Blended Families

29 weeks pregnant, thinking of separation from father - what next?

I am 29 weeks pregnant and currently living with my FI. Renting from my Mom.

As I've posted about it in the past, we have had issues with his daughter from the beginning. And, I don't know if we can work them out anymore.

What would be the first steps in dealing with my upcoming little one?  

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Re: 29 weeks pregnant, thinking of separation from father - what next?

  • Do you mean legally? Since you are not married there is nothing legally to really do that falls on your shoulders. If you want to come up with a visitation schedule you probably should, however I don't know what guidelines are for newborns. Especially if you are breastfeeding (not sure if you are or not, just stating if you are I think the visits would be short). Technically, the burden is on him to go to court and get legal visitation. As it stands you can either let him see the child at random times or deny him... Idk your story so I don't know how civil you two would be. The safest thing to do is get a court order tha spells out each parents time. The more vague the more issues people tend to have. I would consult w an attorney and maybe do something like 'between the age of 0-6 mo visitation will be x days a week for x hours. Then from 6-12 mo visitation will increase by an hr' or whatever. That was just am example. 
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  • I do plan to breastfeed.

    In my ideal world, he wouldn't have visitation with the LO. His daughter and mother do NOT like me at all and frequently make comments about me. Is there any way to keep, at least, the grandmother away from the baby?

    But, if he did have visitation, I would hope I would be civil. My parents are also divorced and for the most part, were not civil and it sucked. 

     

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  • If you are in fear for the safety of yourself and your unborn child, I would split and leave his name off of the birth certificate. My H was there when I gave birth, and was standing next to me when the nurses asked if I wanted him on the BC. As your LO's birth mother you have the right to leave him off of the BC.

    I breastfeed and my DS is with me 24/7. He is 5 months, and unless you can pump (not all women who breastfeed can pump) it is not realistic that your SO would get time with LO by himself. Plus, you have to be willing and able to pump.

    You can keep your SO's mother away should you have a CO. You would have to prove she isn't fit to be around the child. If she harasses you, document it and file charges... EVERY TIME.

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  • If you have access to any financial records, you might want to photocopy anything from the last few years. When determining his support obligation, you'll want as much of that information as you can get. If you'll be working, talk to lots of daycare providers so that you can get an idea of what you'll be paying so that both of you are prepared for that. 

    If you share any bank accounts, you might want to start separating that out. If you create any new accounts, my advice would be to go to a totally different financial institution. 

    Like Chrissy said, you might want to work up a parenting schedule. You might not want him to see the baby at all, but if he pursues it, he is legally entitled to parenting time. 

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  • Also, if you live together start seperating your stuff.  Just simple little things like if you have abookcase/ CD rack move his to one shelf and yours to another etc.

    See what is his that you might need to purchase.  e.g. AC's or TV's etc.

    Will you be able to continue living inthe same apartment?

    Also will you need financial aid?  Contact a local information centre and see what is available.

    Sorry you are going through this.

     

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  • Start documenting everything re: his mother/daughter, so if you have to you can make a case later to keep them separated from your child.

    Start separating your stuff, bank accounts, etc...

    Start getting reccommendations for attorneys and looking into how much a retainer fee will be and start saving up.  Do the same with mediators if you think that would be a better route to take.

    Most of all, stay above reproach.  Don't sink to his mother's level, don't bash his daughter.  Don't yell, scream, and threaten.  Just approach this as doing everything you can to cover your bases while you make up your mind what to do.

    And I agree with PPs.  Don't put his name on the birth cert, don't give the baby his name.  At the very least that will delay him pursuing visitation should he decide to do so.  It will buy you time. 

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