guests that can't afford baby shower gift? — The Bump
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guests that can't afford baby shower gift?

So I have already purchased all of what I need for baby....my shower is in 2 weeks and is hosted by my a friend...she invited 2 of my close friends from childhood and they both are stay at home moms. The host basically told me that they both want to come to the shower but cannot afford a gift. I told the host that it didn't matter to me, if they brought a gift or not, they could still come, my host was really annoyed at them because she feels that it defeats the purpose of a shower. My host feels like these 2 women are selfish and rude (she feels they could have put in the effort to make something or get something that isnt expensive, since these 2 women are considered my close friends.) I can see her point...My shower date is scheduled really late...37 weeks into my pregnancy. I purchased everything on my own, so I think this is moot point...what do you all think?

Re: guests that can't afford baby shower gift?

  • MelleTXMelleTX member
    Third Anniversary 5 Love Its

    I think your host is overreacting... alot. While a shower is a gift giving event, gifts are not the cover charge for admission into the party. Whether they attend or not, you are not getting a gift from them so she needs to let it go.

    Personally, I would not go to a shower without a gift. If I could not afford something small or a hand-me-down,  I would politely decline and send a heartfelt card after the baby was born. 

    However, if they wish to come and celebrate with you, it should make no difference if they bring a gift. No one is checking off a list during the gift opening portion to make sure everyone was accounted for.

    Enjoy their company, be thankful they attended to celebrate with you and tell your host to get over it.  

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  • Ditto Melle.  I don't understand why your hostess is SO invested in this. 
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  • Um...I think those two friends are making excuses for not getting their rear in gear and getting something (anything) for you for your shower.  If they really can't afford a small gift (you can find things for $2-3 most places) they should not be coming to your shower.  I'm always irritated when someone tells me they "can't afford something" whether that is to donate to a cause or whatever, but yet they can still afford their cigarettes or fast food!  That truly might not be the case with your friends...but it is hard to believe they can't afford a couple of dollars.  Seriously?

    BTW...your friend is correct...that is the point to a shower (to give gifts to the FTM).

    I didn't read any of the other posts and am guessing I'm in the minority but that is my opinion.  I've been poor before (relatively speaking).  My DH was in college full-time, no student loans, no financial aid, no scholarships, and even though both of us were working (he working part-time) we literally had $20 for groceries each week.  There is no way I would have gone to a shower without bringing a gift...even if it was a $1 book and a hand-made gift certificate for free babysitting for a few hours.

  • Maybe they should consider getting jobs instead of SAH?  

     

    just kidding. I mean, its really NBD, and its none of your host's business at all.  I personally wouldn't show up without a gift, but everyone is different. I mean I think if they REALLY wanted to get you something they could have gone in on a pack of diapers together?? Regardless, your host needs to just kind of get over it. 

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  • It is kind of weird that both of them feel they can't afford it (especially if they know each other and could go in together to buy something), but if you want them to come I don't think the gift should matter.  Did you register for some inexpensive items?  
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  • Yeah, it's weird to come to a shower without a gift, but I don't think I'd bother getting all upset about it. I do think that anyone over the age of about 2 can get it together to make or buy you something with whatever limited resources they have, which makes me  wonder if these 2 chicks thought they were being invited just for a gift and are kind of taking a passive-aggressive stand? You know your relationship better than me, but if they are childhood friends that you don't see much anymore, they might be side-eyeing the invite, you know?

    Apart from that possibility, I had a close girlfriend (who happened to be 21, a lot younger than me) who didn't bring a gift to my wedding shower and when some of our other girlfriends gave her a hard time about it she was like "Dude! I wanted to save my money for the bachelorette party!" which just seemed kind of funny and cute to me, and I really wasn't offended by the lack of gift.

  • One of my close friends lost her job, so she bedazzled some baby spoons and that was my baby shower gift, and I loved it! It was very sweet and thoughtful.

    I understand where you are coming from, you would rather have your friends there than a gift. But these ladies could have made some effort. You can even get a cute onesie for $5.00

    Bottom line, if you want them there, have them there!
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  • The Host can't turn people away because they can't afford a gift---it is not a cover charge. Lots os people are currently BROKE and unemployed. If they are friends and want to come see you, your host can't be petty and say no...it is still YOUR shower.


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  • drbethcdrbethc member
    250 Answers 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its

    Thanks for all of your responses...Just to clarify,  my host is also a childhood friend. All of us, including the 2 that can't afford gifts grew up together, so that's why they felt comfortable telling the host they can't afford a gift. My host is basically irritated because these two friends are always asking for handouts from others and have no etiquette. When these 2 friends had their shower, they asked specifically for their guests to give them gift cards. (That's the reason I can see my host's irritation.) And for the question about my registry...I didn't even create one. 

    Anyway, for me the bottom line is I can see where my host is coming from, and at the same time it doesn't matter to me if they bring a gift or not...My DH feels the same way as my host...:( 

  • CortsCorts member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Close friends? You are 34 weeks pregnant and they couldn't manage to even save a dollar a week to get you something for your shower. Sounds very strange. Is it really about the money?
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  • Before getting worked up about it (not saying that you are, but it sounds like your hostess and DH might be), maybe wait and see if they come with a gift. All of this information came from your hostess right? Remember playing the "telephone" game in grade school? You might not be getting all of the facts/acurate information.

    Give your two friends a chance and see what happens. If anything, it's your party and you should be able to enjoy their company even if that's all they are able to bring.  

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  • drbethcdrbethc member
    250 Answers 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its

    image Corts:
    Close friends? You are 34 weeks pregnant and they couldn't manage to even save a dollar a week to get you something for your shower. Sounds very strange. Is it really about the money?

     

    I would think the same, if I didn't know better...They were both in my wedding party and were the maid of honors. I gave the bridal party presents and they were the only 2 that did not give me a wedding gift...I did not take it personally..My dh had opinions even back then...Honestly, I believe that this is just the way they are because they know or think that I won't mind if they didn't bring me anything.  Also, I know this isn't about me because this has happened in other events as well that have nothing to do with me...

    My hostess believes that they behave as their entitled and has been really annoyed by their behavior lately, and feels enough is enough. 

  • KarmBKarmB member
    5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Third Anniversary

    dollar stroe books are nice.

    But seriously, Im poor and i'd grab something there if i couldnt d anything else, but jeez....

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  • CortsCorts member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    image drbethc:

    image Corts:
    Close friends? You are 34 weeks pregnant and they couldn't manage to even save a dollar a week to get you something for your shower. Sounds very strange. Is it really about the money?

     

    I would think the same, if I didn't know better...They were both in my wedding party and were the maid of honors. I gave the bridal party presents and they were the only 2 that did not give me a wedding gift...I did not take it personally..My dh had opinions even back then...Honestly, I believe that this is just the way they are because they know or think that I won't mind if they didn't bring me anything.  Also, I know this isn't about me because this has happened in other events as well that have nothing to do with me...

    My hostess believes that they behave as their entitled and has been really annoyed by their behavior lately, and feels enough is enough. 

    Yanno, this reminds me of my very own sister dear who panicks every Mothers Day because she "cannot afford anything" for mom and makes me sign her name on my card.....as if she didn't have 364 days notice each year to prepare. I just chalk it up to self-centernedness. And she is a 32 year old with a masters degree. It's irritating, for sure.

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  • I don't know why the hostess is so invested in this, but I think coming to a baby shower without a gift is tacky. You can get a cute little outfit at Wal-Mart for 5-10 bucks and people should do that instead of coming giftless. You don't have to buy a 200 dollar gift!

     

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  • I wouldn't even go to a shower if I couldn't afford a gift.  I personally think it's tacky and rude, especially since you went to both of their showers and gave them gifts.  I know it shouldn't be about that specifically, but there's no reason they couldn't get you a little something, or give you something homemade, or even take you to a nice lunch or something to celebrate you and your baby.

    It sounds like these 2 girls are sort of tacky, so from the information provided, if I were you I wouldn't have even been surprised that they couldn't afford a gift in the first place. 

     


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  • It's none of your hostess's business, IMO. She needs to butt out and act graciously.

    ETA- And I"m not saying I don't think it is really weird that your friends truly cannot afford a gift. A package of onesies doesn't cost much. Neither do little things you can make yourself. 

    But it's not your hostess's role to get mad about it. She can seethe quietly though because I sure as hell would. 

     

  • I agree with previous posters...while no gift is required it's odd they couldn't think of anything being such close friends. Baked goods are always an option. I'd be a tad annoyed because this happened to me in my wedding another couple who were in our wedding so pretty good friends (who just got married right before and we gave $150 too) had no money for our gift. Yet the motorcycle and trip to vegas after I guess was free for them? You can't dictate how people spend their money but it just shows where their priorities are Indifferent
  • drbethcdrbethc member
    250 Answers 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    image MarisaKathleen:

    I wouldn't even go to a shower if I couldn't afford a gift.  I personally think it's tacky and rude, especially since you went to both of their showers and gave them gifts.  I know it shouldn't be about that specifically, but there's no reason they couldn't get you a little something, or give you something homemade, or even take you to a nice lunch or something to celebrate you and your baby.

    It sounds like these 2 girls are sort of tacky, so from the information provided, if I were you I wouldn't have even been surprised that they couldn't afford a gift in the first place. 

     

    I guess thats why it didn't bother me so much when my hostess told me...It really isn't a surprise to me. Again though, my hostess' problem really is that she is angry at them for continuing to do what they do... 

  • Your host is rude, I would be embarrassed if my shower host acted like a c_nt towards my guests.  So they can't or don't want to bring a gift....who cares!  Being a guest does not mean they are obligated to buy you anything.  Shlt like this annoys me, showers are more than just receiving presents, it's sad when that small detail is forgotten.
  • I was laid off several years ago and was in a terrible financial situation and went to a close friends baby shower. She knew my situation and insisted I come. I felt welcomed, and I made sure I made up for the lack of gift as soon as I could with a great one... along with some babysitting. 
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  • I think that your hostess is making this a bigger deal than it should be... but I also think that there are plenty of $5 and cheaper items in BRU / target/ the dollar store that are totally acceptable. They're coming and enjoying the party someone else is footing the bill for, so the least they can do is bring something small, hell even a USED baby book that looks new! I think it's tacky that they've put you in this situation & you even have to deal with this mess!
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  • I know I'm in the minority here but I think the comments about 'they should be able to afford something' are a little ridiculous.  You don't know these women's situations and as someone who is rigidly budgeted, if finances are their reason I can understand that.  I would personally feel uncomfortable showing up to a shower empty handed, but I think it's greedy to assume that everyone that comes to a shower must bring a gift.  I know it's a shower and that's the purpose but I think it's just as much about sharing time with people you love to celebrate the new little stranger coming into your life.

  • Wow, nutty.

    While I agree that they should still be welcome to attend, I don't understand the whole "can't afford to buy a gift" thing... my bff CAN afford to buy a gift but is making something for the baby instead, which is (in my opinion) awesome.

    I would be mortified to tell the host that I could not afford a gift.  JMO.

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  • I just hosted a shower for a friend that didn't want anyone deterred from coming due to lack of funds for a gift. Per her wishes I included a card in with the invite that stated where she was registered, that she also would love 2nd hand gifts, and that above all "your presence is your present". I thought it was so sweet of her to think of her friends situations and had no problem respecting her wishes.
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