When my son was 2 months old, I returned to work and had an easier transition than expected. I felt like a heartless mom when I realized I didn't miss my son that much while I was at work, and didn't always think to check in with the friend who was watching him. When I was at work, I enjoyed being there. But when I was home with him at night, I wanted more time. With the long workdays and my son's early bedtime, I only had about an hour with him at night. I knew something had to change.
My employer wasn't OK with me going part-time, so when a part-time freelance gig came my way, I quit my job and took the freelance thing. Quitting my job was incredibly difficult. I was at this job for almost six years, loved my co-workers, and really felt fulfilled by my work and the cause of the organization. I'm two weeks into being a stay-at-home mom (with little freelance work for now) and am having a really hard time. I don't feel fulfilled and I wonder if it's just because I'm in transition and need to still establish a routine. I love my son, and he's super chill and easy to care for - but I feel like staying at home with him is not enough for me.
It's hard for me to talk to other moms about this because they either knew right away that they wanted to quit their jobs and stay home with their kids OR are still working. Have any of you been in my shoes and, if so, I would love some encouragement and advice. I'm having a hard time.
Sorry for the long post...
Re: Any office-turned-stay-at-home moms have a hard time with the transition?
For me, having a social support of other SAHM's is critical. I became a SAHM when Alex was 18 mo and the transition initially was easy. DH works shift work and not a M-F job, so having flexability allowed us more time with him.
We moved from KS to ND in the fall and I had my first winter as a SAHM in ND where you can't get outside in the winter - and I had Taylor about that time. Those months were really, really tough!
I understand the need to work, have outside adult time. For me, I mostly do things with the kids - but having friends with kids the same age to occupy my kids, is a huge lifesaver to my sanity!
I became a SAHM when DS was born, but I stopped working at 33 weeks because I was put on bedrest. I think that 7 weeks at home before he was born gave me the opportunity to mourn the loss of my job that I really loved. (I quit because after daycare costs I would only be making about $100 a week) By the time I had him, I was already used to being home.
I think it is important to 1) maintain some sort of social life, especially with other SAHMs who understand what you are going through, and 2) get a daily routine similar to when you were working. It makes a huge difference in how productive I feel when I get up in the morning, get dressed, and stay busy rather than sleeping in or staying in my pjs and messy hair all day. Sure that is nice every once in awhile, but I start having guilt about my lack of activity if it happens too often. Think of it as not just an obligation, but as your job.
Good Luck, and it will get easier. And you can always vent here!
Cole Joseph 7/05/07
Nora Anne 11/03/12
9lbs, 6oz
I work p/t and it can be hard flipping between my work life and my SAH life.
I strongly agree that you need to find a group of SAHMs to hang with. I found mine on meetup.com, but it took me about 4 tries before I found a group I clicked with - not all SAHMs are the same! One group I joined, all the moms were in their early 20s (nothing wrong with that, but I was one of the oldest women there in my mid 30s) and most had never had a post-college job. They were just really passive, old-fashioned women in general and drove me insane. There wasn't anything in their group description that explained who they were, it was just that like attracts like and the ones who stayed seemed to have that in common. Anyways, just keep trying.
It also helps if you have a good routine to occupy your days - I always tried to get out every day when DD was little. So library storytime once a week, a playdate or two, grocery store on Tuesdays, and the park if there's not other errands to run.
I used to be a working mom. I went through the same thing as you. I had my daughter got 1 year mat leave, loved it, went back to work, had my daughter in daycare, found out I was pregnant again... anyway my husband graduated the following year, we moved to Texas. I have had to adjust from having help all over to no one at all. I found it hard because I was not used to my daughter to myself all day and I found just my 6 month old son to be more than enough.
I dream about going back to work, I dream about getting away just to sleep. I wish I could have more time for me and regain my identity as a woman and not just a mom or a wife.
Anyway yeah I feel your pain. I can totally relate.