Post-deployment re-adjustment question — The Bump
Military Families

Post-deployment re-adjustment question

We just finished our first deployment and DH has been home for about 3 weeks.  I'm definitely thrilled to have him home, but it's still difficult a lot of times when I'm used to doing something by myself or being by myself and he's there.  When he was away, I came and went as I pleased (or as much as LO's schedule allowed), took care of all of the errands myself, took care of the house, and took care of LO.  Everything continued very smoothly while he was gone.  Now that he's home, I'm still running the errands, taking care of the house, and taking care of LO, but now I no longer get to watch what I want on TV (he wants to play video games a majority of the time), I don't get to cook what I want (he doesn't like a lot of the foods I do), and I have to work him into my schedule.  I know I probably sound horrible saying this, but there's a part of me that misses the freedom and independence I had during the deployment.  Is it normal to feel like this?  The only other experience similar to deployment that we've had was when he was away for 5 months at BOLC. 

 So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"

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Re: Post-deployment re-adjustment question

  • I think it is normal. I found it hard when he came back because I had such a routine in my day to day things that didn't involve him anymore and it was hard to reinvolve him without feeling like I was giving up my life I had worked so hard to build while he was gone to keep me from going crazy.

    As far as your specific issues, I would probably try to meal plan ahead of time and propose of 7 nights of dinners you pick 3 I pick 3 and we will take a night off and eat out so you can compromise a little. As far as the TV I would maybe try to keep it limited for both of you. I think it is really easy to get back home and not really connect. It is easy to get sucked into video games, tv, etc when you need to talk and get to know each other again. Not saying no tv ever but maybe just try to talk about some limits so you have time for other stuff. :)

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  • First of all,it is 100% normal. Second, learn to compromise. You don't have to bend to his every will. Eat what you want a couple nights a week, and take the remote back some of those days.
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