What are the circumstances here? We may need to know more before we can give you GOOD advice. My first, knee jerk reaction is to say DTMFA, but that's me.
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."- Emily Bronte
a girl who he has been sending countless messages to showed me what he was saying to her. like, trying to get them to meet because 'he can't stop thinking about her' and misses her and wants to do other things(which i'm thinking you know where im getting at) ..and apparently he did the same to some other girl.
So im just really frustrated that he can't admit it when the proof is there. and apologise or something to make this better but he is stuck on defending himself. I just decided to end things. My heart is basically stone right now.. but this will pass because i don't want to dwell on it for it to negatively affect my son in there. Especially being almost 34weeks now. my shower is this weekend and im hoping it cheers me up. *Sigh*
The worst thing you can do is get stressed out. Hang in there, and remember you're almost done. One thing at a time!
As far as protecting your son, I would hire a good lawyer for consultation purposes and look into setting a custody arrangement. I would also make sure I had all my financial ducks in a row, so to speak. Once you have things figured out for your son, it will probably lessen your stress a bit.
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."- Emily Bronte
Personally I'd kick his ass to the curb. While yes he can still be there for the baby if he chooses I'd want nothing else from him. You deserve someone who is going to respect you and want to be with you and only you.
that does not always equal MUD. this doesn't seem like MUD to me because she's already responded on here saying she broke it off. usually with MUD they drag things out to get a reaction from others. this is pretty much done, and i'm glad she broke it off because this guy is a jerk.
There are a lot of really great articles in the "Healing Library" that will help you figure out what to do, and sort through what you're feeling.
Also, check out the forums. Lurk at first, if you'd prefer, as there is a lot of really great advice on there. But, if you feel up to it, sign up and post your story. There are a lot of people there that have been through it, and survived (with or without their wayward spouse/partner), and will be able to help show you exactly what to do to protect yourself, get the facts, deal with your (ex)BF going forward, etc.
I do think a lot of people just read these boards until something truly upsetting happens in their life and they finally post. I think it's sort of rude to ignore someone's issue when they're not causing/starting drama just because they have only posted once or a few times...
that does not always equal MUD. this doesn't seem like MUD to me because she's already responded on here saying she broke it off. usually with MUD they drag things out to get a reaction from others. this is pretty much done, and i'm glad she broke it off because this guy is a jerk.
Ehhh not always. I think this is MUD too because who the hell would choose to ask strangers on the internet, on a very specific board, something like this? I mean, god forbid an actual member of this board have this issue, but I could see that post NOT being MUD. First time poster? Weird.
Honestly, I'm really effing tired of all the stupid 1st posts we keep getting here. We have a community, and its not that people aren't welcome to join, but its like people only join at this point when they want something. Point in case with OP. (Thats a preview of my FFFC I guess).
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Personally I'd kick his ass to the curb. While yes he can still be there for the baby if he chooses I'd want nothing else from him. You deserve someone who is going to respect you and want to be with you and only you.
This.
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I do think a lot of people just read these boards until something truly upsetting happens in their life and they finally post. I think it's sort of rude to ignore someone's issue when they're not causing/starting drama just because they have only posted once or a few times...
I don't know whats rude about ignoring a stranger. "Hi, you don't know me but I need personal, intimate advice from you." Uh, ok. Thats exactly what I meant by people only joining a COMMUNITY setting when they need something.
Honestly, I'm wondering how many people who don't even bother to post, not even a quick "glad you had fun at your shower" or something, and will tell us all about their LO's birth. Or make an account just for that. THAT might be rude.
Sorry, but even if lurkers feel part of the community, the community may not feel the same because they've made no effort to join in the fun. And this may sound terrible, but I honestly don't give a sh!t about people who do that, because I feel like I've "gotten to know" or have something invested in people who at least make a small effort to participate. I feel like those same people may "know" me a bit, too. Perfect strangers--not so much. All it takes is a a small amount of interest in our board to really "be a part" of it, but these MUD posters or otherwise haven't even tried to be a part.
Sorry but this is retarded. I'm pretty sure TB is a public forum to ask questions and relate with others in the same boat as you. I check the boards that apply to me almost daily & only sometimes have something to contribute to or a question to ask, that doesn't mean I'm not allowed bc I haven't made a specified # of courtesy comments/posts! I have no clue if this is MUD but if you think it is then why entertain it? I think sometimes people with issues such as this might feel better asking a bunch of strangers for honest/unbiased opinions, whom they'll never have to face.
I do think a lot of people just read these boards until something truly upsetting happens in their life and they finally post. I think it's sort of rude to ignore someone's issue when they're not causing/starting drama just because they have only posted once or a few times...
I don't know whats rude about ignoring a stranger. "Hi, you don't know me but I need personal, intimate advice from you." Uh, ok. Thats exactly what I meant by people only joining a COMMUNITY setting when they need something.
Honestly, I'm wondering how many people who don't even bother to post, not even a quick "glad you had fun at your shower" or something, and will tell us all about their LO's birth. Or make an account just for that. THAT might be rude.
Sorry, but even if lurkers feel part of the community, the community may not feel the same because they've made no effort to join in the fun. And this may sound terrible, but I honestly don't give a sh!t about people who do that, because I feel like I've "gotten to know" or have something invested in people who at least make a small effort to participate. I feel like those same people may "know" me a bit, too. Perfect strangers--not so much. All it takes is a a small amount of interest in our board to really "be a part" of it, but these MUD posters or otherwise haven't even tried to be a part.
Sorry but this is retarded. I'm pretty sure TB is a public forum to ask questions and relate with others in the same boat as you. I check the boards that apply to me almost daily & only sometimes have something to contribute to or a question to ask, that doesn't mean I'm not allowed bc I haven't made a specified # of courtesy comments/posts! I have no clue if this is MUD but if you think it is then why entertain it? I think sometimes people with issues such as this might feel better asking a bunch of strangers for honest/unbiased opinions, whom they'll never have to face.
Hold up tnd81, change your vocabulary ASAP. Not cool.
Sorry, very poor choice of slang on my part. I honestly didn't think about it because I don't believe "retarded" is an appropriate word for anyone with any sort of medical condition.
that does not always equal MUD. this doesn't seem like MUD to me because she's already responded on here saying she broke it off. usually with MUD they drag things out to get a reaction from others. this is pretty much done, and i'm glad she broke it off because this guy is a jerk.
Ehhh not always. I think this is MUD too because who the hell would choose to ask strangers on the internet, on a very specific board, something like this? I mean, god forbid an actual member of this board have this issue, but I could see that post NOT being MUD. First time poster? Weird.
Honestly, I'm really effing tired of all the stupid 1st posts we keep getting here. We have a community, and its not that people aren't welcome to join, but its like people only join at this point when they want something. Point in case with OP. (Thats a preview of my FFFC I guess).
The situation she described is just like mine, except I was actually married to the jerk and not just dating him.
If anyone else is truly going through this then I have nothing but sympathy for them, I wouldn't wish it on anyone no matter what. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Its completely changed my world. My personality is even vastly different and at times I feel like I will never be myself again. If someone is faking this kind of situation just for drama then I think they are almost as bad as the people that fake being pregnant or fake having babies that are sick (NOTHING is as low as those two in my opinion.)
If the OP is truly going through this, then my heart does break for her. I would suggest to her to leave his pathetic @ss even though it is very hard to think about being a single parent. To get a lawyer and never stop fighting for what her child deserves even if its a knock down drag out fight for months on end. Also, to remind herself that no matter what that baby comes first and she has got to be easy on herself even if he tells her shes at fault.
If this isn't made up, then maybe she is just reaching out now that she needs advice and is feeling lost. I do agree that it sounds a little iffy though and I've noticed A LOT of people going through hard situations end up being trolls or making up horrible things just for entertainment. Not cool if this is the case here.
:.:.Dear baby boy, No one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.:.:
@ MissMusic - I get it and see your points. I sorta see your point about posting on July 2012 board but I assumed she's due in July and was looking for responses from ladies who are roughly as deep into pregnancy/close to birth as she is. I don't really see the problem there. That's how I view the July 2012 board but if it's specifically a board for MissMusic and the "regulars" then I wish TB would make that more clear at the top of the page.
My heart goes out to her too if this is for real. That's not any position to be in right now or anytime. I have had some REALLY trying times in my marriage and in the initial stages when you're desperate you go wherever you can to find answers or look for relief in the moment. If its MUD then she's crazy and you can choose to ignore it. You say it really annoys you when people jump in outta nowhere & expect your time giving them advice, what difference is it if you're instead investing your time debating if it's MUD?
yes i am due in july thats why i posted here.. in most posts i dont feel to join in the conversations..i just post when i feel most necessary to. if anyone finds that an issue that is their problem..people with control issues i presume.. nobody forces anyone to reply to the posts, or even post more than what they find necessary.. some people here are just being ridiculous... if you had nothing to say about my issue why couldnt you just overlook it and ignore it. I cant expect all people to understand ofcourse.. but when you have nothing to say in relation to certain issues don't waste your time.
Thanks for all those who gave me advice and links to deal with this.. i appreciate it ladies.. im dealing with this and i hope for healing.
yes i am due in july thats why i posted here.. in most posts i dont feel to join in the conversations..i just post when i feel most necessary to. if anyone finds that an issue that is their problem..people with control issues i presume.. nobody forces anyone to reply to the posts, or even post more than what they find necessary.. some people here are just being ridiculous... if you had nothing to say about my issue why couldnt you just overlook it and ignore it. I cant expect all people to understand ofcourse.. but when you have nothing to say in relation to certain issues don't waste your time.
Thanks for all those who gave me advice and links to deal with this.. i appreciate it ladies.. im dealing with this and i hope for healing.
There are many posts that I have posted where one or two people have responded. You just tend to not want to comment after a while - especially since I have been here since the beginning of when I found out (4w) - at first - great! after a few months - you dont have many questions or someone else has already answered what you would have said - it doesnt mean that you dont want to be a part of the community - but that you really have nothing to contribute to a thread.
Anyway - when it comes to matters of the heart and a child is involved - it is best to listen to your OWN instincts and do what you know you have to - regardless of how hard it may appear now. You will have to deal with this person for a very long time - so be smart about how you proceed and be a mother first - good luck -
Re: cheating
a girl who he has been sending countless messages to showed me what he was saying to her. like, trying to get them to meet because 'he can't stop thinking about her' and misses her and wants to do other things(which i'm thinking you know where im getting at) ..and apparently he did the same to some other girl.
So im just really frustrated that he can't admit it when the proof is there. and apologise or something to make this better but he is stuck on defending himself. I just decided to end things. My heart is basically stone right now.. but this will pass because i don't want to dwell on it for it to negatively affect my son in there. Especially being almost 34weeks now. my shower is this weekend and im hoping it cheers me up. *Sigh*
The worst thing you can do is get stressed out. Hang in there, and remember you're almost done. One thing at a time!
As far as protecting your son, I would hire a good lawyer for consultation purposes and look into setting a custody arrangement. I would also make sure I had all my financial ducks in a row, so to speak. Once you have things figured out for your son, it will probably lessen your stress a bit.
that does not always equal MUD. this doesn't seem like MUD to me because she's already responded on here saying she broke it off. usually with MUD they drag things out to get a reaction from others. this is pretty much done, and i'm glad she broke it off because this guy is a jerk.
Check out https://survivinginfidelity.com/
There are a lot of really great articles in the "Healing Library" that will help you figure out what to do, and sort through what you're feeling.
Also, check out the forums. Lurk at first, if you'd prefer, as there is a lot of really great advice on there. But, if you feel up to it, sign up and post your story. There are a lot of people there that have been through it, and survived (with or without their wayward spouse/partner), and will be able to help show you exactly what to do to protect yourself, get the facts, deal with your (ex)BF going forward, etc.
Mama's Clone - 07/18/12
This.
Sorry but this is retarded. I'm pretty sure TB is a public forum to ask questions and relate with others in the same boat as you. I check the boards that apply to me almost daily & only sometimes have something to contribute to or a question to ask, that doesn't mean I'm not allowed bc I haven't made a specified # of courtesy comments/posts! I have no clue if this is MUD but if you think it is then why entertain it? I think sometimes people with issues such as this might feel better asking a bunch of strangers for honest/unbiased opinions, whom they'll never have to face.
Op good luck!
Hold up tnd81, change your vocabulary ASAP. Not cool.
The situation she described is just like mine, except I was actually married to the jerk and not just dating him.
If anyone else is truly going through this then I have nothing but sympathy for them, I wouldn't wish it on anyone no matter what. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Its completely changed my world. My personality is even vastly different and at times I feel like I will never be myself again. If someone is faking this kind of situation just for drama then I think they are almost as bad as the people that fake being pregnant or fake having babies that are sick (NOTHING is as low as those two in my opinion.)
If the OP is truly going through this, then my heart does break for her. I would suggest to her to leave his pathetic @ss even though it is very hard to think about being a single parent. To get a lawyer and never stop fighting for what her child deserves even if its a knock down drag out fight for months on end. Also, to remind herself that no matter what that baby comes first and she has got to be easy on herself even if he tells her shes at fault.
If this isn't made up, then maybe she is just reaching out now that she needs advice and is feeling lost. I do agree that it sounds a little iffy though and I've noticed A LOT of people going through hard situations end up being trolls or making up horrible things just for entertainment. Not cool if this is the case here.
@ MissMusic - I get it and see your points. I sorta see your point about posting on July 2012 board but I assumed she's due in July and was looking for responses from ladies who are roughly as deep into pregnancy/close to birth as she is. I don't really see the problem there. That's how I view the July 2012 board but if it's specifically a board for MissMusic and the "regulars" then I wish TB would make that more clear at the top of the page.
My heart goes out to her too if this is for real. That's not any position to be in right now or anytime. I have had some REALLY trying times in my marriage and in the initial stages when you're desperate you go wherever you can to find answers or look for relief in the moment. If its MUD then she's crazy and you can choose to ignore it. You say it really annoys you when people jump in outta nowhere & expect your time giving them advice, what difference is it if you're instead investing your time debating if it's MUD?
yes i am due in july thats why i posted here.. in most posts i dont feel to join in the conversations..i just post when i feel most necessary to. if anyone finds that an issue that is their problem..people with control issues i presume.. nobody forces anyone to reply to the posts, or even post more than what they find necessary.. some people here are just being ridiculous... if you had nothing to say about my issue why couldnt you just overlook it and ignore it. I cant expect all people to understand ofcourse.. but when you have nothing to say in relation to certain issues don't waste your time.
Thanks for all those who gave me advice and links to deal with this.. i appreciate it ladies.. im dealing with this and i hope for healing.
There are many posts that I have posted where one or two people have responded. You just tend to not want to comment after a while - especially since I have been here since the beginning of when I found out (4w) - at first - great! after a few months - you dont have many questions or someone else has already answered what you would have said - it doesnt mean that you dont want to be a part of the community - but that you really have nothing to contribute to a thread.
Anyway - when it comes to matters of the heart and a child is involved - it is best to listen to your OWN instincts and do what you know you have to - regardless of how hard it may appear now. You will have to deal with this person for a very long time - so be smart about how you proceed and be a mother first - good luck -