Do you find that people seem to have a lot of issues?

Dochas

I have never been a really social person.  In school and throughout life I always had a group of friends that I stuck with and didn't really bounce around with casual friends that came and went.  And I usually had boyfriends and didn't just date casually.  Just as some background lol.  But as I meet more people it seems that a lot of time is spent hearing about their problems.  Do you find that most people tend to always have some type of issue to discuss?  Or am I attracting a type of person?

I am trying to navigate my own social issues so that's why I'm thinking about this.  I tend to find myself feeling bad for people who have something going on.  Or wondering (and following up) to see how someone is doing with something.  And I don't think anyone is hoping I'm doing okay - know what I mean?  lol I think I feel like I'm making friends where other people might just be looking to add to their collection of people who will listen to their problems or add to their stable of people who will help them. 

kcisthebombdotcom

I think it's 50/50. I think when someone has a lot of drama in their life, in most cases it's self inflicted (with the exception of a person that has a sick child or something).

You may attract people with lots of drama and baggage because you seem like a kind, caring person. Since you don't need a lot of friends, I think that you should keep looking until you find people with a more positive outlook on life so you can form a quality friendship. Everyone vents sometimes and we all have bad things happen, but if all you can discuss is all negative all the time, why surround yourself with people like that?

Happily Overwhelmed

I think this is the reason I'm introverted...

I'm like you...I'm not super social, I've always stuck with the same people. I've never been one to just come out with my problems. I actually think of talking about my problems in real life as a failure. Not neccessarily true, no. But I'm not one to tell just anyone anything.

I agree with the PP that said that it's self inflicted. I think people talk TOO much about their problems. I beleive it brings society as a whole down. Talk to your husband, close friend, family...sure. Join an online support group like thebump...sure. But randomly telling people you do not know or don't know very well your problems...it's asking for attention or trouble.

In past years I've been a hairstylist. I can't tell you if I'm one of those people that people pour their hearts out to, if it's the salon setting, or people talk too much. However on NUMEROUS occassions I've had people in tears in my chair. Boyfriend/girlfriend problems...debt issues....backstabbing friends. I've heard it all. I think people mix "Private" and "Public" too much.  

Dochas

KC_13:

I think it's 50/50. I think when someone has a lot of drama in their life, in most cases it's self inflicted (with the exception of a person that has a sick child or something).

You may attract people with lots of drama and baggage because you seem like a kind, caring person. Since you don't need a lot of friends, I think that you should keep looking until you find people with a more positive outlook on life so you can form a quality friendship. Everyone vents sometimes and we all have bad things happen, but if all you can discuss is all negative all the time, why surround yourself with people like that?

Thank you for this.  I'm not sure if it's me or them sometimes.  People just seem so selfish to me!  And cliquey too.  Many people seem to feel like 'I have things/activities to do so I don't need to include anyone else. But keep inviting me to your stuff'.

How important is it for me to make sure DS has "friends" at this age?  I'm usually fine alone but I don't want my son to end up like me and have a hard time making friends.  Is this something that will just happen when he starts school?  Or do I have to make sure he has some kind of social circle?  We go to the park and take classes - is that enough interaction?  Or is it best for him to be regularly exposed to the same children?

Dochas

CnAmom:

It's funny that you posted this because I broke up with a "friend" yesterday for very similar reasons. I realized that she was selfish and had this ridiculous sense of entitlement....and I found out that for whatever reason she was making up these dramatic stories in a effort to make her life seem so much worse than the worst day I could ever think about having (she lied to me about having a m/c). And then I found out last night that she told me a bold faced lie about something pretty big and I know that I did the right thing. Living here is really making me miss our core group of seemingly sane friends in California.

That is ridiculous!  I ditched a friend years ago because she was lying all the time too.  I don't know what drives people to outright LIE like that.  But last week I went with a Mom friend to an aquarium.  I drove because it was an area she was unfamiliar with.  I didn't care because I would have gone alone anyway.  But I was bringing my lunch because they just serve crap there.  I mentioned that last minute and offered to bring a sandwich for her because if she didn't have anything in the house it was too late to get anything.  But when we ate she hadn't even brought anything for her son!  And then not even an offer for gas/tolls.  And spent most of the day talking about a family issue (I don't know her family).  

Dochas

Happily Overwhelmed - I'm definitely introverted too.  But I don't want to influence my son to be that way so I've been trying again.  But I feel like any time I "try" I just end up feeling, again, like people suck!  Either all they do is talk about their problems.  Or I'm the one inviting people places and then they don't include me in their things.

ps - I've gone to the same hairdresser for like 15 years.  She was furious when I walked in 'showing' because I hadn't told her about my pregnancy right away. LOL So there haven't been too many teary confessions!

Happily Overwhelmed

Dochas:

Happily Overwhelmed - I'm definitely introverted too.  But I don't want to influence my son to be that way so I've been trying again.  But I feel like any time I "try" I just end up feeling, again, like people suck!  Either all they do is talk about their problems.  Or I'm the one inviting people places and then they don't include me in their things.

ps - I've gone to the same hairdresser for like 15 years.  She was furious when I walked in 'showing' because I hadn't told her about my pregnancy right away. LOL So there haven't been too many teary confessions!

I'm with you! I want my son to be a bit more outgoing than I was---just not as "open" with personal matters as the norm is seeming to be. I too am trying harder to be a joiner.

Even simple things though turn me the other way. Like Monday DH and I went to Home Depot plant shopping. Something as simple an unneccessary to living as a flower makes people go nuts. We were pushed out of the way...treated rudely by the salesgirl...then I get back to my truck and find a giant bag of Taco Bell wrappers shoved in my wheel well.

I want my child to be outgoing...but how is that possible when you're trying to keep him away from all the negativity and bad manners out there!?

LOL! When I was in hair school it was drilled into us in our business portion that you as the stylist should never talk about your personal life and try to focus heavily on the client. Afterall, they aren't paying to hear about you and it's supposed to be a "relaxing" time for them to small talk about themselves or read a magazine. I've lived by this and I think I made a decent living doing it this way because it was refreshing to clients. However I have yet to meet another hairstylist that wasn't noisy and had a self inflicted dramatic personal life.

rvandiver0705

I think you have to try to find people who make you laugh, have the sort of fun you like to have, and will be there when you are having a bad day.  If you focus on having fun first, you'll find the support later.

For me, years ago I had to come to terms with the fact that I am the sort of person that has a few friends.  I can't handle large circles of people, because I get too bogged down in negativity.  I don't think that works for everyone, but I would encourage you to really think about how many people you "need" in your life.  As long as you are happy, your son will learn to have healthy relationships with other people, and that is the important thing.

MAprincess

I'd consider myself a very extroverted person.  That said, it doesn't mean I verbally vomit all of my problems on people.  I am nice and outgoing and helpful in grocery parking lots and whatnot;-)  But I know the difference between stories to share and those to keep to myself.  And I don't make up stories.  That is just crazycakes.  I had a friend like that in high school.  It was for attention, I assumed but even if she was caught in a lie she didn't blink an eye and insisted it was true.  It was scary.

I am more open and "complainy" maybe to my close friends who I see at least weekly.  They know more about my issues with family and whatnot.  If you find yourself surrounded by a ton of people with problems, it could be because they are the type who just like to hear themselves talk and they find you to be a good listener (and not one who forces them to listen to you, if they are looking for a one-sided relationship).

Dochas

I feel so much better knowing I'm not alone.  I think I'll stick with an I'll see you when I see you kind of attitude about this, instead of trying to develop something more.  I find I don't mind doing things with just the two of us.  I'll get up and go to the zoo or whatever but most people don't seem to do that at all.  I just want to know that my solitude won't warp my son. LOL

Amberrrr

I won't even talk to some of my family for this reason. People can be so damn self absorbed. All they want to do is talk about the downside of life. I'd love to talk about how great things can be... Not complain about financial issues or stupid crap that doesn't even matter in a week. I don't have friends either and I've learned to love it, because when I used to have friends all they'd do is complain or screw you over somehow. Now I'm isolating out some family members that I just can't stand to socialize with.