Sometimes I wish that I could experience... — The Bump
Special Needs

Sometimes I wish that I could experience...

...what it'd be like to have a typical child for a day. DS has been very challenging with me lately and sometimes I feel like my patience is wearing thin. It's almost like I'm envious of parents with typical kids sometimes because the simplest tasks can end up being so difficult for us with DS (who has autism).

Anyone else ever wonder what it'd be like to have a typical child for a day?

Re: Sometimes I wish that I could experience...

  • I'm not sure that there is a typical child anymore, but I understand. 
    [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/255tjpx.jpg[/IMG]
  • Every once in awhile.. this summer in particular we're starting to notice how limited DS' interests are (right now it's water- sprinklers, gutters, rain, and he's starting to hone in on the evening weather forecast..ugh). We built him an elaborate wooden playset with all the bells and whistles- his favorite thing to do is spray it with the hose. I wish I could see the delight in his eyes when he sees his super cool swing set- it's like he looks right through it trying to find a hose or a sprinkler. We went to a neighborhood festival with friends this weekend and they were amazed at how difficult DS was.. he gets overstimulated and can hardly walk straight. It took all 5 adults to keep him on track. We're pretty used to it by now- and thus we limit these types of outings to just 15-30 minutes max- but it was nice to have some validation that this is hard!
  • It's not that I wonder what it would be like to have a typical child for the day.

    I wonder what it would be like to lack the stress and worry for a day.  The stress of therapy and schedules and the things that make our lives difficult (feeding, positioning, stretching, AFO's, etc) is exhausting.  And the knowledge that it will never end is overwhelming at time.  I have times where I would love to wake up in the morning, throw whatever I want on DS's highchair tray and not care how much he eats, and let him run around the house and be able to play and interact.

    I want to know what it's like to fall asleep not worrying if tomorrow he might eat enough to maintain his weight, to not feel guilty about how many hours he wore his AFO's today, or feeling guilty that i just couldn't get him in the gait trainer long enough.  To not worry about planning a trip to story time or other toddler activity and spend the entire time before worrying whether DS will be able to physically participate.   

    To my boys:  I will love you for you Not for what you have done or what you will become I will love you for you I will give you the love The love that you never knew
  • Yes, often. I wonder what it is like to go to a party with your child and actually talk to people and enjoy the party. I wonder what it is like to go to a park and sit down and just watch him play.

    I wanted to say something cheerful and uplifting here. I will have to think about it.

  • I guess what I meant was that I wish I knew what it'd be like to not have all the stresses of having a SN child. Not having to think if a route we take in the car or in a store will set him off. This might have also been sparked because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of having another child out of fear that it would also have autism. 
  • image Spockles:
    I guess what I meant was that I wish I knew what it'd be like to not have all the stresses of having a SN child. Not having to think if a route we take in the car or in a store will set him off. This might have also been sparked because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of having another child out of fear that it would also have autism. 

    (((hugs))) Mourning takes time, and you are welcome to vent about it here. 

    .
  • reabtreabt member
    Tenth Anniversary Photogenic
    Yes. I totally get what you mean. My DS is 14 months old and my nephew is 6 months old. The comparisons in milestones is starting to get a little.... old? (thats the most fitting word I can think of). I wish it could be so easy like it seems for my sister, but thats what it seems like, you can never assume someones life until your in their shoes. So, what I am getting at is maybe we do have our challenges (and boy do we ever), I think others just have different challenges. Know what I mean?
  • hopankahopanka member
    Long-Lasting Membership 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Photogenic
    I think this overwhelmingly applies when your kid is younger. When my DS was around 3 and 4, I thought the same thing...what would it be like at a party if he was typical and I didn't have to worry beforehand...etc. I can honestly tell you that I know that now. My DS is way more laid back now that he is 7 and I can honestly say, I thoroughly enjoyed his birthday party. Language skills are way better, social skills, adaptive skills, transitions....after years of therapy and also his brain maturing, it's all much easier. Like auntie, I'm so glad my DS still cuddles with me, he initiates hugs and kisses...while his peers start to stay away from their parents more and more and back talk to them in a disrespectful way. I'm starting to really REALLY enjoy my unique koala bear. It does get much better!
  • image Spockles:
    I guess what I meant was that I wish I knew what it'd be like to not have all the stresses of having a SN child. Not having to think if a route we take in the car or in a store will set him off. This might have also been sparked because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of having another child out of fear that it would also have autism. 

    This is meant to be lighthearted, but you can seriously borrow my girls for the day.

    I get you, because before the girls L was so extremely sick that he was in the hospital more than he was home, and I was on a first name basis with most of the hospital staff (still am). I didn't want to be there anymore, and I wanted a nt child badly. Especially after one sugery that L screamed for 8 hours straight and all I could do was sit and hold him and cry.

    I've also had friends in the same position as you. Some did go ahead and have another child, some didn't. Only one has another ASD child, the rest don't (out of a dozen). It was hard for all of them, but they have made peace with it (their kids are all teens now). It's your time to greive, hugs to you.



  • image Spockles:
    I guess what I meant was that I wish I knew what it'd be like to not have all the stresses of having a SN child. Not having to think if a route we take in the car or in a store will set him off. This might have also been sparked because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of having another child out of fear that it would also have autism. 

    I'm so with you.... we thought we were 100% going to go ahead and try for #2 but then starting having major second thoughts. I'm having a garage sale this weekend and getting rid of most of the baby stuff... it sucks, big time.

  • But on a lighter note- I get what auntie is saying, too. DS is in some ways easier than other typical boys. He isn't the daredevil kid who markers the walls and climbs the bookcases. He's so rule driven that he could never do that- he'd rather pick up a marker and say "Markers are for paper only, Mama!" Yesterday he picked up a candle lighter that I had left laying around and he admonished me, saying that it was dangerous! I've never really kid-proofed our house- I tell him to stay out of something and he will. He might scream about it, but he'll stay out of the fridge, cupboards, etc.
  • I also think it would be nice if parents with "typical" children could experience a day with a special needs child. 
  • I have one of each, and it fluctuates day by day which one I think is easier. :P

    DD2 can be wonderfully charming, and a whirlwind of disaster. She gets into way more than DD1 ever did, and is way more willful, obstinate, and demanding. Just like she should be at two -- but it's exhausting. She's just as much work as DD1 is, just in different ways. And I feel like bad behavior is more "my" fault, because she doesn't have SN that affect her behavior. I love her typical-ness, and I remind myself to be thankful for it, but it's still not smooth sailing. :P

    DD1 is super sweet, but the fixations and the echolalia drive me crazy sometimes. And constantly, constantly having to repeat myself and give her extra processing time. 

    The element of fear isn't there, though, with DD2 the way it is with DD1. The constant second-guessing about whether what she's doing/saying is typical or not, and whether she'll be successful in a given social interaction or not, how much I need to hover, etc. I can't just think about what would be fun for DD1 to do this summer; it's what she can handle, where she won't stick out too much, and what will help her make progress on her weaknesses.

    That underlying constant stress, I can definitely relate to. I really hope it'll get better over time. 

    image

    DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
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