lucubratrix - and "other motherness"

2moms2twins

I saw your post to reply to me .. I am so interested to talk to you more since you are both NON gestational and gestational MOM.

I get your response ironically all the issues and such you mentioned are not a factor with the exception of the MOM favoritism ( which I just heard about from a woman i met)

My wife and I are on the same page with regards to the kids and we really complement each other ( we have twins ) breastfeeding but I did and do feel that I am very bonded with my girls ...  But i just want to hear about the differences if any of the NON-Gestational MOMMY-HOOD and the GESTATIONAL MOMMY-HOOD.  So I am not crazy ? I know several women who feel this way but just are not willing to admit that there is a SLIGHT difference.  I am not sayin the love is different or the care is different but there is just something different that I think only (we) non bio's can relate too.

Thanks for you reply it recall made me glad I am not alone and not as much as a wacko as I may come across.  

 

Kershnic

I don't know if you're in to blogs, but I read one that is written by two women who have two children, and they each gave birth to one of them.  It's not updated that often, but you might enjoy reading some of the back entries.  They're well-written and many focus on the issues around the difference between being the bio mom and being the non-bio mom. 

First Time Second Time

pbl2011

hi there thanks for posting! i love to see postings and discussions regarding other motherness as I did not carry our child. I don't think the interest seems crazy at all - I've searched high and low for sources that may be able to relate to this experience, but I've found few options out there. There is definitely "something different" but its hard to pinpoint and often difficult to discuss. I am 100% interested in seeing more discussions of this nature

2moms2twins

pbl2011:

hi there thanks for posting! i love to see postings and discussions regarding other motherness as I did not carry our child. I don't think the interest seems crazy at all - I've searched high and low for sources that may be able to relate to this experience, but I've found few options out there. There is definitely "something different" but its hard to pinpoint and often difficult to discuss. I am 100% interested in seeing more discussions of this nature

 

if you have any questions or just wanna ask  or put it out there do so  i will always chime in.  As I said in previous posts I am 100% my girls mom  but there are things that might happen have happen and I try to explain in to my wife who carried them but  sometimes she just does not understand.

don't get me wrong we are a great team when it comes to out girls... and compliment each other very well most of the time.  

2moms2twins

Kershnic:

I don't know if you're in to blogs, but I read one that is written by two women who have two children, and they each gave birth to one of them.  It's not updated that often, but you might enjoy reading some of the back entries.  They're well-written and many focus on the issues around the difference between being the bio mom and being the non-bio mom. 

First Time Second Time

THANKS 

2moms2twins

lucubratrix:

I have looooved being a nongestational mom and a gestational mom alike, and I don't think there is ANY difference in how much I love my kids or how I parent them or how much I feel like "mom". DW and I were both really and totally clear that we wanted to BOTH be equal parents and both be "mom", and made that a priority... but I think that getting to that point took a bit more work and conscious effort from both myself and my wife.

We read a book called "The Other Mother" on this topic and I really really really strongly disagreed with many of the essays in it, so I think that how this works out can vary hugely in different two-mom fmailies.

But for us, it took a lot of fighting for, but we really did achieve a very balanced situation where we're both equal parents and it doesn't matter much who gestated whom. The bonding, the intense emotional "you're my BABY!" feeling - all of that was the same.

 What has been most different - how readily other people recognize us as parents.

I do think it's fun to see myself in my bio-son, physically, but I think it's actually even more fun to see myself in my non-bio-son. And I mean that in non-physical ways, since we used the same known donor for both boys, and he wasn't chosen at all for his resemblence to either me or my wife. The kid I didn't gestate just has a lot of my personality and since I'm the primary caregiver he has picked up a lot of my mannerisms and interests. I take such great joy and pride in those things, as I did in the fact that he is mine and we have this connection not because it was handed to us by biology, but because we really worked at it!

ha we read Other mother too ... I am agree with what you say and I think DW and I are equals when it come to our family and the love and caring we give... we dont fight about that we just fight about me telling her i did not want her family there...

for the most part she and I are a solid well greased machine ... and complement each other well in most situations especially with the girls.  But i feel like there are times where I have to overachieve or over exert my MOTHERNESS like if we are out I want to be sure I am pushing the stroller and just dumb lame things because - why i have no idea .... and she has no prob with that but I just know there are some differences.  like i think the 1st time they prefer her over me I might be sad.. I know it may happens it may not .. but  the last time one kid was sick ...I was a lil upset that she was sitting with kid and getting puked on ... hahah like i said its lame ... and I can tell that the girls have already picked up my mannerism and things  but my  deal is that there IS a difference again it could be my over thinking over processing !