Out Of Town Invite Etiquette — The Bump
Baby Showers

Out Of Town Invite Etiquette

Are you supposed to send invitations to out-of-town friends and family who you know cannot make it to the shower so that they feel included? Or do you just send them a birth announcement later?

Re: Out Of Town Invite Etiquette

  • clineakclineak
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
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    I sent invitations to family who live in-state (although several hours away) on the off chance that they might wish to come make a weekend out of it. For those out-of-state, I just sent a birth announcement.
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  • I think it just depends on your family. 

    Personally, I wouldn't send the OOT family and friends an invite, but just the announcement. My cousin felt like you do, but didn't send one to my mom, but then felt bad about it. She told her mom about how she felt and my aunt told my mom why she didn't get one, and my mom wasn't offended, but I think if my mom had gotten one, she would have been.

    I would ask your mom to contact some OOT family and kind of get a feel from them. 

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  • My mom invited DH's grandmother and aunts to our shower 1.5 hours from where they live. I assumed they wouldn't make it because they don't travel OOT much. I was tickled when the RSVPed yes! My mom sent invites to OOT people who DH and I would love to celebrate with. More OOT guests RSVPed yes than in-town :)
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  • I sent my OOT guests I knew couldn't make it because I knew they would be upset! It was worth not having people complain at me!

     

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  • I agree that it depends on the family.  My family ALL live 1 1/2 - 5 hours away.  I invited all my close family (obviously not my cousin who lives on the other side of the country) and they all came except a couple who were ill.  Many drove together, a few stayed at my home, a few got hotel rooms and a few drove back home (those that lived closest).  I sent birth announcements to those that lived a longer distance.
  • I only invited 3 out of state/country guests I knew couldn't make it.  I gave my Host a note to include in the invite expressing how I knew they couldn't come but how I wanted them to feel included.  I only sent these invites to my MIL, a very close cousin and a bff.  Otherwise the furthest people I Invited lived 2 hours away and they came to the shower Stick out tongue
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  • jfgreerjfgreer member
    image lovebug33:

    I sent my OOT guests I knew couldn't make it because I knew they would be upset! It was worth not having people complain at me!

     

    Same here 

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  • eav2ceav2c
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers Photogenic
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    I send them to very close out of towners (I.e: SIL, aunts) but not people who I'm not really close to. I send them, even though I know they can't come, because I want them to know I am thinking of them but I don't think it's necessary to send to everyone.
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  • I agree- "it depends".  By and large, CLOSE family, like sisters or grandmothers, I would expect they truly would want to come.  Or really good friends.

    But family who you see once in a blue moon at other family events and don't talk to at all in between?  No, I wouldn't invite them.

    You have to remember - it's a shower, not a wedding. It is NOT an "invite everyone I know" thing.  MOST mature, rational women aren't going to expect to be invited, nor will they be upset if they aren't.  Being invited to a wedding or a baptism is "including" people in an important life event.  "including" them in a shower isn't the same thing- not even close.  It's a gift giving event and it's not a "life event".

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  • My out of towners are the great grandparents to be so I definately sent an invite.  My one grandmother called and said shes going to come in October instead since LO will be here, which is more important to me than the shower.  My DH's grandmother is planing a road trip up since everyone will be done with college and she can see all her grandkids.  It just worked out this way... it never hurts to send an invite.
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  • Like many of the PP said it really depends on who it is that you are thinking of inviting and the dynamic that you have. 

    A little bit of personal experience...my husband's cousin is somebody that we hardly ever speak to recently had a baby. keep in mind when I say hardly ever speak to I really mean more like never. Well she decided she was going to have a baby shower and contacted me, via facebook message btw, for our address and said she wanted to invite us (we would have been fine not being invited and not hurt at all). I told her not to bother wasting the invitation and postage etc because we wouldn't be able to make it anyways. Well I got a response hinting that she wanted us to send her a gift anyways.

    So although you may not be saying "hey i'm inviting you because I want you to send me something" certain people might take it that way especially if its not someone you speak too regularly or even occasionally.  

  • image lmossali:

    So although you may not be saying "hey i'm inviting you because I want you to send me something" certain people might take it that way especially if its not someone you speak too regularly or even occasionally.  

    This is exactly why caution needs to be used w/ this.  And why I say it's not an "invite everyone I know" event.  People who are close to you and you have some degree of regular contact - they wil lof course want to be involved.

    But when you start getting to people that just aren't a regular part of your life... be cautious.  Being invited may absolutely make them feel like they are being invited "for the gift". 

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  • The only out of state people I sent local shower invites to that I knew couldn't come were MIL and SIL.
  • As a whole we have become so suspicious, bitter and just judgmental that we assume every invite is just a gift grab (as if there is something wrong with that - we all get them and love it). 

     

    It doesn't dawn on people any more that an invite is just a way to let someone know that they want to include you, want to brag about their moment (baby/wedding) ... while they do provide info (necessary info if you want to get them a gift that they need) you ARE NEVER UNDER OBLIGATION. Buy or don't buy. Send a card or don't.

    Dont over analyze others motives.

     

    If you want to brag and share your shower invite then do so. If they get annoyed over an invite that is their issue.  

  • My sister had 3 separate wedding showers thrown for her... none of which were even CLOSE to where I live.  Even though she's my sister, I couldn't attend any of them.  I kind of resented it (other than the invite from my aunt).  It was like I was expected to purchase THREE shower gifts.  So to me, inviting people you KNOW can't come sort of smacks as begging for gifts.  It seems greedy.  
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  • It is sometimes difficult to figure out what the "right" thing is to do. I contacted a close friend of my DH and me to ask for guidance on how to handle an invite to his wife. I told him that I didn't want her to feel obligated to come (or have to send a gift) since we aren't at all close, but I am close with him (and his mom, who is being invited), so I didn't want her to feel left out. He responded saying to send the invitation, as, at the very least, they would want to send a gift. 
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