invites...long
My friends are throwing my baby shower. This is our second child but due to the circumstances of the first one we had a small welcome baby party but no shower. Close family and a few friends were invited to the welcome baby party. So thats the background on the first time round. Now here is my issue....
SO's parents divorced before he was 5. Dads family was never truly close to my SO. like he did not go there for holidays, get calls on his birthday and the normal things that aunts, uncles, grandparents do. His dad passed away when he was 21 as well. His paternal grandparents are divorced and remarried. Now that I am around and I find family extremely important and I wanted to make sure that when we had our first child we made every attempt at including them so I knew his dads mom, step mom, sister and a step sister so I was sure to invite them to the welcome baby party. I got a call after the welcome baby party from his Step grandma ( although we simple call her by name) stating that she is sorry she couldn't come that she didnt have a ride and the girls would not bring her since they weren't invited. I was so confused being that his aunt, her stepdaughter came to the shower. I later find out that she has 5 daughters not just 1 daughter that I knew of and the reason her daughter and her did not come is because they were upset with the exception of one that they were not invited. I know kind of hard to follow.
I just finally met all of the step aunts last Sept. Although they knew of me....not a very big area were we are from.....I had no idea who they were. Not close or anything. Do I invite them to my shower this time. When I see them in public we say hello and ask about each others families but other then my SO's fathers memorial tournament that is held each year we don't see them unless we run into them out and about(not often). I don't want them to feel left out and they know we are expecting because the one works at the u/s office we go to but also don't know if it is ppl I should invite because they have to bring a gift and don't want them to think I am only inviting them for that reason. Please help....hope you understand it all, if not ask.
Re: invites...long
I had to read that three times and I am still not sure that I have it straight.... didn't your SO tell you that he had 5 step aunts, not just one?
Does SO want the closeness to his dad's side of the family?
I don't think I would invite them if I wasn't that close to them (ie - didn't know they existed), but that is just me.
No SO did not tell me that there was 5 I only knew of 1 of them the first time around and later have met the other 4...I did know 1 of the other 4 and never realized that it was a step aunt. He was not close with any of his fathers family...they just are not that kind of family. However I told him that since the 1 I knew exsisted showed up at the hospital with a gift and to see the baby that I wanted to make sure she was invited to the welcome baby party and that although they are not super close with him I think it showed a lot for them to come to hospital and that maybe they would like to be closer as well.
SO never said another word other then yes I think that is fine to invite her and that maybe I am right and they would like to be closer then what they are. IMO I think my MIL had a lot to do with them not being close because she was remarried and is divorced again and she pulls her daughter to the second husband away from her fathers family as well...a gain just IMO. However SO never said a word about any other stepaunts when I said I was inviting this one.
Then after the shower I got a call from the Step grandma saying she is sorry she didnt make it that the other daughters were upset that they were not invited and there for she didnt feel right coming. I tried to tell her that I am sorry although I know it wasnt my fault being that I didnt know the exsisted. Later talked to SO and he apologized that ya he should of told me about them although he himself only knew of 4 not 5...still he should of told me.
Since then I have been introduced to them all.. Most I knew to see but had no idea they were step aunts and they knew me. well my most i mean 3 out of the 5. I talk to them when we see each other and the one family event that we have a year.
Wasn;t sure if I should invite since they were upset about not being invited to the first one or if it just seems like I am inviting them to get a gift which is not the case at all. I just don't want to hurt anyones feelings.
Kind of random however that since I wrote this post one of the Step Aunts just messaged me on facebook with a congrats and to let me know the date of his fathers memorial softball tournament and said to let he know the details of the shower and if there is anything that she can do...so I am thinking that means she is planning on being invited. So like i learned from the first time around If I invite one I have to invite all...lol right?? lol
I am from a blended family as well and we don't use step either...however in his family they just refer to each other my name not aunt or uncle or anything i just put step so you understoof relationship....and yes I as well understand the reason the other were upset however I seriously did not know they existed....SO takes the fault for that