People don't get it. At all. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

People don't get it. At all.

One of my coworkers just asked me to help plan my boss' baby shower.  Whose due 2 months before my first EDD.  She does not know I'm in the middle of my 2nd miscarriage, but still.  It hurts either way.  So now I'm sitting at my desk, crying. And, because I don't want to look like a jackass, I swallowed hard, fought back the tears and said, "sure." 

Cycle 7: BFP 1-17-12, Missed Miscarriage at 8w6d (measured 7w2d, no HB), D&C 2-29-12
Cycle 9: BFP 5-3-12:EDD 1-24-13 It's a girl! Born 12-27-12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Re: People don't get it. At all.

  • People just suck.  I wish they would think before they speak.  Seriously. 

    (hugs)

  • Yeah I would totally back out... they don't need to know why!!! Just say that you're not feeling up for it but you would love to attend or something...
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BFP 1 - March 26, 2012, MMC discovered May 21, 2012
    BFP 2 - October 30, 2012, Rainbow Baby Boy born July 14, 2013
    TTC no sooner than November 2014
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  • AlbahAlbah
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    member
    Uggh people just don't think!!! I would try to back out as well. Just tell her she caught you by surprise but that you don't feel up to being so involved with the details of the shower after what you've been through. <hugs>
    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers image
    BFP #3: 01/28/12, EDD: 09/23/12, MMC (BO), D&C 2/16/12 at 6.5 wks
    BFP #4: 05/23/12, EDD: 01/31/12, Early MC at 5 wks

    RPL Workup: + LPD (7DPO Prog = 7.8, Endometrial Bx = out of phase)
    Elevated Alpha 2-glycoprotein IgA and antiphosphatidylserine IgM -->
    Hematologist said not to worry and no need for treatment!

    Dx: LPD
    Cycle #1(08/2012): Clomid 50 mg CD3-7, Ovidrel CD13 + Progesterone = It worked!
    BFP #5 on 09/10/12 (11 DPO). HCG #1 @ 14DPO = 131.6 HCG #2 @ 16DPO = 509
    EDD: 05/23/2013 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

  • I had something similiar happen last month...this is how I declined:

    "I think its really nice of you to want to host something for her new addition, and I'm honored that you would want to include me in the planning process. However given my recent losses, and considering that our due dates were relatively close together, I am just not prepared to help plan anything baby related. I feel bad, but I know you'll understand."

    You are under ZERO obligation to help with the planning.

    He's my fairytale, a dream when I'm not sleeping.

    <a href="http://s279.photobucket.com/albums/kk121/behapybride/?action=view
  • image behapy2day:

    I had something similiar happen last month...this is how I declined:

    "I think its really nice of you to want to host something for her new addition, and I'm honored that you would want to include me in the planning process. However given my recent losses, and considering that our due dates were relatively close together, I am just not prepared to help plan anything baby related. I feel bad, but I know you'll understand."

    You are under ZERO obligation to help with the planning.

    Hm, I may have to think about using this.  I'm going to give it a couple of days before I say anything.  I absolutely DON'T want to help, but I feel a bit obligated since she its my boss.  But, this is her second kid...why couldn't we just do a gift card or something?  Plus, it's not till July, so I keep hoping maybe things won't feel so fresh in a couple of weeks...but I know they still will.

    Cycle 7: BFP 1-17-12, Missed Miscarriage at 8w6d (measured 7w2d, no HB), D&C 2-29-12
    Cycle 9: BFP 5-3-12:EDD 1-24-13 It's a girl! Born 12-27-12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • If it makes you feel any better, I am on the Hospitality Committee at the University I work for, and they are throwing a surprise baby shower for one of my coworkers tomorrow. I LITERALLY just got a phone call asking if I would mind acting as the "Master of Ceremonies" (ex: say a welcome, tell people when to eat, when we're opening gifts, blah blah blah, etc...) I nearly felt my heart leave my chest and said I would prefer it if So and so did it this time... and said some awkward, lame excuse.

    I dont feel bad about it either.

    He's my fairytale, a dream when I'm not sleeping.

    <a href="http://s279.photobucket.com/albums/kk121/behapybride/?action=view
  • klbowieklbowie
    250 Answers 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its
    member
    image kpowers982:
    image behapy2day:

    I had something similiar happen last month...this is how I declined:

    "I think its really nice of you to want to host something for her new addition, and I'm honored that you would want to include me in the planning process. However given my recent losses, and considering that our due dates were relatively close together, I am just not prepared to help plan anything baby related. I feel bad, but I know you'll understand."

    You are under ZERO obligation to help with the planning.

    I would use it.  There is no reason why you should have to do this and no reason why you should feel guilty about not wanting to.  Just because your co-worker doesn't know about your 2nd doesn't obligate you.  I assume she knows about the first one which she should understand.  She never should have asked you in the first place.  I would be livid if my co-worker did that to me. 

    I think you may feel better in July but it will still bring you back to this place when she first asked you.  I think you should back out gracefully or not.  But you have every right to feel this way.  I am sorry things suck right now.  I wish I could take away your pain.

    Hm, I may have to think about using this.  I'm going to give it a couple of days before I say anything.  I absolutely DON'T want to help, but I feel a bit obligated since she its my boss.  But, this is her second kid...why couldn't we just do a gift card or something?  Plus, it's not till July, so I keep hoping maybe things won't feel so fresh in a couple of weeks...but I know they still will.

    BFP#1 02/19/12 missed mc 03/30/12 1st D&C 05/16/12 2nd D&C 08/17/12 
    BFP #2 06/26/13 EDD 2/26/14 Hoping for my rainbow baby!
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    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    ~~AL Always Welcome~~
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  • Oh I'm so sorry! Can you maybe send this person an email and back out? We can help you think of good excuses if you need some help!

    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


  • image kpowers982:
    image behapy2day:

    I had something similiar happen last month...this is how I declined:

    "I think its really nice of you to want to host something for her new addition, and I'm honored that you would want to include me in the planning process. However given my recent losses, and considering that our due dates were relatively close together, I am just not prepared to help plan anything baby related. I feel bad, but I know you'll understand."

    You are under ZERO obligation to help with the planning.

    Hm, I may have to think about using this.  I'm going to give it a couple of days before I say anything.  I absolutely DON'T want to help, but I feel a bit obligated since she its my boss.  But, this is her second kid...why couldn't we just do a gift card or something?  Plus, it's not till July, so I keep hoping maybe things won't feel so fresh in a couple of weeks...but I know they still will.

    I would imagine there are plenty of others who can help. You should not feel obligated. I wouldn't be able to handle it personally. Gosh, people really can be so very oblivious in life. It's pathetic really  

    imageimage
    image

    EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves

    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Wow--that super sucks.  I would definitely try and back out :(  That is just too much.  I understand feeling obligated because she is your boss, but with what you are going through right now that is just alot to undertake.  And if it is her second child, I didn't even think showers were thrown??  I've heard of "Sprinkle" if it is a different gender, but a work shower seems a bit much.

    We will totally brainstorm with you to come up with some good excuses.

    Many ((hugs))

    TTC #1 since November 2011
    ** BFP #1 - M/C at 6 weeks 4/13/2012 **
    ** BFP #2 - expecting a little leprechaun!! EDD 3/21/13 | HB 7/30/2012 (6w3d) **
    NT Scan 9/4 - looked great! | Grow, baby, grow!!! | A/S 10/29

    ***All AL always welcome***
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