Baby Shower Host - Help Please! — The Bump
Baby Showers

Baby Shower Host - Help Please!

A friend of mine is having a baby in a couple of months. She's going to be a single mom and someone else was originally hosting the shower.  However, there was an argument, so I offered to host the shower. 

Now, I've never planned a baby shower before and I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew.  I'm starting to wonder why her first host bailed on her and I'm thinking that this shower is going to cost me way more than I expected.

Her invitee list is more than 70 people.  That alone freaked me out, as I always thought showers were for intimate settings of people.  These are just people she "associates" with so right there, with her expensive invites she has chosen and the postage - we're talking over $100.  

Next up food: she is wanting a fully catered event.  Every shower I've attended was very simple food, maybe a veggie & fruit tray, a hearty dip and an appetizer - stuff you can make at home.  However, this is not the case.

Now she's telling me she wants this elaborate candy buffet as well.  I checked into that, and I was given an estimate of $100 minimum.  I was also told this is more of a wedding thing and is used for favors for the guests.  She already bought different favors.  

My question is - how do I handle this and tell her that I want to help host, but this is way beyond my budget for what she is asking?  She's a great person and will give everyone the shirt off of her back, but I feel like I'm really going to end up spending over $500 for this!  Help please! :)

Re: Baby Shower Host - Help Please!

  • FemShepFemShep member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Photogenic

    Sheesh.  No wonder the first host bailed.

    I'd tell her that you have a specific budget, and as much as you'd love to give her the shower of her dreams, it's not possible.  You can add that if she won't be happy with a smaller shower, your feelings won't be hurt if she would rather you not host one.  Then tell her the number of people you're able to host and ask her for a guest list of that size.  Ask for her input on dates, and then if/when she gives you any other demands, reiterate that your budget doesn't make that an option. You don't need to ask her opinion on anything else, doing so is entirely up to you.

    You're not under any obligation to spend more than you want to, and shame on the MTB for acting like such a spoiled brat. 

  • mlangsmlangs member
    Third Anniversary Photogenic

    To me it sounds as if she has already planned her own shower and just wants someone else to foot the bill.

    I would state what you are willing to spend and if she won't bend on what she must have (including the expensive invitations, food, ect) then say you hate to have to back out but you just can't afford all that.

    Seriously she needs to understand that she cares more about this than the 70 people she is inviting. 

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  • As the host YOU call the shots, not the mtb. Just tell her that you would love t host her shower but you have a budget of "x" amount and you have to stay within it. This is a gift to her, I hope she realizes that : /

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  • image FemShep:

    Sheesh.  No wonder the first host bailed.

    I'd tell her that you have a specific budget, and as much as you'd love to give her the shower of her dreams, it's not possible.  You can add that if she won't be happy with a smaller shower, your feelings won't be hurt if she would rather you not host one.  Then tell her the number of people you're able to host and ask her for a guest list of that size.  Ask for her input on dates, and then if/when she gives you any other demands, reiterate that your budget doesn't make that an option. You don't need to ask her opinion on anything else, doing so is entirely up to you.

    You're not under any obligation to spend more than you want to, and shame on the MTB for acting like such a spoiled brat. 

    This.

    As the host, you have the final say. Since she's not footing the bill, she doesn't get to invite every person she's ever met. Instead, you tell her a number of people you're able to accommodate and she can adjust her guest list, accordingly. The same goes with all of the other demands she's making.

    She clearly fails to realize that a shower is a gift and she should be thankful you're even putting forth the effort to throw one for her. Again, if it's not up to her standards, she can decline the party at anytime. At least you'd be off the hook.  


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  • That is why the first host bailed out...I can't say I blame her.

    First of all, you need to sit down and tell you that you offered to host this for her out of the kindness of your heart. As the host you are the one that plans the event, NOT her....and let her know its your way or you can't do it....UNLESS she wants to fit the bill for all this that she wants....

    GL

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  • You should tell her what you had in mind for the event-you are the host, not her! Tell her you can't afford to throw a fully catered shower with 70 people. It's crazy that she even has invites picked out-but you have to pay for them! You can politely explain that you really would like to host this shower for her but you need to do the planning according to your budget. If she's not okay with that, she needs to find somebody else or do it herself. 
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  • image jfresh:
    I would tell her that you are happy to devote time, energy, and a budget of $x to her shower, but can not take on a shower of the scale she is asking for financially.

    I agree with this.  Does she plan to pay for the shower herself since she is making all of the decisions? Might want to ask her.

  • eav2ceav2c member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers Photogenic
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  • eav2ceav2c member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers Photogenic
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    Dx w/Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy @ 33w. Induction turned c-section @ 37w. Colin Alexander - Born 3/29/12 @ 3:50pm - 5lbs 8oz 18.5"


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  • eav2ceav2c member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers Photogenic

    Just a friendly heads up that your siggy violates the user ToS -- I've heard they will ban accounts for posting links to your own business, etc.

    Anyways, this woman sounds nuts and I would kindly let her know you simply cannot afford everything she wants but plan on providing yummy appetizer foods and other things. Provide what you can afford and feel comfortable with -- no more. If she throws a fit then I'd probably back out, too.

    Dx w/Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy @ 33w. Induction turned c-section @ 37w. Colin Alexander - Born 3/29/12 @ 3:50pm - 5lbs 8oz 18.5"


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  • image mlangs:

    To me it sounds as if she has already planned her own shower and just wants someone else to foot the bill.

    I would state what you are willing to spend and if she won't bend on what she must have (including the expensive invitations, food, ect) then say you hate to have to back out but you just can't afford all that.

    Seriously she needs to understand that she cares more about this than the 70 people she is inviting. 

    ^EXACTLY!!

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  • last I heard the host plans the shower- which means picking out invitations, venue, food, etc, and asks the MTB for a list of x number of people that she would like invited.

    I think it's a little, ok, a LOT ridiculous that she's dictating pretty much everything for her shower. Sorry but that's a big no-no. I kind of like the fact that I'm not involved in my shower planning- I have enough to do without picking out invites and venues- lol.  

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  • The MTB shouldn't even have a say as to what happens at the shower except for the date!

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