Romance is hitting the skids

jertie

For the second time in as many weeks I have turned my head when DH leans in to give me a good-bye smooch when he leaves for work.  So instead of kissing me on the mouth, he lands on my cheek instead.  This is a completely automatic response and surprises both me and him.  In my world a peck on the cheek has always been for family and friends and a kiss on the lips is solely reserved for my husband.  Both of us are finding this new Freudian trend a little disturbing - even more so given that we haven't really had relations for almost a month now - the hormones are really doing a number on me and sex hurts like hades. 

Anyone else experiencing the drastic change in your love life now that the bambino/a is here?  Any advice on how to feel more like a woman than a mom all the time?  (I've been getting ready every morning - make-up, hair, outfit, shower, shave,etc. - but he doesn't seem to notice and the only time I ever really get a kiss is when he leaves for work or when we go to bed.)

vflipo

There was a pretty big change here. We didn't have sex the whole time I was pregnant, and then still not until a few months PP. We do it pretty rarely now, maybe monthly or a little more often. We hardly ever see each other, so that has something to do with it also.

I hope people have some advice, because I need it, too.

ksulli

We were sexless from the BFP until LO was 6mos old with one exception. I started feeling more like myself/a woman/a wife long before DH took any notice, and it sucked.  I feel your pain. 

My OB spoke with me about it when I went for my annual (dd was 5 mos old) and said you just have to do it. Even if it's planned and 'not sexy', just having sex (or being otherwise intimate if sex is still off the table for your lady parts) reestablishes the connection. We went for it (with lube) a few days later and I think she was right. Just going through the motions once reminds you both of what you were/should be to eachother. 

We certainly aren't what we were, but I think that's the reality when you hit chronic sleep deprivation.  I have learned that foreplay has to take center stage for things not to hurt, and that quick sex because of all the earlier action is actually a good thing. 

Zed58

I don't know what's worse, missing out on those things (the kisses and the sexy time) or just going through the motions of them, like I am.  I love dh more then anything.  I want nothing more then to "want" him as much as he wants me, but really...I'm preoccupied and tired.  I do the things he wants/needs, but it isn't because I'm excited about it.  It's more because I don't want him to get shafted while I'm in a slump.

It happens. As the saying goes..'this too shall pass'

Good Luck! 

vflipo

Zed58:

I don't know what's worse, missing out on those things (the kisses and the sexy time) or just going through the motions of them, like I am.  I love dh more then anything.  I want nothing more then to "want" him as much as he wants me, but really...I'm preoccupied and tired.  I do the things he wants/needs, but it isn't because I'm excited about it.  It's more because I don't want him to get shafted while I'm in a slump.

It happens. As the saying goes..'this too shall pass'

Good Luck! 

That's it exactly! DH is horny all.the.time. But I'm kind of "meh" about it. I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's hard for me to just "go through the motions." It's not enjoyable and I feel like he's still getting the shaft.

jertie

It is good to know that I'm not the only one out there.  Thanks for sharing your stories ladies and for the advice!  It's weird how things have progressed - I was okay for about 2 months after Pip's arrival, but now whenever I mention it DH yawns and says he's tired, or that he doesn't want to hurt me.  He was all crazy to get down to business in March, but it's like switch has been flipped and he suddenly has no interest.  I'm sort of ok with it, considering how tired I am (plus, I'll be heading back to work in a week and half so I'll be even more tired) - but I know this can't be a healthy thing and I really long to see that twinkle in his eye like before.