Changing opinions

ArcadianDreams

On Monday my little guy will be six months old, and I will be facing a dilemma. My goal was to BF for six months, as the minimum recommended AAP timeframe. Which means I made my goal, which I am really proud of!!

But, it also seems to mean that a lot of people expect that I am going to wean him now. I'm sure that is partially my fault because when people used to ask if we were still nursing, I'd say "Yes, my goal is to go for six months". And when he was born, six months seemed like forever and I thought how ecstatic I would be to make it that far. The closer it got though, the more I kept thinking how I am really not ready to give it up. Sure, it would be *amazing* to have a lunch break at work again. But then I think about how he still wakes up at night to nurse, and how we nurse all weekend, and I think how much less pleasant those times would be if I had to take the time to heat up a bottle instead of just cuddling up with him. Plus the biological benefits...initially I was under the impression that the greatest benefits occurred in the first six months, and after the baby passed a year there really wasn't a point except for the psychological bonding factor. Lately I have been doing some reading on the benefits of extended breastfeeding and have realized that isn't the case at all. And to put it short, I think I now *want* to continue nursing as long as he wants to, even though that means I have to continue pumping like a crazy person at work. (Or maybe I will reevaluate again at a year, but I'm definitely happy to continue for now).

There really isn't a point of needing advice here, although I am kind of dreading knowing I will get some big side-eyes the longer we continue. From the family and the world at large, but particularly from my DH. I hate admitting it but he was never a giant supporter of BFing, no matter how many times I explained the reasoning. He was raised on formula and is in the "formula is fine" camp, and thinks I am making things harder on myself than they need to be. The best I can say is that he has humored me and didn't try to stop me doing it, even though he didn't get it. But I'm pretty sure he expects that by the end of the next month or two, the baby will be weaned. And I kind of hate that societal expectations are the most likely thing I can foresee causing me to wean at this point, whether that is in the next few months or after his first birthday.

Did you know that the "natural" self-weaning age for a child is typically between 18 and 24 months, but that biologically our ancestors likely continued occasional nursing for even a few years after that?

tokenhoser

I'd say the self weaning age is more like 24-48 months - in cultures that don't have baggage around breastfeeding, that's when it happens.

I say all you have to say is "This is working for us, so we're going to continue." I'm at a year, and my baby is still breastfeeding A LOT. I return to work next week, but I'm not going to pump. We've had a practice run this week and while it's been hard (he's not eating OR drinking anything at daycare), it's been fine. My supply is fine. My boobs are fine. My baby is hungry when I get him (he's only been staying 6 hours, next week will be 8), but he's alive and just nurses like crazy from when I get him to bedtime.

So if you can plan to pump to 12 months, then you can probably reclaim your lunch break and still nurse if you want to.

ArcadianDreams

Yes, I think right now I'm planning to keep pumping as long as he is taking the milk, although I'll probably cut back at 12 months by necessity since it is no longer a protected break time.

kel716

I'd say keep going, and I like the pp's suggestion of saying "this is working for us, so we're going to continue."

Also, if you stop, you have to offer formula, which is not something I'd want to pay for or do if I didn't have to.  Breastmilk or formula is the primary source of nutrition until age 1.  After age 1, babies should have whole milk and solid food as their source of nutrition. 

And I wouldn't worry about what others think... much easier said than done though, as I had a few coworkers annoyed with me when I was still pumping at 6 months+ with DS

ns1

I feel kind of the same.  My "big" goal is 1 year, but I think I've bumped that up as I've been bf'ing (I started out saying 1 year, but in the back of my mind I've had a million smaller goals for myself that I've been crossing out as I get to them).  It is crazy that 6 months have come and gone already!  I couldn't imagine stopping now.  It's just getting...fun...maybe not the right word, but I love when DD stops nursing now and looks up and smiles at me.  Or when she nurses and we cuddle before bed!  I can tell the people at work are thinking...when will you stop taking my office to pump!...it's been over 6 months, but...screw 'em!  Pumping and working (now boiling everything with thrush too) is a huge pain, but it's worth it to me!

Congrats on making it, and good luck continuing!   

AmyRI

Congrats on making it to your goal!

I know how disheartening it is to be sick of pumping at 6 months and try to think about doing it for 6 more.

What helped me was being able to drop a pumping session. Sometime around 6-7 months, DS started eating a meal of solid foods. So, I dropped one of my 4 pumping sessions and it really made me feel a lot better about continuing.

Breast milk (or formula) should remain the main source of nutrition until 1 year of age... and that statement means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. My goal was to provide more than 50% of his calories from my milk until he was 1, while others choose to breastfeed almost exclusively and have only small amounts of practice food until age 1. What worked for me was to slowly work DS down to the 50/50 split by 12 months. Next week (yay!!!!) he will be 1, and I will stop pumping completely. DS will still nurse morning/night until he chooses to be done, and he will get a bottle of breast milk before his nap until my stash runs out, then WCM during the day. This schedule makes it so that the only people that still know I am nursing are my DH and my doc, so I don't have to deal with people's opinions on BF. And I get my lunchbreak back. I am really looking forward to that

valerieanne9015

Pretty sure I could have written the OP word for word.  As soon as DD turned 5 months I realized that my 6 month goal was only 1 month away.  3 weeks from today my goal is met!  As I'm so excited that I made it, I'm now trying to figure out my next goal.  I just keep thinking to myself, what's the point in stopping now...so I can deal with bottles and spending $$$$ on formula?  No thank you!!  While DH is totally supportive of BF and assumed I would BF before we had even talked about it, he asked me the other day how long I was going to do this.  He then made a joke about what would be too long, but reading between the lines I could tell he was thinking it's been long enough.  I know he will go with whatever I want to do, I just don't want to have to deal with any negative comments from anyone!

SilliRy

Congratulations on reaching your goal!

I'm still BF-ing my DD, and I do get comments from people. I can't imagine having stopped at 6 months...I still think breastfeeding was just so 'easy' for us...no bottles (when I was home), no formula to mix, no worries about having clean water/right temperature when we were out and about. I can't imagine willingly choosing formula over BFing, especially with no known BFing issues.

I am also a strong believer in the health benefits of BFing. My DD has been in daycare since she was 3 months old and she has (knock on wood!) never truly been sick. She has had a couple of mild colds, but I've gotten sick far more than she has and I know BFing has given her very important immunities. My DH got a terrible stomach bug two weeks ago and ended up hospitalized...she was totally fine the whole time.

Ignore the comments. Tell them you're doing what works for you. You'll get comments about all sorts of things for as long as you're a parent, so if it's not BFing it'll be something else.

Congratulations again! 

Ashley&Scott

You're not alone. The longer I bf & the more I read about extended bfing the more I see myself going in that direction. I've already told DH I see us going at least to one year, probably longer. He laughed & said he had already figured that out. (I would definitely talk to your DH. If he's been cool with it this far his reaction may surprise you.)

I'm not looking forward to the questions & comments that will likely result but I'm not going to let that discourage/stop me. We have a family reunion in July, DS will be around 6 months at that time. I fully expect family members to comment on the fact that we're breastfeeding. (since everyone else is/was on formula) I plan to have a list of the benefits prepared. While "this is what works for us" would be sufficient I feel like listing a few benefits would carry more weight. 

Congrats on making it to 6 months!

ArcadianDreams

SilliRy:

Congratulations on reaching your goal!

I'm still BF-ing my DD, and I do get comments from people. I can't imagine having stopped at 6 months...I still think breastfeeding was just so 'easy' for us...no bottles (when I was home), no formula to mix, no worries about having clean water/right temperature when we were out and about. I can't imagine willingly choosing formula over BFing, especially with no known BFing issues.

I am also a strong believer in the health benefits of BFing. My DD has been in daycare since she was 3 months old and she has (knock on wood!) never truly been sick. She has had a couple of mild colds, but I've gotten sick far more than she has and I know BFing has given her very important immunities. My DH got a terrible stomach bug two weeks ago and ended up hospitalized...she was totally fine the whole time.

Ignore the comments. Tell them you're doing what works for you. You'll get comments about all sorts of things for as long as you're a parent, so if it's not BFing it'll be something else.

Congratulations again! 

Me too! He's brought home a minor cold every other week or so. He'll be stuffy for a few days with maybe a slight cough but somehow I always catch them and end up miserable for a solid week.

Mrs.MauiBride24

Congrats and good luck!  Definitely keep going!

I'm sorry your DH isn't supportive.  That has to be hard.  If you ever felt like you needed to "argue" your point, calculate how much formula would cost for a month and tell him how much you're saving the family!  Most men like saving $!