November 2012 Moms

Mommy needs a break... (vent)

My children woke up today at 6am because we ordered pavers and wood for our new deck and patio and that's when they delivered them. So the beeping truck and all the commotion woke them up. My husband put them back to bed but how can they sleep when my mother is putting away their laundry because I was so exhausted last night I didn't do it. Then she comes in my room to put my husbands laundry away. So finally I gave up any hope of sleep and fed the kids breakfast. My 3 year old constantly asks Nana to feed her even though she is quite capable of doing it herself. I told her to stop, to eat like a big girl and my mom chimes in "she just wants someone's attention. You're feeding DS his yogurt." Um yeah. He's 16 months old and I don't feel like scraping blueberry yogurt off the ceiling. 

 Then we go and start watching a movie and my mother is banging and makother lots of noise in her room (yep. She lives with us... Still) so of course the kids want to go in there and jump on her bed which I do not allow them to do. Finally I said enough. Off with the movie that I ended up watching by myself and hauled kids up to bed for naps. DD wanted to wear a princess dress to nap. I told her no. Those were for play time not nap time. My mom comes up with apparently more laundry and what do you know? SHe lets DD wear a princess dress to bed. I was in the bathroom and saw that am I'm just about ready to pack my crap and leave. Im always struggling with my husband and my mother and my in laws doing whatever the hell they want. It means the kids never listen or respect me and frankly it's a bunch of bull. If they think thy can do a better job. Fine. I'll go back to work an make my own money again and actually have someone tell me I'm doing a good job because frankly I haven't heard that in about 3 years. 

mr & mrs || 11.18.06
DD born 07.06.09 || DS born 01.24.11 || Bean 3.0 due 11.16.12

Re: Mommy needs a break... (vent)

  • Yikes, I'm sorry that you are fed up but this sounds pretty whiney.  Your mom was putting away your laundry and the kids laundry and that annoyed you?  I don't really see the big deal about her making noise while you wanted to watch a movie or feeding your daughter or the dress really but I understand your frustration with her undermining you.
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  • I don't ask or even want her to do the laundry. She does it because I don't do it fast enough or I don't do it right on her opinion. It's the same thing with cleaning. She cleans behind me because I don't do it the "right" way.  She also does it with child rearing (obviously), my marriage, everything. We let her come here because she imploded her life and had no where else to go.  She's not going to be welcme here much longer either.
    mr & mrs || 11.18.06
    DD born 07.06.09 || DS born 01.24.11 || Bean 3.0 due 11.16.12
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  • my mom is 13 hours away. My in laws are 16 hours away.. My DH travels for work, literally gone Monday through Friday. So it's just me and LO all week long (oh and did I mention we're moving so the house has to be constantly spotless just in case someone wants to come see it?). I would kill for your situation.  That said, I would probably be all set after a week of it.

    I would have a talk with your mom and maybe set some ground rules so things aren't so chaotic. I wouldn't like the constant undermining, the kiddo's have to know that you're the boss.

    Good luck and I hope you find a day of peace this weekend!

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  • blabbeblabbe member
    Sixth Anniversary Photogenic
    I would also get really annoyed if I was trying to set ground rules and someone else was telling my child it was ok. I feel like a lot of grandparents do this. My In Laws dont listen much to me. They think its fine to do whatever they want with DD but right now its so important that she isnt confused with "yes" and "no" which we've just started with her. They also think its ok to feed her whatever they want. She's not even 10 months for goodness sake....
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  • image MrsBarkel2B:
    I don't ask or even want her to do the laundry. She does it because I don't do it fast enough or I don't do it right on her opinion. It's the same thing with cleaning. She cleans behind me because I don't do it the "right" way.  She also does it with child rearing (obviously), my marriage, everything. We let her come here because she imploded her life and had no where else to go.  She's not going to be welcme here much longer either.

     I would have a serious discussion with her about this.  It's not acceptable to undermine you in everything you do, especially when it comes to your house, marriage and children.

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  • lavet22lavet22 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Photogenic
    My parents live 13hrs away, and it's the best thing thats ever happened to our relationship!!!!  I would go insane with the putting away my families laundry and undermining my parenting.  INSANE.  Honestly, I could live with someone cleaning my house all the time, tho  Stick out tongue  But I get what you mean.  I'd have a serious sit down conversation with her that states this is your house, your kids, your family, and what you say goes.  If she continues to undermine the things you are telling/teaching your children, she will no longer be welcome in your home.  You just can't go on with that kind of disrespect, think of how it will be when the kids are teenagers and they still don't think they have to listen to you???
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  • You need to talk to her about this. Especially the undermining you in front of your kids. That would not fly with me. My mom is huge on the telling me I'm doing everything wrong thing, but there's no way she's going to tell my kid that she's allowed to do something if I say no. Not in my house.

     

  • I totally get what you're going through. My MIL stays with us for months at a time. And it's great in some ways, and really really annoying in others. I feel like a total heel for complaining when she's trying to help me, but she has a knack for doing the NOISIEST thing possible when I've just gotten DS to sleep. You needed to wash the one dirty pot in the kitchen RIGHT NOW? While DS is asleep in the very next room? Really? And washing it requires that you clang it like a drum every 3 seconds?

    But undermining your parenting has got to stop. I bit MIL's head off one night and she hasn't done it since. Still some passive aggressive comments from time to time, but not in front of the kids, so I can keep my temper.

    If your mom is there long-term, would she be up for taking care of the kids full time while you work? Could you stand it that way? (I just suggest it because my grandma lived with my mom and me and took care of me while my mom worked - they did this for 7 years)

    The former jen5/03.

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