need advice re: lunch tomorrow with a PG client

BzeetyD

I'm dreading lunch tomorrow.

My co-worker (T, a guy) and I are going to another company for a BBQ lunch. The woman who invited us is due in the next few weeks, so she is VERY PG right now.

The last time we were on a job with her, she was also quite PG and that is ALL she and T talked about the whole frickin time. I'm talking hours. We were at a shoot, so luckily I was able to get up and be "busy" elsewhere. T has twin girls who are 5 and is done having kids.

She wanted to have us over to her workplace for lunch before she has this baby. That's the last thing I want to do.

It just makes me feel ill inside to have to spend time with her right now. I am a terrible faker and I literally get tongue tied around people who talk about babies constantly. I am unable to participate and it just pokes my loss/IF struggle pain button so hard. It makes me angry that I have to go and do this.

Not going is not an option, but what can I do to help myself in this situation?

T, and no one from my work, knows about our losses or IF struggles. I am not willing to disclose this secret either.

DoublePortion

((hugs)) That really sucks! I'm not sure what you can do. It's not like you can change the topic every 5 minutes without them catching on that somethings up. It's occasions like that that make me wish I had a Xanax supply on hand. Is there someone else you know at the company that you can spend time networking with so you won't have to spend the whole time with Fertile Myrtle? Sorry I'm not much help!

winofairy

I wish I had great words of wisdom, experience and advice for you but unfortunately I don't. However, I will keep you in my T&P's tomorrow and pray that you will stay strong and do awesome in such a difficult environment/situation! 

I wish you lots of luck and am sending you HUGE (((HUGS)))

 

Enndea

If it were me I would probably say something like "hey guys--all this kid talk is great and all, but seeing as I am not a parent, can we talk about.....(insert topic here)."  It's not divulging anything other than my boredom.    Or maybe even just jump in and steer the topic in another direction.  Like, if they talk about their kid in...oh, piano lessons or something just grab that topic, steer it to something else, and then sort of (un)apologetically say "just trying to get in on the conversation a bit."  I think people have a tendency not to realize when they are doing this, and honestly, it bugged me BEFORE I knew IF was an issue for me.  I mean--we're supposed to be hanging out as a group--so lets get beyond topics than only a few can discuss.

If you get really mad just bring up politics or religion.  

 

Hope it goes okay! 

joules12

No advice, as I'd be pretty terrible in that situation and have no words of wisdom to pass along.  But, wanted to lend you some support -- sending you lots of strength and support, and FX that the lunch passes very quickly!  (((hugs)))

kaf7

Enndea:

If it were me I would probably say something like "hey guys--all this kid talk is great and all, but seeing as I am not a parent, can we talk about.....(insert topic here)."  It's not divulging anything other than my boredom.    Or maybe even just jump in and steer the topic in another direction.  Like, if they talk about their kid in...oh, piano lessons or something just grab that topic, steer it to something else, and then sort of (un)apologetically say "just trying to get in on the conversation a bit."  I think people have a tendency not to realize when they are doing this, and honestly, it bugged me BEFORE I knew IF was an issue for me.  I mean--we're supposed to be hanging out as a group--so lets get beyond topics than only a few can discuss.

If you get really mad just bring up politics or religion.  

 

Hope it goes okay! 

I like these suggestions BzeetyD! It redirects conversation in a way that isn't too subtle that they'd miss the point. It also doesn't reveal anything.

Otherwise, you may have to grin and bear it, know that it's making you a stronger person, and then book yourself something fabulous for yourself after (a massage, a good book, a long walk, rental time with a vintage scooter...whatever!).

Good luck!

fabulouspinkmady

Enndea:

If it were me I would probably say something like "hey guys--all this kid talk is great and all, but seeing as I am not a parent, can we talk about.....(insert topic here)."  It's not divulging anything other than my boredom.    Or maybe even just jump in and steer the topic in another direction.  Like, if they talk about their kid in...oh, piano lessons or something just grab that topic, steer it to something else, and then sort of (un)apologetically say "just trying to get in on the conversation a bit."  I think people have a tendency not to realize when they are doing this, and honestly, it bugged me BEFORE I knew IF was an issue for me.  I mean--we're supposed to be hanging out as a group--so lets get beyond topics than only a few can discuss.

This is a great suggestion! I would just try to change the subject as much as possible, maybe she will get the hint that just because she is PG that the whole world does not revolve around her pregnancy.

Or maybe she will go into labor tomorrow (if she's ready, you said she was very PG) and you won't have to deal with her That's what I kept hoping for when I had a PG co-worker, she finally just went on maternity leave and I was thrilled!

peanut126

Hmm talk about politics or religion instead! j/k! I think Enndea hit it right on the head, otherwise fake it til you make it.

pbj1975

I don't have any advice, but I was in a similar situation. I went away this past weekend with some friends...2 of the couples had babies. One was a 4 month old, the other had just turned a year. I was pretty miserable the whole time. All I could focus on was the baby stuff everywhere...the food, the bottles, the toys, the clothes, the cooing, the crying. I was so depressed and I barely could enjoy myself. Good luck with the lunch...at least it's only a few hours (if that helps?!!??).

ChrisH22

Enndea:

If it were me I would probably say something like "hey guys--all this kid talk is great and all, but seeing as I am not a parent, can we talk about.....(insert topic here)."  It's not divulging anything other than my boredom.    Or maybe even just jump in and steer the topic in another direction.  Like, if they talk about their kid in...oh, piano lessons or something just grab that topic, steer it to something else, and then sort of (un)apologetically say "just trying to get in on the conversation a bit."  I think people have a tendency not to realize when they are doing this, and honestly, it bugged me BEFORE I knew IF was an issue for me.  I mean--we're supposed to be hanging out as a group--so lets get beyond topics than only a few can discuss.

If you get really mad just bring up politics or religion.  

 

Hope it goes okay! 

 That's great advice.  I'm going to have to use it too!!  Aside from the struggle of infertility, I don't have any kids, so those conversations leave me total left out.  This is a ha ha ha, funny, way to say something pretty directly. 

Whales124

I'm sorry you have to deal with this tomorrow.  I like the advice of trying to steer the topic elsewhere - hopefully that will buy you some time.  If nothing else I would just keep eating so you didn't have to talk - of course this will lead to your clothes not fitting like mine!