If one more person makes a comment about my choice for a natural birth...

Sage4200

Im so sick of people making comments and critisizing my decision for a natural birth.  Why do they care? I would never ask someone's birth plan and I certainly wouldnt judge them no matter what.

Anyone else getting snarky know it all comments? 

 

starrysmile18

Ooooh! Me! I can totally relate. This is my first, and I am determined to go all natural. Ppl look at me like I'm cray-cray! But you know what it's our desicion! They don't have to go through it, When they say, oh  that hurts, I would NEVER!  I just say, "I'm strong, and I know what I can handle, Thanks!"

It's like if I don't ask you for your opinion, don't give it, Mmmmmkay, pumpkin!?  lol if only... ppl seem like to give thier 2 cents, wanted or not!

DeerHunter79

I think it is crazy that people even care how a person decides to give birth! 

Brie2010

Why are you even telling them?

Nobody's asked me, but if anyone asks me what my "birth plan" is, my response will be "come home with a healthy baby" or "go with the flow" or something equally noncommittal.  No need to share the nitty gritty details.

blindvictory

Yep. People will start gushing to me about how great their epidural was, and when they find out I'm not planning to have one, they look at me like I've grown an extra eyeball. Either that, or they smirk and give me a condescending, "Oh, sweetie, trust me, you'll ask for drugs." I've had a few be like, "Yeah, I said I was going natural too but then I got in there and the contractions hurt, so I got the epi." Well, ok, that's fine if that was what worked best for you, but that DOESN'T MEAN I'LL DO THE SAME THING. I've been dedicated to non-medicated birth for a long, long time. I got through my miscarriage with no drugs, and that was some incredibly severe pain. I'm sure contractions will be worse, but there's simply no reason to be condescending to me. Let me try it my way. Plenty of women go non-medicated and are just fine.

ETA: changed wording from "natural" to "non-medicated" to better reflect what I'm going for.  

KarBear

I agree with Brie...just don't tell them. 

skyejo

Yup, got it all the time with DD.  It's like if they/their friend/their mom/whoever needed an epi than everyone does.  It was definitely annoying but after I went med-free and was able to tell people when they asked it was sort of funny to see the shocked look on their faces. 

This time when people ask if I'm going med-free again and I tell them yes I don't get any rude comments.  I guess since I've done it once I'm believable now?

mlf625

I got those comments when I had a scheduled c-sec with DS.  I learned that the more confident I was in my response, the less people felt it was open for discussion.  "I'm having a c-section. It's what's best for me, best for my baby, and I'm very happy with the decision!"  

brideandbreve

Brie2010:

Why are you even telling them?

Nobody's asked me, but if anyone asks me what my "birth plan" is, my response will be "come home with a healthy baby" or "go with the flow" or something equally noncommittal.  No need to share the nitty gritty details.

I agree.

This is probably the best way to avoid listening to everyone's $0.02 on the matter.

moonstone523

Nope.  No comments at all... yet. 

CrazyLife3

I agree with the previous poster, why tell people? I didn't even tell people after I actually did it. It is no ones business, unless that is you are looking for positive affirmation, then the general public is not the place to look.

INmommy871278

I haven't had any comments but we haven't told anyone our plans and no one has asked.  DH and I discussed what I wanted and DH told me it is up to me.  The only person I have discussed birthing plans with other than DH is my good friend who is due at the beginning of June just as a topic of discussion since we are both having our first babies.  I am planning to go natural with not medication but I realize all l&d is different so I am going to play it by ear.  If someone where to ask I would say I am playing it by ear and will go from the start of labor.

lollypop1989

I had a fried who asked me about a month ago if I was going natural. I said I was going to definitely try, and she said "You're retarded if you think you can do it without drugs!"

At first I was just in shock that she would be so rude to me. Then I quickly got over it and I told her, "Look, it's my decision. Not yours. This is my baby. Not yours. I will do what I think is best for my child. You do what you think is best for yours."

Or something along those lines. lol.

Blackrose1918

I'm not telling many people because I'm afraid of that reaction and the negativity and discouraging remarks. The more I think about it, the more I want to go natural. The thing is, even though people don't know (other than my mom and my bffs) ther's still some telling me "whatever you do, don't go natural!!" one of them being my  FIL. I can only imagine how ridiculous it would get if I made my wishes known. Why do men, other than our DH/partners, think they have any say in this. Heck, why do people that aren't involved think that we need their grossly unsolicited advice? Yeah, I'm a FTM. What of it? I'm from a huge family and was very active in helping with my neaices and nephews. The only new part is it'll be MY DS and I've never been present for a birth.

 BTW, sorry that was kind of a rant lol.

mlf625

lollypop1989:

"You're retarded if you think you can do it without drugs!"

WHAT IS IT WITH THAT WORD TODAY?

Just FYI, it is never never never okay to use that word in a derogatory manner.  To do so makes you appear ignorant. I can't believe anyone still says that and thinks it's okay.

HRP22

Oh yes.

"Why would you do that?"

"Well, you'll change your mind"

 

Add to the fact that I"m having a home birth and it's just to the point I'm about ready to lie to people just so I don't have to have the conversation.

 

willflu

I got those types of responses when I said I planned on nursing. Friends and family would say "well you can try but it won't work, it's really hard" or "it's too much work you'll just go to formula" and I would just respond that maybe I will but I am first going to give this the best try that I can. In all honesty, all of those comments just fueled the fire for me. I was more determined than ever. Every time I thought of giving up I thought of those comments and decided I was strong enough to get through this. So use all of these negative comments to push you further to reach your goal, to prove them wrong!

alice2Bcheshire

I'd either get used to people's critical comments or learn to keep your med-free birth plan to yourself. I managed to do the former-- eventually I just let everyone's negativity roll off my back.

This skill came in handy when even my (mother of four) L&D nurse was skeptical-- afterwards she said that in her experience, the vast majority of laboring women who try to deliver without an epi end up getting one in the end.

BakerMommy

My response? "We'll see." Smile sweetly, change subject.

elinatorres

I loved this response! I will use it! 

 

I had a family member say, "Please, don't tell me you are one of those brave moms that thinks they can handle it all naturally 'cause you can't!"

 

I was like WTF do you know what I can or can't handle? Some family members think they can cross boundaries like that. love, looove, LOVED this response.  

Em7

Let me tell you how much love having this conversation with people...

The first time around I told everyone that I wanted natural but would go with the flow. My mom went on and on about how at the hospital where she did her OB clinical they encouraged women to "not be heroes" and to just take the epidural because "labor is hard". Well no *** Sherlock. I did it naturally. All of the nurses came to watch my daughter being born because unmedicated births are so rare there. Mom and my aunt were stunned. Mom used it to compete with my other aunt who's daughter just had a baby because she did have an epidural (that's another topic I could rage about). Awesome. 

This time no one even bothers to ask. It's like a previous poster said. Now that I have done it I am more "believable". Annoying. 

My (maybe) choice to have a home birth is the decision that i'm sure will spark debate. I'll probably just keep that to myself. 

MichelenDave06

Coming from the other side of this, I will be having an EPI, but would never discourage anyone from going natural.  I have had 2 friends now that planned to go natural, and I was supportive and said good for them.  They wind up both having c-sections, but hung in there.  I think you are strong for going in there with that plan, and people suck by discouraging it.  I agree with not telling anyone going forward.  If they ask, just say you're not sure yet and that's it.  But, power to you!  Go for it!

anyalee

My clients at work (I do hair) ask me all the time. And then they tell me I'm crazy. I have to just be polite when most the time I want to tell them to shut up!

 

lollypop1989

anitalynn:

mlf625:

lollypop1989:

"You're retarded if you think you can do it without drugs!"

WHAT IS IT WITH THAT WORD TODAY?

Just FYI, it is never never never okay to use that word in a derogatory manner.  To do so makes you appear ignorant. I can't believe anyone still says that and thinks it's okay.

 

 

THANK YOU! 

The R word is never, ever ok. What is wrong with people!?!

I agree! I hate that word and I have told her so, many times. It hits home. I have a mentally challenged little brother. I can't stand ignorant people.