June 2011 Moms
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who comes first LO or DH in your priority list

Clicky Poll - but feel free to add comments. There is no SS in this case.[Poll]
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Re: who comes first LO or DH in your priority list

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    I just have to add.  We try and do things as a family when DS is awake so that everyone gets attention, but unfortunately although I love DH (and before DS I swore I would never feel this way), I love DH, but our LO comes first 100% no questions asked.  DH can take care of himself, where LO can not!

    I just had to add, that when DS is in bed, DH does come first no matter what, even if that means the house looks horrible.  When our LO is awake he does come first.  It's tough to really define it because I don't feel when DS is this age that when he is awake that my husband can come first, but once our DS goes to bed my husband comes first no matter what.

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    I think spouse/SO should be higher priority than children but at this point, LO's needs are more urgent so they will have to be taken care of. But, you can still show priority for your SO by making sure to save some time and energy for them. If DH and I are feeling disconnected, I need to maybe sacrifice cleaning a room of the house that day to make sure I'm able to put energy into spending time with him once DD goes to bed. If our relationship is suffering and not being taken care of, then it will negatively affect DD in some way or another. In reverse, she will benefit from us making our marriage a priority, especially as she gets older.
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    I voted that children come first, but honestly that's not the way I want things to be. Ideally I'd like Dh's and my relationship to come first, followed at a very close second (if not tied) by our kids. Someday our kids are going to leave, and I think it's important that our relationship remains the top priority since it's going to be the most enduring (not that we won't have a relationship with our kids once they leave but obviously it changes as they depend on us less). It's something we need to work on, and I hope it gets easier once we're through the early years.
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    Right now LO comes first and will probably continue to do so for the next few years. I do try to make spending time with DH  and doing the things he enjoys a priority, but if push came to shove C would win out.

    Our marriage has it's good weeks and it's bad weeks - there are weeks where we are so in love you would think we were newly engaged, but then when things get stressful we certainly take it out on each other. I would say we have a good strong marriage and i want to keep it that way, but i know to do so takes committment and time - I'm hoping that we can still maintain our marraige when #2 adds more stress andpressure to it - but i think when he or she arrives we will have to certainly plan more date nights and "make" time for just us.

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    Honestly, I can never separate the two. The family is a unit, and my relationship with all members of the family affects the rest. If DH and I had a terrible relationship, the children would suffer, but if the children didn't get what they needed, my relationship with DH would suffer. It is all about striking a balance.

    However, there are some situations when the balance isn't possible. When it is a "who do you chose, DH or kids," I think the answer is kids. As their mother, I am responsible for them in a way that I am not responsible for DH. 

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    right now it is my Daughter. I know it is not supposed to be like that and I love my DH very much and feel we have a great marriage. I feel like we are both secure in our marriage so DD gets priority right now.

    He made a comment one day about her being his number one girl or something to that effect. I was totally fine with that and was actually glad to hear him say that since she is my number one as well. Then I guess he realized what he said and thought "oh crap" and looked at me and said "well for right now". I just replied with a simple "that's right". I like to know what we both have that understanding. I personally feel like DD deserves that from both of us. Maybe if we "needed work" I would feel differently but I think since we have the same view on it and have a healthy marriage (and it being a right now thing) , that's fine.

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    imageMommaA117:

    right now it is my Daughter. I know it is not supposed to be like that and I love my DH very much and feel we have a great marriage. I feel like we are both secure in our marriage so DD gets priority right now.

    He made a comment one day about her being his number one girl or something to that effect. I was totally fine with that and was actually glad to hear him say that since she is my number one as well. Then I guess he realized what he said and thought "oh crap" and looked at me and said "well for right now". I just replied with a simple "that's right". I like to know what we both have that understanding. I personally feel like DD deserves that from both of us. Maybe if we "needed work" I would feel differently but I think since we have the same view on it and have a healthy marriage (and it being a right now thing) , that's fine.

    Perfectly put!

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    imagehelenejr:
    imageMommaA117:

    right now it is my Daughter. I know it is not supposed to be like that and I love my DH very much and feel we have a great marriage. I feel like we are both secure in our marriage so DD gets priority right now.

    He made a comment one day about her being his number one girl or something to that effect. I was totally fine with that and was actually glad to hear him say that since she is my number one as well. Then I guess he realized what he said and thought "oh crap" and looked at me and said "well for right now". I just replied with a simple "that's right". I like to know what we both have that understanding. I personally feel like DD deserves that from both of us. Maybe if we "needed work" I would feel differently but I think since we have the same view on it and have a healthy marriage (and it being a right now thing) , that's fine.

    Perfectly put!

    i agree.  i think that right now both dh and i focus on making sure the girls' needs are met.  and i also don't think that this phase will last forever.  we aren't having any more children.  so it's good to know that there will be time to focus on each other sometime in the future.

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    I voted that DS comes first. But I really don't like having to make a choice like that. Yes, right now DS gets most of our attention and we tend to his needs first. But I'd be lost without DH/my marriage so that has to be a top priority too. I try to think of them (DS and DH) together as my top priority.
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    depends on how you define priority. I do spend more time caring for DD's needs - at this point she has more of them. But if DH really does need something (and not like, "get me a coke from the fridge") I do strive to put him first. Our marriage is our priority, and it needs to be that way for the benefit of our daughter. Now, if we're judging on who I do things more, the list goes 10,000 things per day for daughter, 8,000 things per day for my job, and 50 things for my husband. But that's just bc he is by far the most self sufficient of the three :)
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    I'm in the minority.  I believe that by putting my husband and my relationship first, we, indirectly & together, put our daughter first.  Of course, we always make sure her needs are met -- not just physically, but emotionally too.  By taking care of our marriage we are not only giving our daughter a loving home, but we are setting a good example of what a relationship should look like.

    My parents did that for me.  They have been married for almost 34 years.  They are more in love than ever.  

    I think it's important not to forget about your relationship.  There will come a day when the children are out of the home and you it will be just the two of you again.

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    imagekimbo1216:

    I'm in the minority.  I believe that by putting my husband and my relationship first, we, indirectly & together, put our daughter first.  Of course, we always make sure her needs are met -- not just physically, but emotionally too.  By taking care of our marriage we are not only giving our daughter a loving home, but we are setting a good example of what a relationship should look like.

    My parents did that for me.  They have been married for almost 34 years.  They are more in love than ever.  

    I think it's important not to forget about your relationship.  There will come a day when the children are out of the home and you it will be just the two of you again.

    Minus the parents being married so long (my mom is on hubby #4) I totally agree with this .  I try to make sure our marriage is stable and loving which in turn will make J's childhood stable and loving.  As PPs have said, Mh is more self sufficient than J, but a spouse can feel neglected just as easily as a child

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