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Blended Families
Joint Custody Road Block
BF and I have joint custody and we alternate weeks with DS. DS is starting kindergarten in the fall and we are coming up to a problem with our arrangement. We live 30 min apart which hasn't been an issue because BF has been unemployed for the past couple of years. Now that he has run out of unemployment he is really pushing for a job but he may end up with a job an hour in the opposite direction of where I live and where DS is going to start school. Basically it makes it, not impossible but, a major strain on DS and BF if BF needs to get him to school on his days and still get to work. We are trying to come up with solutions that don't involve DS waking up at 5am, and getting home at 7pm on BF's days.
The only thing I can come up with is for me to have DS on weekdays and BF to have every weekend. That would really suck though because then I would never get any weekend time with DS plus DS would never get to see his stepbrother since we only have him every other weekend. Would it be too much to throw in me possibly having one weekend a month on top of weekdays or is that too much? I was also thinking of suggesting that maybe we could switch it over summers so that BF could put DS in a day camp for summers and have him during the week and then I would be the one with the weekends. Does this sound reasonable and still as 50/50 as we can make it? I'm just short on ideas and want to stay fair to everyone and especially do what is best for DS.
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Re: Joint Custody Road Block
I think it is awesome you are willing to keep things as 50/50 as possible. I am guessing that it is not possible for BF to find a job closer to you rather than farther away? Right now, it sounds as though the best solution is for DS to be with you during the week in order to have a stable morning school routine. Maybe you can suggest one or two days a week during the week where BF can pick DS up after school and do dinner and return him to you in the evening? I don't think it is too much to ask for one weekend a month so you can have some "play time" with DS and then reverse the schedule in the summer. If BF wants more time, there are always school vacations and Monday holidays where he could have an extended weekend or time with DS.
I think its great that you are working on balancing everyone's needs. I think your offer is more than fair, especially if you are willing to be flexible about the days in the summer. I think that you might find yourself really missing out on the weekend time. Its crazy how fast time goes in the evenings. Dinner, "homework" and bedtime routine really eat up any time to relax as a family.
Even if it causes your visitation to be uneven, I think you need to assign holidays as alternating. I think its so much fun to have our own family traditions around the holidays and think it would be unfair to your son to not have that experience at both homes.
I suggest coming up with a schedule and agreeing to use it for a trial period. After 6 months or so, agree to revisit the schedule and make sure that its working for everyone.
Hopefully he is able to find a job locally and all this is for nothing!
I know! I'm hoping it doesn't come down to that, I really don't want to miss my weekend time but I would rather miss it then have DS with such a messed up schedule on his dad's days. We do already switch holidays and that's been working for us so far. It just bums me out too that DS won't get to spend any time with his stepbrother. They are a year apart and are really close. He'll be really sad if he doesn't get to see him as much anymore. And even now it's very little they see each other.