daddy doesnt help out!

mandi12

question 1:

anyone else have a DH that hardly interacts w/ your LO? the only time DH interacts w/ DD is when he 1st comes home. he works from early in the morning to late at night so he hardly sees her as is. but he makes no efffort to bond with her or change a diaper or pick her up when she starts crying.... shes on solid food now and hes never fed her. as shes getting older and requiring more than just a boob every few hrs and a diaper change im starting to worry that hell never step up.

question 2:

i only have a part time job so im pretty much a SAHM. i feel like im not contributing as much as i should so i dont have the balls to demand that he does more. this includes helping around the house. getting a babysitter to pick up more hrs would be pointless cuz wed be spending pretty much everything i make to have someone watch her. i know the work set up we have now is the best way to do it.but i feel like im doing EVERYTHING and all he has to do is go to work! SAHMs and moms that work PT: what does your DH do around the house?

LloydDobler 71

1. Some men just aren't into the infant stage and are just really clueless. The bright side is that most will get better and more involved as the child gets older.

2. Nothing is going to change until you sit down and have a talk about how overwhelmed you are and be specific about what you'd like him to do to help out. Offer some compromises. "If you could come home and feed the baby, then get her ready for bed, I'll get dinner on the table and put her to bed once we are done eating." 

3. If he does start helping, don't criticize the way he does it. Let him figure it out and get his own method going.

Sunflower7777

LloydDobler 71:

1. Some men just aren't into the infant stage and are just really clueless. The bright side is that most will get better and more involved as the child gets older.

2. Nothing is going to change until you sit down and have a talk about how overwhelmed you are and be specific about what you'd like him to do to help out. Offer some compromises. "If you could come home and feed the baby, then get her ready for bed, I'll get dinner on the table and put her to bed once we are done eating." 

3. If he does start helping, don't criticize the way he does it. Let him figure it out and get his own method going.

 Good advice. It's hard finding the right balance as parents when the parenthood thing is still so new. I think it's important to try to talk to him about how you feel, early on, though. Like PP said, be specific about the help you need and don't criticize on however he comes through with it. Good luck! 

Onomatopoeia

1) Sometimes dads don't interact because they don't know how.  My DH was a lot like yours, and a big reason of that was that he felt like I could just do it all better. 

2) Have a talk with him, but don't lay on the mommy-martyr trip.  Ask him to do the bath every night as a chance for him to spend time with his daughter.  Ask him to pick up diapers on the way home (and don't say anything when he comes home with the wrong size).  Ask him to change her diaper. If she's crying and he's just standing there, ask him to pick her up while you get a bottle.  Ask him to feed her a new food one night.  Don't say it the minute he walks in the door, but these things are not chores.  They are part of being a parent.  Don't make it into a he works/you SAH issue. 

If your DH does work long hours, unfortunately most of the housework may logistically fall to you.  There's no reason he can't fold laundry while he's watching TV though, or take 20 minutes on a weekend to vacuum. The trick may be to find housekeeping solutions that make it easier, or hire someone to take care of some of it if at all financially possible.   

black.kat

mandi12:

question 1:

anyone else have a DH that hardly interacts w/ your LO? the only time DH interacts w/ DD is when he 1st comes home. he works from early in the morning to late at night so he hardly sees her as is. but he makes no efffort to bond with her or change a diaper or pick her up when she starts crying.... shes on solid food now and hes never fed her. as shes getting older and requiring more than just a boob every few hrs and a diaper change im starting to worry that hell never step up.

question 2:

i only have a part time job so im pretty much a SAHM. i feel like im not contributing as much as i should so i dont have the balls to demand that he does more. this includes helping around the house. getting a babysitter to pick up more hrs would be pointless cuz wed be spending pretty much everything i make to have someone watch her. i know the work set up we have now is the best way to do it.but i feel like im doing EVERYTHING and all he has to do is go to work! SAHMs and moms that work PT: what does your DH do around the house?

1:  My DH is super involved with our daughters - it is one of those things I expect from my husband.  He has always been hands-on from the start and a lot he had to learn, he had never even held an infant before we had our first.  He grew up without his father (he died in an accident before H was born) so H really knows what it is like to not have a dad and how that impacts a child.

2:  I stay-at-home, but my DH is very VERY helpful around the house.  We don't get into the whole "H works and I don't so I should do all of the work in the home". Yes, I feel that I should do more, because I am home more, not because I am the wife or because I don't bring "income" into our family.  Honestly, I think that way of thinking leads to disaster, because raising children and being there for your family is very very important, just as much as income, IMO.  It seems that you and your H need to have a discussion about this and be on the same page.

My friends seem to think that I have my H 'trained'.  No, I know who I married, so him helping out and being hands-on is not a surprise.  And No, he is not 'trained' we have expectations of one another and we hold them with respect toward one another and WE TALK about it... we aren't perfect, sure he can piss me off, and I can piss him off, but for the majority of the time we really are a great team.