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Work dinner with alcohol

I need advice. I have a meeting for work in Chicago early next month that I must attend. The one night my team (10 people) will be going to a restaurant for dinner.  This is a normal occurance for us and I ALWAYS have wine. If I say I'm on mess or have a headache I feel like everyone will know, so since I will be just about 10 weeks I'm wondering if I should just disclose my secret then. 

We are taking cabs so can't use the designated driver excuse either. I've thought about bailing last minute on the dinner but I'll need to eat! So any creative ideas out there? Or should I tell the team and ask them to respect my privacy and not share with other co-workers until a couple more weeks. I realize that may not happen anyway.

This situation is unnecessarily stressing me out! 

Re: Work dinner with alcohol

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    I'm on MEDS not mess haha
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    fishy24fishy24 member

    You're allowed to have a headache, aren't you?? I had a work dinner the night ingot my BFP.  Tons of drinking but they bought my excuse. 

     

    Only tell if you feel comfortable.   

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    I would tell if I were comfortable and DH was ok with it.
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    Just tell them none of the wines sound good that night

     

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    Just don't make a big deal about it.  You could even let them pour you a glass and have it in front of you and just take a few tiny sips and say "it's just not going down very well" or "I'm taking these antibiotics for my _______ right now and I probably shouldn't mix with wine."  The bigger deal you make out of it, the more people will suspect.  If they do, you only have a couple more weeks until you announce, right?  Usually if people suspect they respect your decision to wait until you are comfortable sharing that info anyway.

     

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    There's no need for you to make an excuse unless someone makes a comment, in which case "I don't feel like drinking" or "I have a headache" will be sufficient.
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    I was in the same situation a couple of weeks ago. I was about 7 weeks pregnant at the time and traveling for work which meant I would be attending several team dinners. I spent a lot of time beforehand stressing about excuses and what I would order (should i get a moc-tail to fool them or straight up just get water) and turns out it was totally unnecessary. Not one person asked me why I wasn't drinking. Whether they just assumed that I was pregnant and knew better than to ask or if they just didn't "care" enough to even notice I have no idea but either way I was relieved that I didn't have to use any of my excuses that I had spent hours thinking up!  

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    I had the same situation at 5 weeks. I got there a little early and asked the bar tender to make me something that looked alcoholic, but that wasn't. Without batting an eye he smiled and made me something with orange juice, cranberry juice, and a lime wedge... but a sprite with cranberry or even a plain old coke could look right. I think they must get this more often than you'd think for various reasons :)
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    Right before I was pg it was Lent and I gave up alcohol (if I had known I would soon have to give it up for a loooong time I might have rethought...).  Anyway, I went to dinner with coworkers and they ordered wine and I passed without telling them why because I didn't feel like going into the whole Lent thing.  I wasn't ttc and didn't even think about anyone thinking that, and they didn't.  I just said I wasn't in the mood to drink and no one thought a thing.  And they definitely didn't think I was pregnant.  I think when you are pg and don't want everyone to know you think that, but really most people don't even care or really make a note of your non drinking state.  Of course, I am not newly married with no kids--if I was people might have jumped to that conclusion, but when I was newly married with no kids everyone jumped to that conclusion all the time anyway.  

    So bottom line, I don't think anyone will really notice or care and I doubt they will jump to conclusions, especially with 10 people.  10 weeks is pretty far along so if you want to share it might be a good time, but if you want to hold off just hold off. 

    ectopic: 3/1998 mc: 4/2001 ds1 born: 6/7/2002 ds2 born: 10/4/2004 mc: 5/2010  mmc: 5/24/12
    bfp: 1/4/2016  duedate: 9/12/2016


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    Fake cocktail, as PP suggested. Sprite w/ a lime (but tell them to put it in a cocktail glass!!)=vodka tonic. OR, just ORDER THE WINE!!! You won't believe how many people won't notice if you aren't actually drinking it. This admittedly works much better when you are standing and mingling at a party, but it will also work at a dinner. People just don't notice if you're not drinking it, but they WILL notice if you don't order it. If anyone does say anything, it probably won't be until late in the meal and you could then just say, "oh, it ended up not being my favorite" Or something. Don't say antibiotics--dumbest excuse ever. Don't say you're not drinking or don't feel like it--open invitation to critique and try to convince you to drink. Just order.

     Or, order beer in a dark bottle. Harder to see if you are drinking it.

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    I was just in this situation tonight, and I'm SO not ready to tell work! It was uncomfortable at first and I came up with excuses I could use in my head. On the menu though I saw that they had a non-alcoholic beer, so when everyone left the bar and went to the table I wandered over to the bartender and asked if it looked "real" for someone who did not want to appear like they weren't drinking alcohol and he said definitely, so I was able to have a fake beer. If that wasn't an option, then I would have said that I was fighting ff a bad headache and needed to avoid alcohol.
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    You know you normally have wine but does everyone else keep track?  Just don't order any alcohol, say you've had a headache all day and don't feel like drinking.
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    Kie310Kie310 member
    I just had a dinner work event last week. I always drink too. I didn't. And I just decided that if anyone called me out I would tell them. No one called me out even though I'm normally the first one tipsy. Everyone else was drinking and having a good time so really, what I was doing (or not doing) really wasn't that important.
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    +Jasha++Jasha+ member
    Honestly I always wonder when someone posts this question - what are the people whom you are trying to fool going to think once they find out you are indeed pregnant and believed that you were drinking while pregnant.  I've not been in this situation but I would simply say I'm taking meds that don't mix with alcohol.  And leave it at that.  If they push harder (and I doubt they would) simply tell them "I'm sorry but I'm really not comfortable talking about my medical situation.  This is a business function and not about me."  And then steer the conversation back to business.
    Good Luck!!  I'm sure it will be fine and you will wonder why you even stressed about it in the first place!
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    KiraH28KiraH28 member
    imageDawnJM25:

    Just don't make a big deal about it.  You could even let them pour you a glass and have it in front of you and just take a few tiny sips and say "it's just not going down very well" or "I'm taking these antibiotics for my _______ right now and I probably shouldn't mix with wine."  The bigger deal you make out of it, the more people will suspect.  If they do, you only have a couple more weeks until you announce, right?  Usually if people suspect they respect your decision to wait until you are comfortable sharing that info anyway.

     

    I agree with this.

    Married 1/28/11 
    DD #1 born 11/28/12
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    Lots of good points above.  Its very likely you're way more focused on it than your collegues will be.  One trick I used at a family function recently was to take small sips of very watered down white wine.  It may require more work than its worth to engineer in a restaurant situation, though so I'd stick with a very basic excuse only if inquired.
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    imageJuliaLovesCarson:
    I had the same situation at 5 weeks. I got there a little early and asked the bar tender to make me something that looked alcoholic, but that wasn't. Without batting an eye he smiled and made me something with orange juice, cranberry juice, and a lime wedge... but a sprite with cranberry or even a plain old coke could look right. I think they must get this more often than you'd think for various reasons :)

     I was about to say something similar....you could ask the bartender to give you cranberry juice in a wine glass..lol. I am sure they have heard stranger things.

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