Parenting

Any office-turned-stay-at-home moms have a hard time with the transition?

When my son was 2 months old, I returned to work and had an easier transition than expected. I felt like a heartless mom when I realized I didn't miss my son that much while I was at work, and didn't always think to check in with the friend who was watching him. When I was at work, I enjoyed being there. But when I was home with him at night, I wanted more time. With the long workdays and my son's early bedtime, I only had about an hour with him at night. I knew something had to change.

My employer wasn't OK with me going part-time, so when a part-time freelance gig came my way, I quit my job and took the freelance thing. Quitting my job was incredibly difficult. I was at this job for almost six years, loved my co-workers, and really felt fulfilled by my work and the cause of the organization. I'm two weeks into being a stay-at-home mom (with little freelance work for now) and am having a really hard time. I don't feel fulfilled and I wonder if it's just because I'm in transition and need to still establish a routine. I love my son, and he's super chill and easy to care for - but I feel like staying at home with him is not enough for me.

It's hard for me to talk to other moms about this because they either knew right away that they wanted to quit their jobs and stay home with their kids OR are still working. Have any of you been in my shoes and, if so, I would love some encouragement and advice. I'm having a hard time.

Sorry for the long post... 

Re: Any office-turned-stay-at-home moms have a hard time with the transition?

  • For me, having a social support of other SAHM's is critical.  I became a SAHM when Alex was 18 mo and the transition initially was easy.  DH works shift work and not a M-F job, so having flexability allowed us more time with him.

    We moved from KS to ND in the fall and I had my first winter as a SAHM in ND where you can't get outside in the winter - and I had Taylor about that time.  Those months were really, really tough!

    I understand the need to work, have outside adult time.  For me, I mostly do things with the kids - but having friends with kids the same age to occupy my kids, is a huge lifesaver to my sanity!

  • I became a SAHM when DS was born, but I stopped working at 33 weeks because I was put on bedrest. I think that 7 weeks at home before he was born gave me the opportunity to mourn the loss of my job that I really loved. (I quit because after daycare costs I would only be making about $100 a week) By the time I had him, I was already used to being home. 

    I think it is important to 1) maintain some sort of social life, especially with other SAHMs who understand what you are going through, and 2) get a daily routine similar to when you were working. It makes a huge difference in how productive I feel when I get up in the morning, get dressed, and stay busy rather than sleeping in or staying in my pjs and messy hair all day. Sure that is nice every once in awhile, but I start having guilt about my lack of activity if it happens too often. Think of it as not just an obligation, but as your job. 

    Good Luck, and it will get easier. And you can always vent here!

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  • nic326nic326 member
    Yep. While I am thankful we were able to have me SAH and keep the kids out of daycare, I plan on getting a job when they both are in school. 
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  • I work p/t and it can be hard flipping between my work life and my SAH life.

    I strongly agree that you need to find a group of SAHMs to hang with. I found mine on meetup.com, but it took me about 4 tries before I found a group I clicked with - not all SAHMs are the same! One group I joined, all the moms were in their early 20s (nothing wrong with that, but I was one of the oldest women there in my mid 30s) and most had never had a post-college job. They were just really passive, old-fashioned women in general and drove me insane. There wasn't anything in their group description that explained who they were, it was just that like attracts like and the ones who stayed seemed to have that in common. Anyways, just keep trying.

    It also helps if you have a good routine to occupy your days - I always tried to get out every day when DD was little. So library storytime once a week, a playdate or two, grocery store on Tuesdays, and the park if there's not other errands to run.

    The former jen5/03.

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  • It's possible that being a SAHM just isn't your cup of tea, so if you try it for a while and find you're miserable, I'd look into getting another job- possibly one with more flexibility. But, I agree with what others have said about having a routine- we're up and out by 9am everyday, and have things going on throughout the week. I set goals for myself that having nothing to do with the kids- in my pre-kid life I did a lot of road races and triathlons, and getting back into that scene has been great for me and a big sanity saver. I worked as a writer and editor prior to having kids, and have set some writing goals for myself, starting when DS begins preschool in the fall. It took me a long time to connect with a good group of SAHMs, but I've become really good friends with some of the other moms from DD's preschool class and we hang out together a lot, which is great. Good luck!
    Nadia Irene 8/13/07 Reid Owen 8/18/09
  • I have both, worked full time and stayed at home with my kids, so I can relate to both sides.  I completely agree with what everyone else is saying about finding some connections and keeping yourself busy.  However, my other suggestion would try and find part-time work, even if it's not exactly what you want to do.  I work part-time in a school system right now and I alternate between working 2 or 3 days per week, plus the summer and school vacations off.  As much as I feel like I am always running around, I love the balance.  I am able to spend a good amount of time home with my girls and be my own person.  Give yourself some time as you are going through a big adjustment and I am sure you will figure out what works best for you and your family.
  • You have been home for 2 weeks.  I would try to re-establish your life.  It is different.  When I worked, I had a set schedule every day.  I did not have flexibility.  I was important and told that on a regular basis.  I have found contentment in doing things for my children, volunteering, and making, and helping out friends and relatives.  Working is not much of an option for me.  I could make a good deal of money, but it would not improve our quality of life, we have a nice house, plenty of savings, ect.,  and we would have little time together if I worked.  I enjoy my life more, meet much more interesting people, from all walks of life.  I have friends who excelled in their varied careers and are interesting, much more so than working in my previous career.  I work hard to make our life enjoyable, all of our lives.  If I were you, and I was, I would get out and make the most of the opportunities you have been given.   
  • I used to be a working mom.  I went through the same thing as you.  I had my daughter got 1 year mat leave, loved it, went back to work, had my daughter in daycare, found out I was pregnant again... anyway my husband graduated the following year, we moved to Texas.  I have had to adjust from having help all over to no one at all.  I found it hard because I was not used to my daughter to myself all day and I found just my 6 month old son to be more than enough.  

     I dream about going back to work, I dream about getting away just to sleep.  I wish I could have more time for me and regain my identity as a woman and not just a mom or a wife.  

     Anyway yeah I feel your pain.  I can totally relate. 

    Cyndie Loud Kids, Tired Mom http://loudkidstiredmom.blogspot.com/
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