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scariest afternoon ever

XIrishPrincessXXIrishPrincessX
in Blended Families

So yesterday started off great, we got to see our LOs at an ultrasound appointment and then I went home and my fiance went back to work.  My SS2 (15) is home schooled because of his special needs and he was with a tutor while we were at the doctors and when i came home he seemed in fine spirits and was even excited to see the pictures I'd brought home of the babies.   We had lunch and then he went to play in his room, it had been such a long morning that I decided to just lay down for a few minutes before the other boys would be home from school and craziness would descend on the house.

Now SS has NEVER done this before or so my fiance says as he angrily yelled at me for not watching him enough but he left the house! Not only that but he made it about an hour from out home.  I noticed he was missing with in 15 minutes or so and then I called my fiance who called some people and a friend who is a police officer picked him up about three hours later.

I felt like such a failure as a mother, I let him get away and then not only did my fiance have to remind me of my shortcomings and mistake but when my SS was brought back and we asked why he'd do such a thing he said he was looking for his "real mom" even though she hasn't been in the picture since he was very little.  He also added that he didn't want to be around me because i was fake and he would run away again if either of the babies were boys.  I try my best but I'm still learning how to be his sm and it's not easy.

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Re: scariest afternoon ever

  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    Wow!  That is scary.  I hope your fiance will calm down and apologize to you.  The things he said were uncalled for.  And when you have two babies to care for it's really going to be difficult for you to watch SS like a hawk 24/7.

    Perhaps fiance needs to look into some other options.  Not because you are coming up short, but because this is a tough situation.  You're growing two babies (HIS babies).  And with multiple pregnancies there will likely come a point when you can't be chasing a 15 y/o around all day.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • XIrishPrincessXXIrishPrincessX
    imageFutureMrsWittig:

    Wow!  That is scary.  I hope your fiance will calm down and apologize to you.  The things he said were uncalled for.  And when you have two babies to care for it's really going to be difficult for you to watch SS like a hawk 24/7.

    Perhaps fiance needs to look into some other options.  Not because you are coming up short, but because this is a tough situation.  You're growing two babies (HIS babies).  And with multiple pregnancies there will likely come a point when you can't be chasing a 15 y/o around all day.

    I am for SURE going to be looking into summer camps.  My fiance pointed out that the other boys would be home and so it would be easier but I don't think it's fair to ask them to look after SS2 so maybe at least the younger two can maybe go to the same camp during the days or a week or two over night.  

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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    Did you ever read the book The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time?  Your story reminded me of that so much.

    I'm really sorry that happened.  Your Fi was out of line to yell at you. 

    You really are going to have your hands full.  I hope your have a good support system.

     

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  • NJ_girlNJ_girl

    If your H expects you to take care of HIS special-needs child full time at home while you are pregnant, and yells at you "about all of your shortcomings" because you are pregnant and tired and you take a nap - he is a douche and you should reconsider committing to him for a lifetime. 

    Really, you deserve better. 

    From what you write, special needs, teenager or not - your SS is taking cues from his dad.  If your FI doesn't show you respect, his son never will. 

     

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  • KaeldrasmommyKaeldrasmommy member
    imageNJ_girl:

    If your H expects you to take care of HIS special-needs child full time at home while you are pregnant, and yells at you "about all of your shortcomings" because you are pregnant and tired and you take a nap - he is a douche and you should reconsider committing to him for a lifetime. 

    Really, you deserve better. 

    From what you write, special needs, teenager or not - your SS is taking cues from his dad.  If your FI doesn't show you respect, his son never will. 

     

    I don't normally pop off with 'you should leave him!' type comments, but I agree with this. You can't be expected to watch him full time without help, especially right now. And to repeat, your fi is being a douche.
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  • XIrishPrincessXXIrishPrincessX
    image-auntie-:

    Yikes. Are you in the U.S.?

    If you are-

    Your school district is mandated to provide and appropriate education and starting the year he will turn 16 transitional support toward employment. Depending on his needs, he might qualify for an extended school year which would relieve you of the burden of camp. Without this support and training, this may be your life going forward.

     We live in New Jersey and he was attending private school before he started homeschooling about two months ago.  The school wasn't much help and the children were so brutally vicious to him that it was decided it would be better to try at home.  I think I will talk to my fiance about maybe getting him into the local public school for more services because it is obvious to me and others in our family that this isn't working.  I didn't really have a say in the home schooling idea but i'm going to put my foot down now. 

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  • XIrishPrincessXXIrishPrincessX
    Really I was upset when I wrote all that and he was angry and scared for ss2's safety when he yelled at me.  He's since apologized and we figured out a way that I can call someone if i need time for myself when no one else is home but the two of us.   He really isn't a bad man and I hate that I made him come across as one.
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  • WahooWahoo member

    I am in NJ.  Your needs to work with the schools before the school year is over.  If he has special needs that are documented you can get an advocate to determine what is best for him.  The school will have to pay for it in another town if they don't have the services in-district.  It is a loooooooooong process, and the schools drag it out so start BEFORE school ends for the summer!

    Really, I'm not sure that having SS at home full time is in his best interest.  If he has such a problem with you / the new baby I would be afraid he would act out his anger with the baby.  Running away is a sign of unhappiness and a problem.  It is a cry for help.  He needs counseling and direction going forward.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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