Hello, since this is the November Birth Club, I decided to reach out for help from you ladies. Here's the story.. Moved to small town in 2010 because of finance problems my parents were having at the time, and at that time I was only 19. In the fall of that same year I met and fell in love with this guy. First guy I ever fell for. Was in love instantly, I can say that now because I really didn't know at the time or was familiar with those new emotions and feelings I was having. Anyways, he was my first everything. First kiss, first love, first boyfriend. First guy to hold my hand. All of that, and also more, since I now am pregnant with his baby. Anyways, a year past, well a little more than a year now. This past Feb I found out he had been lying and cheating on me with his ex-gf since the end of March of 2011. I was beyond devastated. We had been going through many up's and down's as most couples go through, and in December I broke up with him for awhile. But still always feeling like we were and would be together. After finding out what he was doing, I decided I loved him more than I really realized before and wanted to make things work and be with him no matter what. From Feb to March of this year I was putting forth all my effort and energy to make things back to normal, all the time believing he was being honest now and was going to break things off with him.
**Side note, this ex-gf who was really his real girlfriend the entire time, well she has a son of her own who I believe is 7 or 8, well he's very since. Has cancer and from what I've been told it's not looking too great. I feel this is a major reason why he went back to her. He basically raised this boy since he was around 1. I think he felt really guilty because the little boy would call him crying asking when he was coming home, etc.**
Anyways, end of March came and I found out I was pregnant. Told him and he seemed pretty shocked/excited. We had always talked about having kids and getting married. During this time the father was going and still is going through major issues with his work, he's in law enforcement and was forced to quit. With him quitting, he decided to move to the town that is 40 minutes away and where his ex/real girlfriend lives. He told me he was going to move in with his grandma, find a place then take me with him to start our family. Turns out he really planned to move in back with his ex/gf. That's where he is today. He doesn't talk to me anymore, wont answer his phone for texts or calls. It's just really shocking that he was capable of doing this to not only me but his own baby.
I'm finding it really hard to move on and cope with this lost. I know I shouldn't love him anymore, i should hate him for what he's done to me and his baby but I can't help the way I feel about him. I'm still in love deeply and I find it a struggle everyday to focus on anything other than things involving him. This post is very long and there is still so much I've left out.
Basically, what do I do? How can I find happiness again? I am so confused as to how a man can one day tell you he loves you, kiss your stomach, and the next disappear and like a light switch, turn off any feelings or emotions he had for you. I know there are other, better men out there that would never do this or what not. But my goal in life was to be with one man and share my life with that man in every way. I feel like I've ruined that and morally, I know I can never fully be with another without feeling guilty and devastated even more.
Ladies, what can I do? What would you do? I'm not trying to get him back.. I just want to go one day without crying. or thinking about something and feeling like dying.