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...and THIS is why being a working mom sucks sometimes

Herpangina.

Sounds gross, right?  Well, it is.  It is basically hand, foot, and mouth disease WITHOUT the hand and foot part.   For all of you 1st timers out there...HFM disease, which I had never even HEARD of before having a baby, is a miserable little B!#$% of an illness that causes blisters on the hands, feet, and inside the mouths and throats of the little munchkins it inflicts with its wrath.  It doesn't sound that bad until you think of...BLISTERS ON THE FREAKING INSIDE OF YOUR KID'S MOUTH.  Um...ouch?  Herpangina takes the worst part of HFM, and just leaves you with the miserable blisters on the inside of your LO's mouth, but none on the hands and feet where it is easier to see and diagnose.  It also comes with a very high fever and general misery.  Awesomesauce.  

So, crazy baby has it.  And, it is likely that I have it too, although the pedi wouldn't diagnose me officially.  I have slept exactly three hours in the past 48.  This is one of those times where being a working mom married to a cop that works nights and sleeps during the day is especially sucktastic.  I will never say that being pregnant sucks, because I am so so very thankful for this pregnancy and the baby...but I will say that general nausea and feeling of mind-numbing exhaustion from just BEING pregnant, on TOP of having a sick 1-year-old...is just a suck sandwich.

I'm going to rant. Get ready for it.  For anyone that thinks that people working for the government (local, state OR federal) have such cushy benefits...I'm here to dispel that little myth.  When pregnant, we get to use the medical leave bank for 6 weeks for a vaginal delivery or 8 weeks for a c-section.  That sounds awesome...until you find out that you have to exhaust ALL forms of leave and have a zero leave balance before that kicks in.  And it isn't like you use up your leave and THEN get your 6 or 8 weeks...nope...you can have 5 weeks and six days of leave saved up, and the medical leave bank kicks in to give you exactly ONE day. I know a lot of people get no leave, and I realize I have it better than them, but forcing a woman to use up her leave before the medical leave bank kicks in, and then making her start back to work with NO leave and a child going to daycare getting exposed to things like...HERPANGINA...is just stupid.  This particular illness can last the better part of a week, and I can't take crazy baby to daycare with a fever (which happens to be 101.8 WITH Tylenol AND Advil) and she is so miserable I wouldn't want to send her anyway...and I am doing this with no leave.  So, now I have to take leave without pay, but I still have to pay the daycare the $300 for the week to hold her spot, even if she isn't there.  

The other thing that makes me mad is that I know EXACTLY which child gave this to her.  The mom brought her in at the opening of daycare and told the providers "oh, she has been up all night crying but she doesn't have a fever so oh well!" and left her there for the day.  However, she CLEARLY did have a fever, but had been medicated, because she was flushed, sweaty, had glassy and watery eyes, and was inconsolable and shoving her hands into her throat so far it was almost gagging her.  JUST like my baby for the past 24 hours.  The daycare lady in crazy baby's class told me they had been trying to call the parents to come and get her, but they weren't responding to the calls.  Of course, I can't PROVE it was this girl, but if you had seen what she looked like and then see my daughter in the past 24 hours, they would be sickness twins.  

So why is it that some working moms think they are SO IMPORTANT that they will take their kid to daycare  when they are clearly and obviously sick (uh-hello-not getting any sleep the night before would be a huge sign something was wrong) and infect the other kids and think that is o.k.?  She might not have had any leave, but neither do I!  My job is actually important too (at times) and this week in particular I had a LOT of things that I had on the agenda to get done.  And I can't.  

And while I'm mad at people...what the heck is it with men in law enforcement that insist they can't take sick leave ever?  How about them? Earlier this year I had mastitis and got so run down I actually ended up in the hospital.  The night I was admitted I told him earlier in the day that I just couldn't take care of crazy baby by myself feeling the way I felt.  And he...went in to work.  I couldn't even ;pick her up without feeling so dizzy I thought I would fall.  I had mastitis and was apparently very dehydrated, but that wasn't enough.  And now I'm pregnant, existing on my new average of 1.5 hours per sleep while trying to grow a baby up in there AND I have the same freaking illness my crazy baby has...and yet I am the one sitting with her, holding her, giving her medicine and a tepid bath.  Yeah, he went to the store for us...but I need a freaking break.  

SMH for so many things tonight.  Damn you, hormones and illness.   

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Re: ...and THIS is why being a working mom sucks sometimes

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    Whew! I'm so sorry! I would be plunking a movie in and setting the baby gates up and taking a snooze. Given that crazy baby isn't fussing too bad. I hope things get better soon and you can get some rest. 
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    Thanks Randa.

    She is finally asleep, so I think I may log off for the night and try and get some sleep.  We are still downstairs in the living room, but she seems to sleep better when I am holding her, so we may just stay down here and recline the chair back for the night.  Good call on the baby gates though...given her proclivity for the stairs and the disaster that follows her stair journeys.  

    She was crying up a storm earlier, it was just heartbreaking.  I kept thinking of how much worse that was making those blisters in her mouth.  I am still hormonally sitting here trying to decide if I am annoyed with or pleased with my husband.   Maybe both.  He 'tried' (in the loosest sense of that word) to take her earlier when she was crying and comfort her, but his trying lasted about 89 seconds, and he handed her back to me the second her body leaned slightly in my direction, saying "oh, poor thing. you just want mama."  But, at the same time, he DID go to the store to get her more medicine, and also got me the food I was craving earlier so I can have it for dinner tomorrow AND a pint of ben and jerry's for me and one for the baby (because ice cream is actually the only thing that really makes those blisters feel better) AND he got me some diet cherry 7-up, which is my fave "i feel sick" beverage.  So...I am torn between wanting to give him a big fat kiss and wanting to kick him in the shin.  So, best to stay downstairs unless kiss wins out anyway.  :)

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    drpaynedrpayne member

    Okay... Not trying to sound insensitive but HFMD is super common. Your LO likely would have been exposed regardless. It took out DS's entire class. You really can't blame one kid or parent.  It sucks, yes. But it's very contagious so it's sort of part of day care. 

    And as for leave, I have none. So.....

    Just thought I'd give you some perspective.  

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    Well, technically she doesn't have HFMD...she has herpangina.  Technicality, I know.  And I also realize that she would have eventually caught this, along with every other disease and ailment she has already had or will eventually have, because she is in daycare.  But our daycare costs $300 per week and they supposedly have very strict policies in place to help minimize the spread of illness as much as possible.  If they call us to tell us our kid has a fever (or a few other ailments on their immediate-call list), we have ONE HOUR to pick up that kid.  If we don't come in that hour and it happens again...we lose our spot in daycare.  We are not to bring in the kid if they have had a fever...for ANY reason (including teething) for 24 hours AFTER the fever has gone away without using any medicine.  Why do I bother following these rules if it appears nobody else does?  

    My post was a vent.  I even stated that in the post.  And I am apt to do it again in my state...fair warning.  When one is venting, they do not want perspective, they want empathy.  Compassion.  Someone that says, "I have been there" or "you will get through it" or "stay strong" or even "your DH sucks dog turds for being so lame."  Because most of the time we HAVE perspective, and plenty of it, but NOT WHEN WE HAVEN'T SLEPT MORE THAN 3 HOURS SINCE WAKING UP ON SATURDAY.  I would be sleeping now, but alas, the LO wants to lay on me in a way that is NOT conducive to me sleeping, but is allowing her some rest.  When I try to move one inch, she wakes up and screams for at least 15 minutes.  So, because I am a good (yet temporarily perspective-less due to my sheer exhaustion) mom, I am sitting here awake just so she can sleep comfortably and feel better.  

    I know a lot of people have no leave.  I would guess most working moms have little to no sick leave.  I am mad that although I am part of a 2-parent household, ONE of the parents has NEVER once taken a sick day to care for his daughter.  And even when he is OFF, like today, he came home from work, went to sleep, and didn't get up until 5:30 p.m.  Never once thought it might be a good idea to take the baby and tell me, "go...sleep...you need it.  You look like a vampire in need of its next feeding.  Plus, you are growing my other baby in there! Take a load off lady!"  And he was back in bed before midnight because he feels sick...as if I don't feel like complete and total garbage!!  I am pregnant, AND sick, AND taking care of his sick toddler.

    My work does NOT understand how someone that is not a single mom could possibly have to be out so frequently with a sick child.  I mean, there are two of us, so shouldn't I be out half as much since I have a hubby to take off running the other half of the time?  HA!  I am fighting an uphill battle to get promoted in this economy, and the woman that holds the key to my promotion is a woman that has no kids, has never had kids, and really does not GET that kids in daycare get sick.  A lot.  Upper management in my job consists largely of men who married stay-at-home wives who always dealt with the sick kids, and women like my boss who loves and respects anyone who will stay at work later than she does...which I can no longer do now that I have a kid in daycare with a 6:30 final pick-up time.  wife.  My work wants me to work the hours I did before having kids, and essentially I am not "reliable" anymore because I can't predict when my kid is going to get sick.  I am very good at my job, but because I can't see the future and schedule my DD's (and my own) bout with herpangina at a time more convenient to the office, I feel like I am losing any good reputation and status that I had prior to being a mom.    

    That was another vent.  I don't need perspective about how lucky I am to have some type of job security in this economy or to have a husband 'helping' to take care of this child in some way, shape or form.  Most days, I know this very well and feel completely blessed.  I am just so freaking tired and anything and everything is the target of my rage right now.  So, unless you come bearing herpangina-relief tips or some old-fashioned empathy...just don't feed this tiger any perspective.  Not until I get a good six hours of sleep and am in a more rational state.  

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    ...and I really didn't mean to come across totally snarky.  I have had a pretty craptastic week (except for the BFP) and I am just completely mentally and physically drained.  I had a pre-natal massage scheduled on Saturday, but because my husband was being a total arse and went ballistic that I was only going to return to the house a mere 45 minutes before he had to leave for work and OMG, how would he watch the baby AND get ready for work at the same time (which is something that i do on a freaking daily basis) I had to cancel it but they still charged me for a massage I never got to have.  So I am cranky, tense, tired, my throat hurts, my back hurts, my boobs hurt, I am having a ton or MS that lasts all day and it seems like nobody is here to help me.  My best friend was supposed to come hang out for mother's day and give me some time to relax, but then she went into work and couldn't.  I do not mean to be snarky, I am seriously just so tired and so so miserable.  I had to put the baby in the crib last night for about 10 minutes even though she was crying her head off, because I needed to cry and I didn't want to lose it in front of her and scare her.  I would do that tonight, because clearly that is what I need, but then my DH will be angry that I let the baby wake him up when he has court tomorrow and it will be a huge brawl. Clearly, as I type this, I see that most of my rage is directed at DH...so I will refrain from posting again until I channel this appropriately at him and his lack of pregnant wifely support.  See y'all when my sunny side returns. 
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    I'll admit that I didn't read your entire post, I'm sorry...I'm at work, but I wanted to respond to the Herpangina/HFM part.

    We had this virus make its way around our house last month.

    DS had the HFM part, DH and I both got the Herpangina (it was the worst sore throat I have ever had), and then DH also got the full HFM.  It sucked.  And it all happened during ovulation.  Obviously DH and I made it work and were troopers, but it wasn't easy!

    Hope your LO feels better soon and that no one else gets it.


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    BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
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    First off, I'm sorry you and your DD are sick. 

    Secondly, it seems like you have a DH problem. Someone needs a "coming to Jesus" talk and needs to step up to the plate and be a father. It's time to stop letting him off the hook and making excuses (and letting him make excuses).

    You need help. He needs to help. He (and his job) are NOT more important than you. Put an end to his antics now. He needs to take a sick day and take are of his family - the world will go on for 24 hrs without him. He's using work as an excuse to escape reality.

    And, I have no idea what kind of person you are so please take this with a grain of salt, but you need to be able to relent control. He may not do things the same way you would, but let him figure it out.

    Hang in there and I hope you ladies feel better soon!

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    drpaynedrpayne member

    imagejovencita1224:
    ...and I really didn't mean to come across totally snarky.  I have had a pretty craptastic week (except for the BFP) and I am just completely mentally and physically drained.  I had a pre-natal massage scheduled on Saturday, but because my husband was being a total arse and went ballistic that I was only going to return to the house a mere 45 minutes before he had to leave for work and OMG, how would he watch the baby AND get ready for work at the same time (which is something that i do on a freaking daily basis) I had to cancel it but they still charged me for a massage I never got to have.  So I am cranky, tense, tired, my throat hurts, my back hurts, my boobs hurt, I am having a ton or MS that lasts all day and it seems like nobody is here to help me.  My best friend was supposed to come hang out for mother's day and give me some time to relax, but then she went into work and couldn't.  I do not mean to be snarky, I am seriously just so tired and so so miserable.  I had to put the baby in the crib last night for about 10 minutes even though she was crying her head off, because I needed to cry and I didn't want to lose it in front of her and scare her.  I would do that tonight, because clearly that is what I need, but then my DH will be angry that I let the baby wake him up when he has court tomorrow and it will be a huge brawl. Clearly, as I type this, I see that most of my rage is directed at DH...so I will refrain from posting again until I channel this appropriately at him and his lack of pregnant wifely support.  See y'all when my sunny side returns. 

     

    I'm sorry to hear that and I hope your week improves.  Hang in there.

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    Jap09Jap09 member
    You are a tough mamma for going through this. That sucks. I would be inclined to place blame as well I think that is a natural reaction of getting sick. 
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    I also think your husband needs to hear from you that you need his help. Thanks for sharing this story - I don't think it's just men in law enforcement that feel this way. My husband is a physical therapist and I don't think he'd take a sick day unless I basically begged him to.
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    And...I am rested up and feeling (mostly) better! Thank you ladies for not disowning me after my hormonal rant. 

    Drpayne, I apologize for my rant and I forgot to mention that you have one super cute baby!

    My husband snapped out of his stupor, well, partially anyway. He went to court today but hen took sick leave the rest of the day and came home to relieve me. I finally got to have my prenatal massage and I got a break from trying to be super mom. He did explain that he was trying to save leave for when we have the baby, and has only been with his department for 10 months so he didn't have as much as he would like to be able to stay and help us adjust to baby #2.  He admitted he wasn't thinking of the fact that I need him NOW too, especially because being pregnant, being sick, and taking care of a sick child are  all difficult in their own right and dealing with all of them at once is really hard. I am glad he eventually realized he was compounding the situation and is acting more like a husband now. Hopefully with time that will happen from the start. 

    Im going to bed as soon as glee is over, so goodnight all! 

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