Trouble TTC
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trouble?

So, I have posted recently in here and got a few responses about how I was only able to actively have sex with my DH for about 6 months before his deployment and it made me react kind of sensitively because this really IS a struggle for me, especially after getting a diagnosis and having to go through the uncomfortable testing process, and now i have the emotional rollercoaster of clomid to look forward to.

After getting the responses I did, however, I felt the need to check in the board rules again about what 'trouble' was... and as it said, it means something different to everyone. I was really hoping to find somewhere that I could find people who understood what I was going through so that I could get support, because as much as he may try DH really is clueless, and all my friends seem to get pregnant with a *** sneeze (except the one who told me she got pregnant as soon as she 'gave up trying'). If the fact that my husband was gone half the year and we weren't able to actively be having sex for a full year(which, even before we were trying, has NEVER happened in the course of our relationship) is really going to make the people in this board offended by my being here I will leave, fine, but I want to know if that is really what is being said or am I being over sensitive on the issue?

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Re: trouble?

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    I'm going to go out on a limb here and refer you to the TTGP board.  It is a great support to many people who are actively trying to get pregnant.  Lurk here if you like... but don't be one of those people who comes on and says "oh woe is me... I've been trying for 6ish months and haven't gotten pregnant"

    If you read other peoples posts you will find that most of the posts are questions about drugs, jokes about how many times we've had vag-cams thrust up there, and laments about treatment.  If for some reason you have a diagnosis and are also going through that sort of treatment, then that's a different story.  Otherwise, while deployment may keep you from getting pregnant, it doesn't actually make you infertile - it just takes your eggs out of reach for your husbands sperm.  If that is your main issue, you might try the military families board. 

    I do think you are being a little overly sensitive.  If you had lurked on this board before you just decided that you were having trouble, you would realize that everyone here is under a doctor's care to get pregnant, not just getting busy in the bedroom.

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    imageFutureMrsTowns:

    ... this really IS a struggle for me, especially after getting a diagnosis and having to go through the uncomfortable testing process, and now i have the emotional rollercoaster of clomid to look forward to.

     

    how is that not clear that I AM under treatment?  I wouldn't be here if I weren't... I know 6 months isn't long, it's not the length of time I feel the need for support on, and I HAVE been lurking... it's the clomid and the HSG and anything else they might need to do if those don't work... it's the fact that I feel like it's my fault that I stopped ovulating b/c the doctors told me it may be due to a medication I was on... it's the same crap everyone else talks about.. like AF showing up for the first time in 5 months and possibly *** with my clomid cycle timing... or the fact that RE put me on birth control to put my cycle 'on hold' so we can do clomid when we wanted to and I think that's weird... so, to answer your question, no, I don't think that ttgp is what i'm looking for.

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    To be fair... you added all that stuff to your siggy after you posted.  Before your signature was just an inspirational quote.  And, if I remember the orginal post in question, you didn't put any information about the treatment that you are going through, just that you have been trying for about 6 months and that your DH was being deployed.  We can't read your mind and know that you are getting treatment. 

    And, I wouldn't knock TTGP.  I post on both.  I post more here, but look in on both everyday... 

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    I'm so sorry that people have said things that make you feel bad and unwelcome. I am pretty new to this board and not a very frequent poster so I don't really have a way of knowing if this is something you can expect on a regular basis or not. I did read your intro post but I did not read all the comments so I'm not sure exactly what was said, but from your post here I think I get the idea. When I read your intro it was clear to me that you were under a doctors care, so I'm not sure why that was confusing for anyone.  Even if you weren't under a doctors care it shouldn't matter- I realize that most people on this board are on/have been through rigorous testing, Ned's, procedures, etc. however, the board title is simply TTTC, not TTTCWMIUIOIVF(with Med's, iui, or ivf). As you said, "trouble" may have a different definition for everyone. Personally, your situation is kind of similar to mine. My husband is active duty army and, luckily, he is currently at a non deployable unit. The station is for 2 years and we are halfway through. We started trying soon before moving here, knowing that this is the best timing you could ever hope for in the military. Well, a year later I am still not pregnant and in the RE's office. I am about to have one more test and then my doc wants to start me on clomid, injections, and IUI...except the first cycle we can try that DH will be away training for a month. His sperm will be at fort Lewis while I'm in Massachusetts so it doesn't even matter, the cycle is wasted. This was probably the most frustrating realization for me in all of this- yes, infertility sucks. But not even being able to try? That sucks too. Infertility AND not being able to try? Well that just takes the cake. For us, if we aren't pregnant by August then there is no hope of us ever having a child near our families (this station is an hour from home) which means we get one shot after he gets back from training. Of course we want a child regardless and will continue trying past August, but that dream of perfect timing will be crushed...isn't that just like the military though? I think it's entirely unfair for anyone to say anything judgemental about your situation unless they have lived it themselves. To the ladies on the board, please don't take offense to this, just please let me explain a little. It's military spouses we move every few years and with that we have to reestablish medical care each time, in an unfamiliar location, with insurance that is not particularly friendly to the infertile. There may Or may not be an RE nearby, and we have to start all over with finding a pcp, being referred to an obgyn, and then an RE- if there are any. Our husbands deploy, go away for training, work early, work late, and there is NOTHING we can do about it. I know everyone here understands the feeling of not being able to do anything. But, despite feeling hopeless at times most of you are at least able to have sex. When your husband is owned by the military, so is his sperm- and of they want to deploy that sperm or otherwise send it away we can do nothing to stop it. Our infertility journey goes on hold, to wait even longer. Please, if you don't have something kind or supportive to say, do Loki your mother taught you and don't say anything at all. None of us have the right to decide if someone's trouble is trouble enough for them to have a right to this board. If someone is here for support- support them! Or don't, just please don't say anything to make things WORSE for them. Futuremrstowns, again, I am so sorry this board has not been helpful to you. I hope people can become more understanding, or that you find a board somewhere specifically for infertile mil spouses (which if you do, let me know!). I wish you the best of luck.
    TTC since June, 2011 with anovulatory PCOS, 1 blocked tube, and mild MFI
    3rd cycles clomid + Ovidrel = BFN
    4th cycles letrozole/Ovidrel + IUI = BFN
    IVF #1 = BFP! Twins due 2/5/2014
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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    amd1982amd1982 member

    My eyes are crossed looking at all that text. Hahaha.

    OP - here's the deal. In your original post, people weren't rude to you at all (at least IMO). I re-read the thread, and the last post I saw was kellyrn asking you how it was determined you are AO, and what your RE is saying is wrong, etc. Then you come back saying "don't question me about my diagnosis." Uhhh, ok. Well that's how we get to know you.

    Secondly, you bashed 3T on Military Families saying we're rude to you. And you actually received the same responses on that thread as well. Listen, IF sucks donkey balls. However you need to know that the majority of women on this board have been dealing with IF for 12 months+ or have received a diagnosis earlier but have been having sex with their husbands on a steady basis. We aren't questioning that you have an issue and are getting some help. But we're asking you what you've been doing to get to that diagnosis. It's unfortunate, but without your husband being nearby, you can't really classify yourself as having infertility yet. And that's a good thing!!!

    I just think TTGP might be a good board for you because there are women there who are on breaks (whether because their husbands are away, they are waiting for cysts to shrink, etc). You can lurk here, but what do you really have to add when your husband is away and you can't try? I'm not being mean, just pointing out the facts.

    Lastly, and I apologize this got verbose, but another thing you wrote in your initial post is how your husband doesn't want to talk about fertility treatments. That in itself should make you slow down...your husband has to be your biggest supporter. And if he's not on board now or even has the slightly doubt, you need to have some discussions with him way before you pursue any kind of treatment. The fact that you have to convince him on these things is very concerning to me, so I'd be 100% sure he's on board before starting down this road.

    TTC #1 Since January 2011 Dx: PCOS and Anovulatory April 2012 BFP! Beta 1 5/22 - 1,000+ Beta 2 5/24 - 3,009 1st u/s 6/5 - TWINS!!! A/S Reveals we are Team PURPLE!!! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image image image  12/27 - surprise BFP - due August 2014
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    amd1982amd1982 member
    haha thanks! although after i wrote it i was thinking "wow, mine was just as long!" LOL.
    TTC #1 Since January 2011 Dx: PCOS and Anovulatory April 2012 BFP! Beta 1 5/22 - 1,000+ Beta 2 5/24 - 3,009 1st u/s 6/5 - TWINS!!! A/S Reveals we are Team PURPLE!!! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image image image  12/27 - surprise BFP - due August 2014
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    I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time and are feeling so unsupported.  While I agree that there were some women on the board who were snarky with you there were also some who were very supportive and talked about their situations after going in for testing before the one year mark. 

    I think sometimes it may be hard to accept that other women are able to get in and get care after only 6 months when you've had to wait at least a year.  BUT, all of my cycles were normal so there was no reason for me to go in for early testing or to see a doctor.  Honestly, I have long been one of those women that felt like, it's only been 6 mos. you're just being impatient and you should wait like the rest of us.  But like some of the other posters pointed out, if you're only having a cycle every 5 or 6 months that is cause for concern.  While your husband's deployment is definitley an issue when it comes to your treatment, THAT's not why you should be here but your anovulatory cycles are.

    Good luck to you moving forward and I hope that you can find some support, it's a very difficult process to go through alone.  Maybe you can reach out in private messages to some of those women who shared that they had been there?  Or maybe with everything you post there will be some negative you can overlook and some positive you can use. 

    Unexplained infertility; TTC #1 for 5 years
    IUI #1; m/c;c/p 3/15/2012
    IUI #2: Clomid, ovidrel trigger, prometrium;4/5/12; BFFN; IUI #3, clomid and injects; Beta June 8th????
    imagePhotobucket
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    I re-read your original post, as well as your post on Military Families. 

    First, I want to say that, personally, I don't have any issue with you being here if you are in fact annovulatory. Yes, according to the "new to 3T" post, annovulatory cycles are a valid reason to be here. Since you have not been trying very long, though, you should expect to be questioned on your diagnosis and treatment. This is the only way people are going to understand your situation. Plenty of people come onto this board whining about their "trouble" when they are just being impatient. This is frustrating for many here, and if you are not clear about your diagnosis and you focus on your husband's deployment as the reason you belong here, people are going to focus on that as well. Like PP said, you belong here for your dx, not your status as military wife, and you did not discuss much about how you came to your dx.

    Having read through the original responses, I saw very few comments that were snarky. (Also, some of the rude comments came from you.) I also saw a lot of comments on the fact that your husband is not ready to have a baby, let alone go through fertility treatments. A valid suggestion was made about insurance, which you immediately responded to with sarcasm. Based off of your posts here and on MF, you appear to hear only what you want, and you respond childishly when someone says something you don't like. 

    Honestly, I don't know how you are going to go through the "emotional roller coaster of clomid" with a husband who thinks he might be able to "get over" the future birth of a baby and doesn't want to discuss fertility treatments. (Even though he has now decided he does want to know what is going on since the HSG hurt you so badly.) This is not an easy process. You need to be on the same page for this.

    So, to answer your question: I am not offended by your presence on this board, but I can't say I like your attitude. Yes, I think you are being overly sensitive, and I think you need to realize that the boards are not "instant support." We need to get to know you. You need to be somewhat approachable and friendly. If someone says something you don't like, discuss it rationally. Don't get all teenaged-drama on us, tell us how we don't understand, then go whine to another board about how mean we are. We are not being mean. We are being realistic, and most people are telling you what they think you need to hear.

    If you do plan on going through fertility treatments with a husband who isn't even sure he wants a baby, it is likely you will need all the support you can get. I would invite you to stick around, and try to be a little more friendly and less easily offended. Support is a two-way street. 

    4 IUIs: Bfn
    Antagonist IVF 7 retrieved, 4 fert w/ICSI&AH, 2 blasts transferred. Beta #1 9/20: 367 Beta #2 9/22: 841
    image image
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    I suppose I did get an attitude rather quickly and I apologize for that. I think it's just because this is rather sensitive for me. I face a lot of people IRL and otherwise that have decided that since I am young my problems are inconsequential. I also have been dealing with REs and all the tests ect for bout 6 months. I don't like to not be taken seriously, especially on something so sensitive. I realize we are past the age where all I am good for is making babies, but I do feel a bit like my self-worth is bruised because I'm broken.It may also have hurt a bit because deployments are really hard, and I felt I was essentially being told that not only did his deployment strip me of 6 months of opportunity to try, but also of the ability to get support from people who might understand.

    As far as concerns about my doctors, I am closely monitored, I was diagnosed after a series of blood work, and an ultrasound, I had an HSG, and have to have an ultrasound the first day of every clomid cycle. I also don't make a habit of going to message boards to question a doctor's diagnosis.

    The reason that I am saying that the ttgp board isn't what I'm looking for is because I would have liked to feel like I could ask questions about the fact that I was nauseous for three days after my HSG, or my paranoia about getting an infection since they had to take me off of antibiotics, i don't think that board would really have as many people who have any idea. Or looking forward to this clomid round, I don't know how that is going to effect me, and it'd be really great to not have to call my doctor every 5 minutes b/c I'm paranoid

    oh, and this isn't an IF board, it's a trouble trying board... I never said I was IF, I said I was having trouble..

    I know that my original post made it seem like my husband wasn't sure he wanted a baby, but since then I've discovered that was yet another downfall in communication due to the limits of electronic communication. My husband is completely on board, just with a healthy amount of fear(which I think is normal) and his mind doesn't do details well. I am the one in our household that takes care of bills, plans vacations, ect. I think he just didn't realize that the treatments would be a struggle for me and wanted me to just take care of it and let him know when it worked(much like he did for the wedding, he knew slightly more than our guests, and even forgot to print out his vows)... he's kinda clueless, but the minute I told him the HSG hurt, and that clomid would mess with my emotions, it's as if a lightbulb went off in his head (oh, this isn't EASY?).

     

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    I think that was a calm, well-thought out response with no attitude. :) Thank you.

    Again, I can't speak for everyone, but I think you fit this board fine if you are anovulatory and in treatment. I'm glad your husband is seemingly on board. As far as questioning doctors' advice (or even just discussing it,) on a message board, not all doctors do what they should be doing. Lots of doctors don't do mid cycle ultrasounds on clomid cycles, which can be dangerous. I think it is smart (and reassuring) to discuss your protocol, in case anything seems amiss and warrants further investigation.

    Stick around and ask your paranoid clomid questions! 

    4 IUIs: Bfn
    Antagonist IVF 7 retrieved, 4 fert w/ICSI&AH, 2 blasts transferred. Beta #1 9/20: 367 Beta #2 9/22: 841
    image image
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    Thank you
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    Holy flucking WALLS of text. FFS. IBD. cervix.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    P/SAIF Welcome
    Invisible Finish Line
    3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
    7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
    DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
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    ShaylizShayliz member
    I couldn't follow most of it, but you'd also be surprised at what you can get answers for on TTGP. Many of the posters here also post there and there are some who post there who are having trouble but aren't ready to move over here yet/choose to stick with just TTGP. 
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    yeah, I posted a question apparently too stupid for them, so I'm a bit skeptical ATM
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    ShaylizShayliz member

    imageFutureMrsTowns:
    yeah, I posted a question apparently too stupid for them, so I'm a bit skeptical ATM

    You sound like a peach.. 

    ________________________________________________________________________
    imageimageimage
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    imageShayliz:

    imageFutureMrsTowns:
    yeah, I posted a question apparently too stupid for them, so I'm a bit skeptical ATM

    You sound like a peach.. 

     

    not sure if that's sarcasm or if it means something I'm not aware of

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    imageFutureMrsTowns:
    imageShayliz:

    imageFutureMrsTowns:
    yeah, I posted a question apparently too stupid for them, so I'm a bit skeptical ATM

    You sound like a peach.. 

     

    not sure if that's sarcasm or if it means something I'm not aware of

    Sorry, the sarcasm font here is broken.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    P/SAIF Welcome
    Invisible Finish Line
    3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
    7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
    DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
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