Update: DH found his birth mother (pg loss mentioned) — The Bump
Adoption

Update: DH found his birth mother (pg loss mentioned)

For those of you who remember, DH and I have posted on this board for advice in finding his birth mother.  We went through several different processes, but he finally ended up finding her on his own. Sunday morning was the first time he actually got to speak to her (on the phone). He found out where she was from, that he has a half sister, and got to find out the details of why she gave him up. We were relieved to find out that his birth mother was still alive and that she actually was glad that he found her.

I started miscarrying Sunday afternoon. I realize that there's absolutely no connection between the two events except that they happened on the same day. Both his birth mother and half sister have messaged me on FB and added me as a friend. I don't know how to respond to them at this point. They both seem like such nice people and they are praying for us during this difficult time. But I don't know how that makes me feel. I don't know them. They don't know me. I want to be supportive if DH wants a relationship with them, but I'm always going to associate finding them with my m/c. How can I get over this? I haven't accepted either friend request and only replied to their messages to thank them for their prayers.

I have also posted this on the loss board, but I think it's prudent to ask for advice here too.  I'm so happy he found her, but I don't know that I can ever separate the two events. 

Re: Update: DH found his birth mother (pg loss mentioned)

  • You will. It will take time but eventually you emotionally heal. I started miscarrying on Valentine's day, but even worse my due date for that pregnancy was my husband's birthday. Honestly that entire year sucked. However by the following year while I certainly thought about it, it didn't consume me. Eventually, especially if you spend time with them on a regular basis you'll have other associations with them. I'm so sorry for your loss, and good luck in the future.

    Mommy to DS#1 7/1/04 and DS#2 6/15/07
    M/C 2/16/10 at 9wks 5 days~ D&C 2/18/10
    BFP#4 5/17/11 C/P.    
    BFP#5 11/30/12 Surprise! DS#3 born 7/29/13

  • It will take time, but you will.

    Would you consider counseling? This is a lot of stuff to process, and it may help to talk about all of this with a neutral 3rd party.

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  • image Dr.Loretta:

    It will take time, but you will.

    Would you consider counseling? This is a lot of stuff to process, and it may help to talk about all of this with a neutral 3rd party.

    I'm thinking about it.  I was in counseling before for anixety and it really helped.  I think it would be helpful if DH and I would go together.

  • image KikiCohen:
    image Dr.Loretta:

    It will take time, but you will.

    Would you consider counseling? This is a lot of stuff to process, and it may help to talk about all of this with a neutral 3rd party.

    I'm thinking about it.  I was in counseling before for anixety and it really helped.  I think it would be helpful if DH and I would go together.

    I agree. These are all big things to deal with, esp all at once.

    And I can relate somewhat. The day my ectopic pg was diagnosed, my MIL called to tell me she'd seen her psychic. And that he said I'd have a good year. I had 2 more m/c's over the next year. Now every time MIL talks about her psychic and how wonderful he is, I want to tell him to F himself. Not quite the same, but whenever I think about my losses I always think about that phone conversation.

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