Telling boss -- performance review

Luthy

Hey all,

Need some advice. I know generally people say "tell when you're ready to tell," and generally I agree with that. However, next Tuesday I'm having my annual performance review at work, and we're required to discuss projects for the next year and make plans for what we're going to be doing and what we want to accomplish, etc. At the next year's review, we go over what we said the year before and some of our review is based on how well we lived up to those plans.

 It seems like it would be a good time to tell him about being pregnant (after he does the review part, maybe ) because I don't want to make plans I know I won't be able to keep to, and I don't want to seem like I'm deliberately hiding it (once I do eventually tell him). Lending support to this is that I will have had an OB appointment the day before at which we'll hopefully get to hear the heartbeat again. So it seems like a good time to tell.

 I just don't want to. I'm afraid of his reaction (though I've been working here 2.5 years, I was promoted at the end of February and he's going to be furious I took the promotion, especially since there's nobody here who can do any of my job while I'm away) and I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to deal with if anything ends up going wrong. Part of me just wants to get it in the open so I can stop worrying about how he's going to react, but more of me just wants to enjoy his ignorance a little longer.

 Sigh. I know nobody can make the decisions for me, but... what would YOU do?

 

ETA: I'm the only librarian at a large community college. We're already hideously overworked and understaffed.

SummerOH

Your boss sounds like a piece of work.  I wouldn't tell him.  You didn't even know you were pregnant when you took the promotion - are you supposed to have ESP?  Sheesh!  There is absolutely no reason that you need to tell him right now.  You aren't that far along and can always use the 1st trimester fear as an excuse.  I think it's pretty standard for women to tell around 12 weeks, anyway, unless they're close with their bosses.  Think of it this way...you could theoretically make plans you can't keep even if you weren't pregnant.  What if you got pregnant in the month or two after the review, you know?  He is under no privilege to know the contents of your uterus at this point lol. 

4legsRbest

You are only required to give 30 days advanced notice for FMLA. FMLA on holds your equivalent employment grade and not your actual job, so there will be plenty of time to replace what you do and when you come back they will have other work for you. I am sure you are just feeling guilty because you feel loyalty, but they will figure it out - I only suggest that you do what you feel most comfortable with!

Jackquelyn

I disagree with the PP actually.  I think it would be best for you to tell him.  Yeah it might take him off guard, but he will have a good 7 months to find someone to replace you (and train them), whether it would be temporary or permanent.

Ask him what he would like you to focus on until maternity to make the time off easier for him.  Talk about how long you are planning to take for maternity leave.  Would it be easier to do # of full weeks off and then start doing one day a week to get some of the more important things done? 

There should be no reason that he would be upset about you accepting your promotion.  You were not pregnant at the time, and as you said, you are the only one that knows how to do your job, so there wasn't anyone else to take it. 

It will be okay.  And the earlier you tell, the less you have to worry about it.  When I put something off, I always kick myself for it later because I run myself through the ringer worrying about.  Good luck! 

NoeliaV

No no no. Do not tell them until *after* your performance review.

Yes, they legally cannot give you a bad review or hold raises due to your pregnancy, but good luck trying to prove that's what occurred.

Save yourself the headache and tell him after your review is in.

FWIW, I'm holding out until a huge project is completed at my job, partially based on forecasting my boss' reaction (i.e. a not good one).

JessAnnJ

You are not required to tell, but like you suggested I would personally feel awkward discussing plans for the year without telling. With that being said, sounds like it will be awkward no matter when you tell, but oh well for your boss because he will just have to deal with it. So the question I would ask myself is what will make me feel better in the long run. If not telling now will make you feel worse when you have to tell him later than I say tell during the review. If not telling now will make you happier overall because you won't have to deal with him knowing just yet then don't tell. Choose whatever causes the least amount of worry/stress/anxiety overall. 

ckkgb2001

I disagree with the others and think you should tell him.  Yes, they are right that you not required to etc... However, I agree with your point that if you make these plans etc. then it is like lying.  I agree with the one person who said it would give him 7 months to figure things out.  I also agree with the other who said tell him but wait til the end or at the appropriate time for you.  GL! Let us know what you decide to do!

Ace6050

This makes me sad. We bust our butts as women in our jobs, but we're still the only gender that can make the babies. Don't bend over backwards for your boss because he's going to be "inconvenienced" for a couple months. Would your maternity leave seriously make the whole place come crashing down? I doubt it. If it did, maybe he shouldn't be the one running the business!

My husband is very supportive, but I was stunned when he thought my upcoming promotion/raise would be compromised if I was pregnant. Give me a break! I still deserve every penny of that raise despite the fact that I'll be giving birth and on an 8 week leave in 9 months. 

Your choices should be supported. And you deserve to keep your job, earn the raise, and win the promotion because of your work efforts. Maternity leaves are 2 months, not 2 years. It'll go by quickly, and your boss will survive.

 

buttercup712

If you phrase it as "great news!" could that have an impact on his response? I think a lot of us get worked up that our bosses will be mad, but honestly, what can they really be mad about?  This is the way life works. I'm actually taking the opportunity of a private monthly catch up meeting to tell my boss. I figure that will be much less awkward than asking to have a private meeting with him at another time. It's going to mean I'm telling him early, at 9 weeks, but I'm going to ask that we keep it quiet for the rest of the staff until a few weeks later.

 

I also feel terrible about my due date, and I will have to try to make a joke out of that so he doesn't kill me. January to March is when we do the bulk of our work, and that's when I will be out. December is my husband's busiest time, so this will be tough for him, too. But one thing I remembered is that we have all the other years of our lives to be at work during those busy times. One year isn't going to kill anyone.

m21megs

NoeliaV:

No no no. Do not tell them until *after* your performance review.

Yes, they legally cannot give you a bad review or hold raises due to your pregnancy, but good luck trying to prove that's what occurred.

Save yourself the headache and tell him after your review is in.

FWIW, I'm holding out until a huge project is completed at my job, partially based on forecasting my boss' reaction (i.e. a not good one).

 

This!! 100% 

jsoubel

There is no advantage in telling him before your review and you set your performance goals.  They cannot legally hold your pregnancy against you when evaluating whether you met the established goals.  Wise employers know that retaining great employees (which you obviously are based on your recent promotion) despite a small absence (maternity leave) is worth the time and money they have spent training you.  I recommend googling "US pregnancy rights working women", and reading up on your rights to help you make an informed decision.

And best wishes!  I'm living with massive uncertainty about my job, too, and anxiety about telling my boss.