Am I just being a judgey FTM ? (long)

nattlynn6

Ok so I since I have announced my pregnancy on FB I have gotten a ton of messages from moms who are giving me advice or telling me how much I will just LOVE being a mother (I have 50 friends mostly family and co workers these people are just people who have heard the word). While this is all fine and dandy I am kind of annoyed to say the least here is why:
I feel like these moms are lumping me in with them and we have nothing in common besides the fact that we are around the same age . I hate to sound like a judgmental b*itch but many of these people were young mothers as am I and I HATE the way they act. I have been judging them for years on their parenting:( I know. One of the girls who is constantly commenting on pictures and messaging me (yes she is my friend I accepted her bc at one point we were good friends and if I didnt it would cause more drama than I really care about having) is just terrible she wants to give me all this mommy advice when she goes out every single weekend, her and the father of her children break up scream and fight in front of their kids and last year he was arrested for a DWI with there 8 month old and 3 year old in the car and she blasted on FB about screw the cops you suck yatayata. I am not saying this from gossip I have actually witnessed this and broke off our friendship with a big falling out from the way she acts with her kids. This is just example a lot of the people who messaged me or call me or text me act like pigs.

The point of this post is that I am a younger mother (23) and  I hate hearing from young mothers who act like trash and go out every weekend half naked and get drunk and falling over about the joys of mother hood and how great  being a mom is. I hate to look at other moms and say "ill never act that way Ill never do that" when I am not in their shoes.. the truth is I am a young mom and this was not a planned pregnancy. Yes I am in a wonderful relationship married and have a great life but im not a mom yet and I hate to judge someone in a situation that I have no idea about. Do you think Im being a stuck up judgey FTM or am I seriously on track here about not wanting to  give these moms the time of day with their advice and raves about motherhood

DemoDoll

I just think you should defriend them from FB and be done with it. If you don't plan to be friends with them IRL, I don't see what drama it would start by not being their FB friend. If someone is annoying me on FB, I just defriend them, problem solved. 

LeanneOfHonour

I too, am 23, and married.  I don't go out clubbing/partying at all.  I haven't been into that since I was 19.  Which, was 4 years ago, yeah, but a lot has changed in 4 years.  I became a Christian, graduated from university, became the manager of my company, got married, and now am welcoming our first baby into our family.  

It's easy to be judgmental of those who don't mature as fast as we do, or take the same path that we think is right.  Its not common for Mums to be out partying and drinking till they fall over when they are 30... and we scowl when they do at any age.  Sure.  But I think its best to bite your tongue and try not to take too much offense.  They are probably excited to have another pregnant friend!  (unless they are actually risking harm to their babies, in which case there is NO excuse, like your DWI comment.  That's just plain scary. I'd delete that 'friend' as it seems you won't be hanging out with her any time soon anyways)

nattlynn6

Like I said in the post Im not friends with them on FB. They are just girls I know from HS or college who find out about my pregnancy and feel its necessary to text or FB message me (you dot need to be my friend to message or text). There is not FB drama I normally just reply with a simple thanks I'm just saying it urks me to hear from them about how great of moms they are and their kids are their world when I have witnessed them acting the complete opposite way

mccafffa

DemoDoll:

I just think you should defriend them from FB and be done with it. If you don't plan to be friends with them IRL, I don't see what drama it would start by not being their FB friend. If someone is annoying me on FB, I just defriend them, problem solved. 

this. Unless you plan to mend these relationships in real life, save yourself the stress. If you get that dropping feeling in the pit of your stomach every time they comment, it's just unhealthy for you and the baby. Stress is an ugly drug!

As a side comment, don't put yourself in the category of "young moms" as if it's a bad thing. For every young mom making bad decisions, there are are older ones. The setting hardly matters. Take pride in the fact that you're recognizing the differences between you and these women, and separate yourself  

ETA: Oahp, I also thought you meant you were friends on FB. Block 'em!  

triagain2

I can kind of understand where you are coming from. I have a FB friend who has a daughter and will post about how much she loves this daughter every twelve seconds but is almost always partying every weekend. Its just ridiculous. I'm sure she loves her daughter but how she behaves is not really indicative of 1. love and 2. wanting the best for her.

I get it. But I don't think anyone will lump you with those people unless you act like that. You have a clean slate for now.

AprilAngie

Scout2005:

I think they are just trying to be nice and congratulate you on your pregnancy/welcome you to the "mommy club." It's fine to see behaviors you hope not to replicate in your own life, but yeah. You do sound pretty judgmental, especially given this was instigated by well wishes.

I would take the sentiment, ignore the advice that doesn't fit your idea of parenting, and not worry about it beyond that. I would also suggest weeding your FB friend list at this point, if you don't want more of the same once LO arrives.

eta: The DWI thing would get my side-eye as well, to be fair.

 

I agree with this 

dufferoo

Sure, I think you're being judgey, but not necessarily stuck-up. I was a young mom once too and I remember hating to be lumped into a group with some of the other young moms I knew! I think your main problem is that you announced your pregnancy publicly (on FB) and so now people are treating it like it's public domain. Definitely don't feel like you have to heed their advice, but also keep in mind that you too will make decisions one day that others will frown upon, so try not to hate too hard.

Steph73005

Trust your judgment. To me it sounds like you have the right instincts to be a good mom and they don't want to give up all the drama to focus on their children.  The sad thing is the lasting impact observing that kind of behavior will have on their children.  I agree with PP about deleting friends from FB. It feels great to delete the annoying FB friends, especially when you think about whether you even talk to them off FB.  You should look into a new mom group b/c chances are it will have moms who have similar priorities.