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Baby Shower

So i want to have a baby shower with my second pregnancy since i couldn't have on with my first child because my husband and father both worked offshore and every time my mom and i would set a date they would both have to pull extra time at work.

My grandparents (on my mom side) say i don't need a shower because this is my second pregnancy.

Has anybody else heard of  that? One one baby shower if you have more than on pregnancy

Re: Baby Shower

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    If you did, I would keep it small and just register for small things and not anything big that you should already have. 

     

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    I believe we should only have one shower unless it's many years between kids....but you never had a first shower sooo go for it! 
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    I think a general rule of thumb, at least in my area, is you only receive a baby shower for baby #1. I've had several friends who have had more than one baby and they didn't have a second shower. Of course, that didn't stop me from getting them little gifts or taking something small to the hospital. This will be our first little one and a friend has already offered to host a shower for me. I hope we will have more than one but I certainly wouldn't expect a second shower.

    In your situation, I can see where it would be nice to have a shower but you have to consider people might not remember that you didn't have a shower for LO1. I doubt your intention is to look gift grabby but someone might see it that way. If you do have a shower for LO2, keep it small and informal.

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    I gave all my stuff i had for my son to my sister and cousin when they had their boys. So i really didnt save anything bc they had that stuff down to their friends and stuff

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    That was very generous of you but I would still keep it small.

    A shower isn't so much to celebrate the birth of a baby as it is to welcome a woman into motherhood.  However, since you are already a mother and never had a shower you could still have one.  Again, just keep it small.  I understand where you are coming from, but providing for your new baby isn't a burden you should put upon your guests. 

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    Iwasnt asking for any negative attitude behind my post. I was just asking if people ever heard of the comment my grandmother told me.

    I can take care of my childeren with or without a baby shower, I wasnt using that as an excuse to have a shower.

    LIKE I SAID I DIDNT HAVE A BABY SHOWER FOR MY SON. AND I WANT TO HAVE THAT FEELING OF WHAT IS LIKE TO HAVE A SHOWER.

    imageMandJS:
    imagemrstrahan121209:

    I gave all my stuff i had for my son to my sister and cousin when they had their boys. So i really didnt save anything bc they had that stuff down to their friends and stuff

    Unfortunately, that's not a great excuse on having a shower for a 2nd+ child. The reality is, you chose to give your stuff away. You chose to have another child. It is your responsibility to provide for your child. While in your situation, your friends did not provide a ton for your 1st, that's also not super relevant. It is ALWAYS the parents' responsibility to provide for their child or children. A shower is a gift - not an entitlement.  

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    I WASNT ASKING ANYONE TO PROVIDE FOR MY BABY

    imagestw_77:

    That was very generous of you but I would still keep it small.

    A shower isn't so much to celebrate the birth of a baby as it is to welcome a woman into motherhood.  However, since you are already a mother and never had a shower you could still have one.  Again, just keep it small.  I understand where you are coming from, but providing for your new baby isn't a burden you should put upon your guests. 

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    Wow, I was actually being nice and censored myself.

    Look, no one cares that you gave your stuff away.  That isn't your friends and family's problem.  If you want to have a big baby shower, go ahead; but don't expect much.  Most people will get you diapers, clothes and blankets. 

    Oh and yes I have heard of the comment your grandmother made.  All the time.  I surprised you haven't. 

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    Kie310Kie310 member

    Yea, it's not done here.

    If someone finds out they are having a baby of the opposite sex than the first time they might be thrown a "sprinkle" but not a full blown shower.

     Exception: if new baby is MANY MANY years after any previous babies & the parents-to-be will no longer have anything one would need for a baby.

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    Previous Posters made great points.  I don't think showers are appropriate for second children.  The point of a shower is to welcome the mother to motherhood.  As others stated, the fact you gave your baby things away does not mean you deserve a shower. 

    I always buy a gift for new babies, whether it is the first or 5th.  However, I would strongly side eye a shower and/or registry for a child other than the first in 99% of situations. 

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    Who is being negative? Seriously, chill the *** out. 

    and honestly? You weren't asking for negative feedback by asking this? Grow up. You aren't going to like every poster's response. It's the internet. You ask for advice, you're going to get it. 

    And having a shower for #2 because someone offered to THROW IT FOR YOU is fine, IMO. But going around saying, "Um like so I never had one with my first so I like really want one so I can experience having a shower and getting pretty presents all for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" is ridiculous.

    And a baby shower is not to celebrate the baby being born. That would be called a "baby was born!" party. 

    A shower is a welcome to motherhood, let's shower her with gifts to help her get set up for this new journey in life. You've already started the journey, so if you want to get technical about it, you aren't really a candidate for one. 

     

     

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    mlangsmlangs member
    imagemrstrahan121209:

    Iwasnt asking for any negative attitude behind my post. I was just asking if people ever heard of the comment my grandmother told me.

    If you think these ladies were mean... go ask this on the baby shower board... you would be eaten ALIVE over there... I thought they answered your question politely. This may not be the place for you if that was too harsh.

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    We had a second shower for a girl at work because she had been put on bedrest the day before her shower and missed it.  She still got the gifts, but we threw her another one with #2 so she can be there.

    I am expecting number 2.  My children will be 4 years apart and different sexes.  I in no way expect another shower.  I wouldn't be surprised if I get a small sprinkle with my family, but certainly not another shower.

    I personally have no problem with 2nd showers and would happily attend one.  I think a baby shower is getting ready to welcome a baby, not necessarily a mother (otherwise it would be called a Maternal Shower, like a bridal shower) and I there is nothing I like more than welcoming a new life.  However, it is beyond tacky to ask anyone to throw you ANY sort of shower, 1st, 2nd or 3rd.  It is also tacky to feel entitled to "getting to experience" a shower. 

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    LOL...you're a new poster...but you will soon learn that ladies on The Bump can be very frank and unfriendly at times, even for the most simple questions you may have...

    My family celebrates each new life with a baby shower. It depends on the family/friend dynamic you have. While some ppl think it's taboo and don't want to buy you a gift because you already have a child...other's are excited about your birth and want to share by contributing...

    You'll learn how things go around here soon enough. It's sad...but this is my second child, and it's always been like that. LOL! Don't take it personal.

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    i was meaing the negative towards my question. Someone posted that i shouldnt want to have a shower and ASK PEOPLE TO HELP SUPPORT MY CHILD. That what i meant by the nagative

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    Traditionally, that is correct, showers are for the 1st baby and some will consider it tacky if you have more than one. 

    Ideally its to help prepare and shower the mother with gifts for her baby and if you already have a baby, then you should have what you need for #2. 

     However, if someone in your family or a close friend would like to throw you a baby shower to celebrate this new baby, I am all for it.  But not if you are planning on throwing yourself a shower. (thats like saying "I'm pregnant, buy me stuff) 

    And, no need to get all uppity, I think those that responded did so tactfully, considering how harsh past responses to questions like this in the past.

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    I personally find second showers extremely tacky, especially if the LO's are close in age.  I have attended three showers for 2nd babies (within 2 years of each other) in the past year and I cringed at each one.  They were full blown out showers, not sprinkles.

     Like pp stated you are having this child, so you are expected to provide for it.

    ANd please, don't tell ANYONE you expect a shower. 

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    We do celebrations for the second, third, fourth, fifth baby and so on.  BUT, they are not showers.  They are family friendly BBQs where everyone comes and chats and celebrates, no gifts are expected, requested or registered for.   

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    hmonttyhmontty member
    According to etiquette, yes, you only get one for the first. Tacky otherwise.
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    imageRanda&Jerm:

    Traditionally, that is correct, showers are for the 1st baby and some will consider it tacky if you have more than one. 

    Ideally its to help prepare and shower the mother with gifts for her baby and if you already have a baby, then you should have what you need for #2. 

     However, if someone in your family or a close friend would like to throw you a baby shower to celebrate this new baby, I am all for it.  But not if you are planning on throwing yourself a shower. (thats like saying "I'm pregnant, buy me stuff) 

    And, no need to get all uppity, I think those that responded did so tactfully, considering how harsh past responses to questions like this in the past.

    All of this.  To be nice and polite about it. 


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    imagejrtmom:
    I was always taught you only have a shower for the first child and you never give yourself one.  I am curious though, what do you all think about multiple "first" showers?  I do not like the idea at all, but I already know that once I announce I am pregnant, I will have at least 3 people (not from the same group of family/friends) who will insist on throwing a shower.  I think this is kind tacky and I don't want to accept so many gifts but am not sure how to avoid it without hurting feelings.  Even if I say "no gifts", or "donate to this cause instead", I know they will still bring gifts. 

     I had three showers for my daughter, my mom hosted a shower in Maryland for me (where I am originally from and where I grew up), MIL hosted a shower in Delaware for me (where we live now) and my work threw me a shower.  I didn't expect anything, but was very greatful for the three showers!

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    imagejrtmom:
    I was always taught you only have a shower for the first child and you never give yourself one.  I am curious though, what do you all think about multiple "first" showers?  I do not like the idea at all, but I already know that once I announce I am pregnant, I will have at least 3 people (not from the same group of family/friends) who will insist on throwing a shower.  I think this is kind tacky and I don't want to accept so many gifts but am not sure how to avoid it without hurting feelings.  Even if I say "no gifts", or "donate to this cause instead", I know they will still bring gifts. 

    As long as you are not inviting the same people to different showers ( except for maybe your  mom or MIL), I think it is just fine.  It actually happens all the time because sometimes one host doesn't have the room or resources to throw a shower for all of those guests. 

    Oh, and I wouldn't say anything about donating to a cause either, but that is just me.

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    imagejrtmom:
    I was always taught you only have a shower for the first child and you never give yourself one.  I am curious though, what do you all think about multiple "first" showers?  I do not like the idea at all, but I already know that once I announce I am pregnant, I will have at least 3 people (not from the same group of family/friends) who will insist on throwing a shower.  I think this is kind tacky and I don't want to accept so many gifts but am not sure how to avoid it without hurting feelings.  Even if I say "no gifts", or "donate to this cause instead", I know they will still bring gifts. 

    I view baby and bridal showers the same way.  Multiple for the same baby/wedding are perfectly acceptable as long as the guest lists are different.  This makes sense for people with family and friends in different areas, or people who have larger circles of loved ones.  I do think it is appropriate for your parents and siblings to be invited to multiple showers but no one else.   

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    hmonttyhmontty member

    imagejrtmom:
    I was always taught you only have a shower for the first child and you never give yourself one.  I am curious though, what do you all think about multiple "first" showers?  I do not like the idea at all, but I already know that once I announce I am pregnant, I will have at least 3 people (not from the same group of family/friends) who will insist on throwing a shower.  I think this is kind tacky and I don't want to accept so many gifts but am not sure how to avoid it without hurting feelings.  Even if I say "no gifts", or "donate to this cause instead", I know they will still bring gifts. 

    Well I know there is often a "real" shower and then a work party/shower. I think that's probably OK and fairly common. However, if there are three non-work people who want to throw you that real shower outside of work, I would probably take up the offer from one person and then tell the others, "Thank you so much, but so-and-so has already offered." And be sure they are all invited! My shower included lots of people who had never met before, from all different areas of my life. If the other people are really disappointed, offer to let them know that you will give the hostess their name and email address, and maybe they can help.

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    I'm having a shower.  In fact, I'm having two because DH's family lives so far away that they're having one and my family is having one.  I guess that makes me tacky and greedy? 

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    Rant, rant, rant, squabble, squabble, squabble... If you didn't want people's opinions, then why did you ask? 

    Your'e lame.... 

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    Yes, I have heard of the one baby one shower, normally first baby thing. But if you want a baby shower, have one. Do what you want to do and have fun doing it.
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    Have a Meet-The-Baby Party after baby is here.

    Register small & simple. That way if people ask, then you can point them in a direction. However, don't expect gifts. The people that want to buy them will do so shower or no shower.

    Honestly, I can see some disappointment in missing the boat on your first baby. I can understand wanting to have "the experience" of a having a shower. That being said, its no one's fault that you didn't haove a shower on your first time around. Its tacky and rude to expect someone to throw you one the second time around.

    HOPING for one (such as, "I would love it if someone hosted a shower for me".) is not a crime. Unfortunately it sounds like you feel that you are entitled to one since you didn't get it the first time around. Its just how you come across in your post, I'm sorry.

    Stamping your feet and telling strangers on the internet how mean they are isn't helping your case either. You are coming off like an entitled little girl. I can kind of imagine why no one offered to throw you a baby shower in the first place. I don't say that to be mean, but if you are this way to strangers on the internet, how are you to people IRL?

    If someone chooses to throw you a shower then graciously accept. However, you can't drop hints or ask someone to do it for you. It is also in bad taste to host it yourself unless you throw a Sip-&-See (A tea party after baby is here). Gifts would be optional in that case, as I said above. 

    Chill out. You asked and got answers. Just because you don't like them doesn't mean that we are trying to be mean to you. 

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    WHen it comes to multiple 1st showers, i say GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF. Babies need a ton of crap. I would register in one place, give everyone the registry info and enjoy. 1st time around is the time for gifts! 2nd time around you get picture frames and blankets...
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    ash2ash2 member
    Everyone has a different opinion on this, but I think its fine. A baby shower isn't just about getting stuff for the baby, but a celebration of a new life. But I do agree, someone else needs to throw the shower for you.
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    imagemrstrahan121209:

    Iwasnt asking for any negative attitude behind my post. I was just asking if people ever heard of the comment my grandmother told me.

    I can take care of my childeren with or without a baby shower, I wasnt using that as an excuse to have a shower.

    LIKE I SAID I DIDNT HAVE A BABY SHOWER FOR MY SON. AND I WANT TO HAVE THAT FEELING OF WHAT IS LIKE TO HAVE A SHOWER.

    imageMandJS:
    imagemrstrahan121209:

    I gave all my stuff i had for my son to my sister and cousin when they had their boys. So i really didnt save anything bc they had that stuff down to their friends and stuff

    Unfortunately, that's not a great excuse on having a shower for a 2nd+ child. The reality is, you chose to give your stuff away. You chose to have another child. It is your responsibility to provide for your child. While in your situation, your friends did not provide a ton for your 1st, that's also not super relevant. It is ALWAYS the parents' responsibility to provide for their child or children. A shower is a gift - not an entitlement.  

    This is not a negative attitude. You just don't like what she is saying because it's not you think is right.

    Buy the stuff yourself for your new baby, you did not think in advance that  Hey maybe I will have a 2nd child I should keep these thing's just in case?

    Regardless buy the stuff you need and maybe some family,friend's will give you gift's. Why could you not have a shower without your husband and father? They did  not need to be there for that.Hopefully someone will throw you a shower and you will get your way. Good Luck!


     

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    DO WHAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WANT!!! You will get some really self-righteous responses on these boards sometimes.  If someone wants to throw you a shower, let them and don't worry about it.  Enjoy it!
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    I don't see anything wrong with that - especially since you didn't have one with your first!  I am going to a "sprinkle" this weekend - gifts will be more items like clothes and blankets and less of the traditional stuff. 

    Either way I don't see a problem with a second shower.  If someone thinks it's rude, they don't have to come!

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    Hey girly, I'm so glad you asked this question. :) Sorry that  you got the negativism back. I myself was curious about the same thing. This is my second child, but my fiancee's 1st. I know his family's going to want to go all out and throw a baby shower.

    One of my best friend's is in the same situation and she's also have a baby shower as well. Anyways, I think it's whatever personally. ;)

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    "Sprinkles" are more common for second kids than showers. It's basically just smaller scale. Clothes and diapers vs. car seats and strollers. I've also been to a lot of "welcome to the world" parties for second kids.
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    trojastrojas member

    This. 

    I don't think your post was ridiculous and I was surprised by some of the harsh replies by other bumpies. I understand you wanting to have a shower to know what the experience is like.

    As you'll come to see, baby showers are a touchy subject around here.  

     


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    If someone is willing to throw you a baby shower, sit back & enjoy it! If your circle of family & friends arent caught up in old fashion "etiquette" I wouldn't worry about it. I've been to showers for multiple children & never once thought it was tacky. A baby shower is a time to celebrate your pregnancy w/ the ppl who love you, so do just that.

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    imagejrtmom:
    I was always taught you only have a shower for the first child and you never give yourself one.  I am curious though, what do you all think about multiple "first" showers?  I do not like the idea at all, but I already know that once I announce I am pregnant, I will have at least 3 people (not from the same group of family/friends) who will insist on throwing a shower.  I think this is kind tacky and I don't want to accept so many gifts but am not sure how to avoid it without hurting feelings.  Even if I say "no gifts", or "donate to this cause instead", I know they will still bring gifts. 

     

    I'm going to have 2 small showers - one is thrown by my mom and is out of town (all of my family is several states away). The other is thrown by a close friend around here. It's a little weird, but I think the people who would be invited to the showers are the same, so instead having one big shower, I have 2 little ones. 

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    imagemusic247:

    LOL...you're a new poster...but you will soon learn that ladies on The Bump can be very frank and unfriendly at times, even for the most simple questions you may have...

    My family celebrates each new life with a baby shower. It depends on the family/friend dynamic you have. While some ppl think it's taboo and don't want to buy you a gift because you already have a child...other's are excited about your birth and want to share by contributing...

    You'll learn how things go around here soon enough. It's sad...but this is my second child, and it's always been like that. LOL! Don't take it personal.

     ITA with this... Each family/friend circle is different. In my circle we celebrate every birth no matter how many kids they have had before. For me personally I am happy to buy a gift for the mother and child no matter what she has already. Its a celebration of a new life.

    That being said I think if one isnt offered you should def not suggest or request one. Maybe asking your mom or sister (if you are close) if someone was planning on one or not just so you know. Im close enough with my family that it wouldnt be taken offensively.  

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    imageorgnlmama:

    I personally have no problem with 2nd showers and would happily attend one.  I think a baby shower is getting ready to welcome a baby, not necessarily a mother (otherwise it would be called a Maternal Shower, like a bridal shower) and I there is nothing I like more than welcoming a new life.  However, it is beyond tacky to ask anyone to throw you ANY sort of shower, 1st, 2nd or 3rd.  It is also tacky to feel entitled to "getting to experience" a shower. 

     This. I've never heard of it being tacky to have a shower for a 2nd, 3rd, etc. child. I'd happily attend 7 for the same woman. I like to celebrate, and a new life coming into the world is a great thing to celebrate. I also would never throw myself one...or expect anyone else to. 

     

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