Pregnant after 35

Not sure what to say....

So we go to DH's friends house last night. She is 37 with a 2 year old.  DH told them I was pg before we got there and they guys hung out in the garage working on his truck where I stayed inside with her and the kids.  At several points she said "are you sure you want to do this, having kids after 35 really sucks the life out of you".  Each time I told her I was positive and it was just really disheartening how she kept saying it.  She also point out that the age gap with my kids might be an issue for my girls (they are soon to be 13 & 9).  I felt like I had to defend myself all day and our decision to have a child.  UGH.  Didn't help that my morning sickness and nausea was at an all time high yesterday...ugh.  Sorry just had to vent.
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Re: Not sure what to say....

  • Ugh. Ppl have no filter. There's nothing you can say, really. Every woman, pregnancy, and child are different. I can tell you my pregnancy has really wiped me out. 34/35 is NOT 18/19. But, I also know only part of it is my age. It's been a hard pregnancy. As far as being a parent again, maturity wise, I'm so much better prepared. 
  • Holy crap!  If you are going o say something like that, you say it before someone becomes pregnant - not WHEN they are pregnant!   Either share in the joy or keep your pie hole shut!  I'm so sorry you were subjected to that. :-(
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  • MelleTXMelleTX member

    Oh my goodness. What a crappy thing to say to you. How are you supposed to respond?

    "oh gee, you know, we really changed our minds thanks to you, I think I will go get an abortion on Monday." ??? 

    Single Mother by Choice. Life didn't work out the way I planned so I did it on my own. IUI #s 1-3, unmedicated = BFN, IUI #s 4-6, 50mg Clomid, Ovidrel = BFN IVF #1: 23R, 20M, 17F. 5 day transfer 2 blasts. 2 Snowbabies BFP 6dp5dt, Beta #1 7dp5dt = 58, Beta #2 9dp5dt = 114, Beta #3 10dp5dt = 187 1st Ultrasound = 5/3, not much to see yet. 2nd Ultrasound = 5/17, TWINS!!! Hospital Bed Rest at 32 weeks due to pre-ecclampsia and severe edema. Audrey Grace, 5lbs9oz, & Lydia Louise, 6lbs, born via emergency c-section on 12/6/12 at 36w1d My IVF Journey
  • Wow - she really needs a filter for her mouth!

    I had my daughter when I was 37 and I wasn't bothered at all by the pregnancy, I felt great the entire time.  My husband and I haven't felt worn out at all in raising her these past two years, we think she helps to keep us busy and moving.

    Now this pregnancy has worn me out but it had been a hard one with some concerns and worries - it really is true that no pregnancy is the same!

    I think you will be just fine, don't listen to idiots like her.  She had no business talking to you like that.

     

     

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  • steverstever member
    imageMelleTX:

    Oh my goodness. What a crappy thing to say to you. How are you supposed to respond?

    "oh gee, you know, we really changed our minds thanks to you, I think I will go get an abortion on Monday." ??? 

    Totally. People are dumb.
  • imageMelleTX:

    Oh my goodness. What a crappy thing to say to you. How are you supposed to respond?

    "oh gee, you know, we really changed our minds thanks to you, I think I will go get an abortion on Monday." ??? 

    This. Say it once and laugh it off ... but mention it several times? I have no idea what people are thinking sometimes.

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  • I guess I would have put it back on her since clearly she feels the life was sucked out of her.  I'm sorry you had to defend your choices, especially to someone who seems to have made the same choice.

    I probably would have given great consideration to throwing up right on her.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

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  • She was probably just projecting some of her current parenting woes on you.  Some people are just more glass-half-empty types and I think if it ever comes up again, I'd just respond with a laugh and a joke about, "Ugg, the terrible twos must bet getting to you for you to ask me a couple times if I'm ready for this again?"
    Two boys already - ages 5 and 3...

    ...baby #3 is here...

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  • Oh for Pete sake. It's true that some people just have no filter! Although at 39 I do feel that pregnancy is harder on me than it would have been 15 years ago, this is also the first time in my life that I feel ready! I have a brother 12 years older and we get along great. Everyone's experience is different. Agree with PP that she was probably projecting her current parenting challenges onto you!
    Married August 14, 2011 Gave birth to our beautiful baby girl on September 17, 2012
  • Some people are just idots. After the first comment I would have said to her what I said to my brother "Not all kids are created equal." Ggrr!
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  • imageMelleTX:

    Oh my goodness. What a crappy thing to say to you. How are you supposed to respond?

    "oh gee, you know, we really changed our minds thanks to you, I think I will go get an abortion on Monday." ??? 

    Seriously!  This is what I was gonna say....make sure you hop right on out there and get that taken care of asap Indifferent

    BFP #1 5/10/06 ...m/mc @11.5w 6/29/06 D&C 6/30/06
    BFP #2 10/29/08 ...stillborn via c/s @41w 7/20/09
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    BFP #3 1/20/10 My angel's little sister Grace Madison was born September 8th 2010 @37w. We're so blessed! Thank you angel for getting her here safely.
    BFP #4 12/30/11. Jackson Christopher 8/22/2012 via repeat c/s @ 37w 3d
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  • My sisters are 13 & 10 years older than me, and I was included in most everything they did!  They made me a uniform for our gradeschool cheerleading team when I was 3, they took me everywhere they went. Good things about it-  I knew I wanted to go to college when I was in kindergarten (thanks to my sister being a freshman that year).   I had strong female role models my entire life.  I am super close with their kids-  I've been an aunt since I was 11 & my oldest niece is more like a little sister.   Bad things- I always wished I was old enough to go out with them (and my brothers and the majority of my cousins that are all around the same age as my siblings).  I'm sometimes treated as the "baby" still since I'm always going to be their little sister even though I'm definitely an adult! 

    Don't worry-  maybe her kid was having an especially bad day/week.

    TTC since Feb 2012. Me: 39, DH: 37
    BFP #1 5/27/12- m/c 7/9/12 @ 10w2d (cytotec induced @11w).
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    BFP #2 11/18/12  EDD 7/27/13
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