle at some point but if they don't, then I really don't care. I could take it or leave it. I'd be grateful, but I wouldn't be upset if there wasn't one.

    I wasn't planning on having another baby anytime soon, so I got rid of all of DS's baby things except the boppy, his furniture, my breast bump and the swing. As an infant, DS hated all things baby related--- he hated the play mats, the saucers, the bouncy seats... everything. I know every baby is different, but I suppose that gave me perspective. The big things (like the furniture) we do have. Everything else is secondary, IMO.

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    No. I will not be having a baby shower. I will however have a "meet baby" day after the baby is born. I will not be registering or anything, but if someone wants to bring a gift, they are more then welcome to.

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    imagechance_encounters:
    Well considering that my youngest child is 9, yes I am absolutely going to have another baby shower as I have ZERO baby stuff left from either of my children...so I think this is acceptable :)

    This. When they are this drastically far apart I think a second shower is fine. Also, I posted something along the lines of this on the baby showers board and everyone was really nice and suggested something called a "Sip and see". It's a small get together after baby is born to celebrate baby's birth and asking nicely for no presents.  I think it sounded a lot better than a full blown shower, and is a nice intimate way to celebrate the new baby.

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    Several of my friends have had second children and we have either done a "Sip and See" party after the baby is here or a "Diaper and Wipes Sprinkle" before.  Personally I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea for myself even though I have no problem hosting or attending these showers for others.  I plan to not say anything and discourage as I can once it comes up.  My workplace always throws showers anytime anyone is pregnant no matter how many kids so I don't know how to get out of that one!  All our big items from DD are gender neutral bc we knew we wanted more children so there is only a handful of larger items we need and we'll take care of those things ourselves. 

    FYI DD's big girl carseat is pink and brown but you can also purchase custom covers for pretty much all carseats on Etsy for 2nd time moms!

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    I don't think it is tacky. In my case, my children will be 14 years apart so I obviously have no baby items other than the crib which I saved. A close friend offered to throw me a shower and I will be ever so grateful for whatever I get. I don't expect other people to provide everything for my child but my family and friends are the type of people who will buy things just because they are good hearted. Do whatever makes you happy. Who cares what everyone else thinks!
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