frustrated — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

frustrated

2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with a missed m/c.  I wanted a second opinion so I went to a different clinic a week later.  They confirmed the that it was a missed m/c.  It was a really hard day for me.  This is my second m/c in a row with no sucessful pregnancies.  There were so many happy, healthy pregnant women at the clinic and there were pictures of babies everywhere.  I held it together until that night when I completely lost it.  I was crying hysterically and I did not want to get out of the bed.  My husband was worried and called my MOH over to talk to me (she has had 5 children with no complications).  She was telling me that I needed to calm down.  That I should be happy that I can even get pregnant.  She said we can try again and I need to understand that it was not the right time for me to be pregnant.  I know she was trying to help, but it made me feel like she was dismissing my feelings of loss.  That it is not that big of a deal because I can get pregnant again.  I feel like that is the way a lot of people look at it.  That I just need to suck it up and start trying again.  She said that I was being impatient and I can't always have what I want when I want it.  I just feel like you cannot understand the emotions following a mc if you have never been through one.  So, I have been sitting around for the past couple of days trying to dismiss any emotion I feel about the loss because no one around me understands it.   Thanks. Just needed to rant. 

Re: frustrated

  • I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know your friend was trying to help, but her words would have hurt me too. I think that when people say "you can just try again" they want to get to the silver lining without realizing that we're enveloped in our loss right now.

    I'm sad you have to be here, but really glad that you are, since the ladies here understand what you are going through. Whenever I get sad or confused about what happened to me, I log in here and it makes me feel like I'm not alone.

    Sending hugs and love to you!

    Married to the love of my life for 3 years :)
    First pregnancy - blighted ovum, miscarriage at 10 weeks, Apr./May 2012
    Second BFP 9/19/12 - Hoping for our Rainbow Baby! :)

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  • I'm so sorry for your losses :(  No one should have to go through this once, let alone twice.  Please know that you have the support from all the ladies here. 

    I'm also sorry that you're getting such terrible advice.  I'm sure she's just trying to help and doesn't mean to hurt you.  But that doesn't change the fact that she is.  Everyone grieves differently, so please take all the time that you need.  What you are feeling is completely normal so don't feel like you just need to get over it. 

    This board has been a wonderful source of support for me, and I hope you find it comforting too.

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  • LovenizLoveniz
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary
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    First I'm so sorry for your loss. Some people are just idiots, they don't know what to say and just come up with random sayings of encouragement. I understand how you feel and your emotions are absolutely valid.....no one can tell you how to feel or how to grieve. The trugh is we go through a greiving process and everyone grieves on their own terms / pace. I also hated every pregnant women at my miscarriage follow up and actually lost it at the office....not one of my finer moments, but it happens. It is ok to express all your feeling no matter what they may be.

    I also had my unmarried SIL and never been pregnant SIL, telling me how to feel and how good it is to know I can pregnant on the day after my miscarriage. I informed them they hopefully will never know that pain and to just stop talking cause they were making it worse.

    Many thoughts and prayers for you and your DH. This board is full of wonderful supportive ladies.

    TTC #1 Since Oct 2011
    BFP #1 4/29/12 m/c 5/18/12 at 6w2d
    BFP #2 8/28/12 EDD 5/10/13 MC 9/22/12 at 6w4d
    BFP #3 12/31/12 EDD 9/12/13

    Me Dx: DOR   DH: all tests normal
    Our Pretty Little Nest Blog
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's hard when well meaning friends try and help but say the wrong thing.  There are people I want to slap upside the head sometimes.  Give yourself time to feel the loss.  I think one of the best things someone on this board told me was that it is ok to feel sad.   Let yourself feel whatever you need to.  I'll be thinking of you.
    BFP #1 5/13 - chemical 5/19 4 weeks 6 days BFP #2 6/14 EDD - 2/24 Please Stick!!!! BabyFetus Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • People that have never gone through a loss don't know what to say. It's rough that you had to hear those things that you found hurtful. In the end - she was certainly just trying to help.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I've found people on this board to be extremely helpful. We're all in this together unfortunately...

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BFP 1 - March 26, 2012, MMC discovered May 21, 2012
    BFP 2 - October 30, 2012, Rainbow Baby Boy born July 14, 2013
    TTC no sooner than November 2014
  • image taz17apsu:
    2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with a missed m/c.  I wanted a second opinion so I went to a different clinic a week later.  They confirmed the that it was a missed m/c.  It was a really hard day for me.  This is my second m/c in a row with no sucessful pregnancies.  There were so many happy, healthy pregnant women at the clinic and there were pictures of babies everywhere.  I held it together until that night when I completely lost it.  I was crying hysterically and I did not want to get out of the bed.  My husband was worried and called my MOH over to talk to me (she has had 5 children with no complications).  She was telling me that I needed to calm down.  That I should be happy that I can even get pregnant.  She said we can try again and I need to understand that it was not the right time for me to be pregnant.  I know she was trying to help, but it made me feel like she was dismissing my feelings of loss.  That it is not that big of a deal because I can get pregnant again.  I feel like that is the way a lot of people look at it.  That I just need to suck it up and start trying again.  She said that I was being impatient and I can't always have what I want when I want it.  I just feel like you cannot understand the emotions following a mc if you have never been through one.  So, I have been sitting around for the past couple of days trying to dismiss any emotion I feel about the loss because no one around me understands it.   Thanks. Just needed to rant. 

    I hated f/u visits to monitor my betas after my MC because the waiting room was always crammed with happy pg ladies

    This is a platitude that gets thrown around so much and it irks the sh!t out of me.  It does feel like people are dismissing the feelings of loss which is wrong.

    You are absolutely right--someone that has never experienced a loss has NO IDEA the emotions that you go through.  I learned that the hard with with several of my immediate family members.  I know they mean well with the things they say but it comes off as hurtful.

    Everyone on this board has suffered at least one loss so we understand your feelings.  When the people IRL say stupid stuff or don't even know what to say, know that you can always come here and be understood.

    ((hugs))

    TTC #1 since November 2011
    ** BFP #1 - M/C at 6 weeks 4/13/2012 **
    ** BFP #2 - expecting a little leprechaun!! EDD 3/21/13 | HB 7/30/2012 (6w3d) **
    NT Scan 9/4 - looked great! | Grow, baby, grow!!! | A/S 10/29

    ***All AL always welcome***
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