Is this mean?

mcongdon18

I posted on the baby shower board and a lot of people agree that second showers thrown by YOURSELF are incredibly tacky. Not to mention they also said bring a package of diapers for a diaper raffle. And the registered items are quite more on the pricey side. Oh and they have a daughter thats maybe 2. The invite just seems very gift grabby and maybe Im being a b!tch but you would think if your asking for a 300 breast pump you would spend more than 99 cents on the invites. 

Well what kind of "gift" would you bring. Is it wrong to just buy a couple onesies on sale and call it a day? Im guessing a lot of family will be there and I would like to see them, but thats about the only reason I would go.

My mom said "its ok when baby is different gender" but I couldn't help but think uhm them buy the baby gender neutral stuff if you can't afford to buy stuff again. Its not that hard. What would you bring to this second baby shower?  

Amegamogo

I'd bite the bullet and get something cute or useful.  I wouldn't go out of my way to buy something really expensive.  Just tell yourself, it's for the baby, not the tacky parents.  I do agree that second baby showers thrown by yourself are self indulgent.  But what can you really do?  Lots of folks are doing this more and more often these days.

weaslewam

1st of all - I don't think you're mean to be thinking the way you are. It does seem very gift grabby to me. But if you feel like you can afford to buy them a gift, don't worry about not spending $300 for a breast pump (which maybe they included in a registry for the completion discount?) and just pay whatever you can afford. By no means should you over extend yourself to buy a gift for anyone!

Personally, I would toy with not going at all but just sending a "congrats" card in the mail when the baby arrived. 

Maybe I'm being mean today because i feel like death. HA!

lindsayanne14

I just posted a similar question on the December 2012 board because I was invited to a 2nd baby sprinkle.  A full blown 2nd shower seems a little greedy to me and I think you should buy whatever you want.  I would like to think that most brides or moms-to be have a shower to celebrate a milestone in their lives with friends and family and for the most part are happy that those close to them come to share in their happiness.  What about family and friends who can't afford an expensive gift?  I would say go to the shower with the goal of celebrating a new life, not satisfying a registry! 

Mrs.DeliaMarieP

I actually just posted about this on PGAL yesterday.

I agree, that second showers thrown within a reasonable amount of time (i.e. <6-8 years) of the first, are tacky, and I think any shower thrown by yourself is tacky in and of itself.  I do feel bad for people whose families/friends don't choose to throw them a shower, but I don't think it makes it fair game to throw one for yourself.

I don't think I would go to one like you described above, because it is just ridiculous in so many ways and I wouldn't send a gift either, I would give a gift once the baby was born.  But, if I had no choice but to go, I would probably go with something off registry if there was nothing reasonably priced on the registry. 

I would still go to one that someone throws for themself, and I would give the same gift I would give otherwise, but I would just think it was a little tacky.

Randa&Jerm

For any shower I typically buy whatever I can afford at the time.  If that means a pack of diapers, or a simple cute onsie, or something bigger off the registry then I will.  While I'm ok with second showers, but not really cool with the parents themselves throwing one, then I'd probably go the cheaper route, depending on how I feel overall about the couple. 

I also believe that a gift is just that, a gift. It should not be something that is earned or guilted into giving or an obligation to give.  Give what your heart tells you to give and if you feel bitter about the whole event, choose to not attend and send a congratulations card instead.

Meli B

I think you get what you want. You take in consideration how close you are to the couple, what the baby would actually need and what you can afford.

momsarah24

I think your being RUDE! It's the choice of the mother and I believe it's rude of someone to question it.. if you don't like it don't attend. 

starrkitten89

I don't think it's ever ok for someone to throw their own shower, whether it's the first or tenth.I think sprinkles are ok if they remain small and someone else throws them.

I would get something really small (like the aforementioned onesies,diapers,etc.).

hols0326

I think 2nd showers for a different gender are perfectly fine. However, it is weird that they're throwing it for themselves. Everyone is entitled to want gender-specific baby gear, so to suggest that they should have bought neutral stuff the first time around is unfair IMO. I would find something on the registry in the price range you want, or just don't use the registry. Or you could get a gift card. Just because they registered for expensive stuff, doesn't mean you have to buy it.

eav2c

momsarah24:

I think your being RUDE! It's the choice of the mother and I believe it's rude of someone to question it.. if you don't like it don't attend. 

You must have no ettiquite then... 

mcongdon18

Meh, I have to rsvp in a few days and I might just go to see family I haven't seen in a long time and bring a couple onesies. I know the baby should be celebrated but eh I still stand firm on "it shouldn't be your family and friends responsibility to get more baby stuff for you because you didn't want gender neutral" or couldn't afford to buy all new stuff. Thanks for the insight ladies. 

mcongdon18

MandJS:

mcongdon18:

Meh, I have to rsvp in a few days and I might just go to see family I haven't seen in a long time and bring a couple onesies. I know the baby should be celebrated but eh I still stand firm on "it shouldn't be your family and friends responsibility to get more baby stuff for you because you didn't want gender neutral" or couldn't afford to buy all new stuff. Thanks for the insight ladies. 

I think that's a great plan. And I agree with your sentiments 100%. 

Im not sure why this invite urks me so much but I don't understand why people think babyshowers are just a free reign for all the gifts you can get. I mean its your choice to have a baby but come on people don't need to shower you AGAIN. I think Im the 5% of the population that I would only register for bottles, binkies and maybe a bottle warmer and wipe warmer. WE want to provide and don't expect people to give such huge gifts or gifts at all.  

Ax2

momsarah24:

I think your being RUDE! It's the choice of the mother and I believe it's rude of someone to question it.. if you don't like it don't attend. 

Oh honey... this probably isn't the place for you. 

mcongdon18

MandJS:

mcongdon18:

MandJS:

mcongdon18:

Meh, I have to rsvp in a few days and I might just go to see family I haven't seen in a long time and bring a couple onesies. I know the baby should be celebrated but eh I still stand firm on "it shouldn't be your family and friends responsibility to get more baby stuff for you because you didn't want gender neutral" or couldn't afford to buy all new stuff. Thanks for the insight ladies. 

I think that's a great plan. And I agree with your sentiments 100%. 

Im not sure why this invite urks me so much but I don't understand why people think babyshowers are just a free reign for all the gifts you can get. I mean its your choice to have a baby but come on people don't need to shower you AGAIN. I think Im the 5% of the population that I would only register for bottles, binkies and maybe a bottle warmer and wipe warmer. WE want to provide and don't expect people to give such huge gifts or gifts at all.  

Precisely. I'm making a registry, and I do have a pump and new car seat on it. But that's because with S, I used hand me down ones from SIL, and the pump is now dead and the car seat has expired. And I want the registry completion coupon for purchasing. But I also will NOT be having another shower, and my registry is "private". And my shower with S was after she was born, and I still only registered for green/gender neutral items, and anything that was gear that was girly got exchanged. The mom to be you're describing appears to lack manners.  

They are very nice people and the christian in me says help people when people are in need but I can't help but feel its so gift grabby and diaper grabby. If you need diapers that bad you probably should be evaluating the choice on having a second child. And we aren't that close to them which gives me a hunch that its a huge shower. We too are planning on doing a private registry just for items to get the completion coupon from. And buying tons of cute gender neutral so it can be used a second time. Im not huge on obnoxious pink and blue stuff anyway.  

BurgHeaven

I'd just give a gift card to one of the stores she's registered at!

dana2die4

hols0326:

I think 2nd showers for a different gender are perfectly fine. However, it is weird that they're throwing it for themselves. Everyone is entitled to want gender-specific baby gear, so to suggest that they should have bought neutral stuff the first time around is unfair IMO. I would find something on the registry in the price range you want, or just don't use the registry. Or you could get a gift card. Just because they registered for expensive stuff, doesn't mean you have to buy it.

 

THIS!!!

 

sschwege

I have a friend who threw herself a shower/sprinkle whatever you want to call it.   She didn't to my knowledge register, but I never asked.  It just left a bad taste in my mouth.  I didn't go nor did I send a gift.  She also didn't come to mine because she had tickets to a baseball game, so I definitely didn't feel bad.  I did bring a small gift when I came to meet the new baby, but I do that regardless. 

If you want to go then go.  I would just bring some diapers or something. 

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mcongdon18

dana2die4:

hols0326:

I think 2nd showers for a different gender are perfectly fine. However, it is weird that they're throwing it for themselves. Everyone is entitled to want gender-specific baby gear, so to suggest that they should have bought neutral stuff the first time around is unfair IMO. I would find something on the registry in the price range you want, or just don't use the registry. Or you could get a gift card. Just because they registered for expensive stuff, doesn't mean you have to buy it.

 

THIS!!!

 

Can you explain how you agree with that? because you bought all obnoxious pink stuff you deserve all brand spankin new baby gear from friends and family? I really don't get your thought process and how you think its "ok". To me it says hey everyone we got Knocked up again with a different gender and instead of us providing were going to ask everyone to pitch in again.

mcongdon18

dana2die4:

hols0326:

I think 2nd showers for a different gender are perfectly fine. However, it is weird that they're throwing it for themselves. Everyone is entitled to want gender-specific baby gear, so to suggest that they should have bought neutral stuff the first time around is unfair IMO. I would find something on the registry in the price range you want, or just don't use the registry. Or you could get a gift card. Just because they registered for expensive stuff, doesn't mean you have to buy it.

 

THIS!!!

 

Can you explain how you agree with that? because you bought all obnoxious pink stuff you deserve all brand spankin new baby gear from friends and family? I really don't get your thought process and how you think its "ok". To me it says hey everyone we got Knocked up again with a different gender and instead of us providing were going to ask everyone to pitch in again.

HappyLadyy

I don't think that throwing a shower for your second is too bad if it is a different gender. But I feel that throwing it yourself is so tacky! That appears greedy. Where as if your family wants to throw you a shower that is their chose. I wouldn't register for anything though or expect anything. I had a cousin who had a small shower after she had her baby. It was nice for the family to be able to meet baby #2. She didn't register or ask for anything. I had a friend who had a shower for herself for her second girl. It was so tacky and she registered for very expensive items she didn't have for her first. I didn't go crazy and buy anything of her registry. I just got bath stuff and diapers. Easy and she could use it for both.

irishsmiles428

I am so glad I am not the only one to feel this way! I have a friend who had a sprinkle 2 years after her first baby!  Puh lease!

berrysweet

I think the whole second shower thing is really regional. Here, people are thrown showers for every baby. In fact, the ladies at church would be really offended if someone turned down a shower. I can't tell you how many showers for second or third kids I've been to, and usually I'm quite happy to go, as is everyone else there.

However, it seems that the typical shower in this region isn't quite the same as other places either--a typical gift would be an outfit or two OR a package of diapers. Nobody (other than maybe the grandparents-to-be) buys large gifts. If you don't attend, there's no real obligation to send a gift.

That said, I do think throwing a shower for yourself is kind of strange...

elevendiamonds

Throwing a shower for yourself in ANY circumstance is blech.

Showers aren't meant to provide for essentials but for what those who are doing the showering WANT to give. Nothing is mandatory. Registries help with figuring out what things are still needed and wanted but are not mandatory.

 

elevendiamonds

Let me clarify, showers for second babies are fine so long as the mother isn't throwing one or insisting for one.

I have a friend who BEYOND INSISTED that she have a baby shower for her second and it really rubs me and her other friends the wrong way. We've minimized it to a meet and greet tea but still. She insists all pregnancies and babies need to be celebrated. What she doesn't realize or refuses to acknowledge is that most people love to see new babies and bring them a gift anyway without it being demanded of them.

HappyLadyy

I agree. The ladies at church would be offended if I turned them down. But baby showers are small here. Nothing big and it isn't really to receive gifts but a family celebration. No one buys huge gifts either.

HappyLadyy

Oops meant to quote berrysweet above. 

eebaehr

MandJS:

dana2die4:

hols0326:

I think 2nd showers for a different gender are perfectly fine. However, it is weird that they're throwing it for themselves. Everyone is entitled to want gender-specific baby gear, so to suggest that they should have bought neutral stuff the first time around is unfair IMO. I would find something on the registry in the price range you want, or just don't use the registry. Or you could get a gift card. Just because they registered for expensive stuff, doesn't mean you have to buy it.

 

THIS!!!

 

GAH! No. NO NO NO NO NO. Yes, everyone is entitled to WANT the world. Gender specific gear, a fancy house and car, etc. HOWEVER. That does not mean that they should EXPECT OTHER PEOPLE to pay for their wants. You know the saying, your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency? SAME CONCEPT. Someone's decision to register for all pink for their first born child, a daughter, does NOT mean that their friends are OBLIGATED to shower them with ANYTHING the second time around. Showers are meant to shower NEW MOMS. A 2nd time mom is NOT a new mom. If she wants new gear, then she can go to the store and pay for it. END OF DISCUSSION. 

The excuse that a baby of the opposite sex is an exception to the no second shower rule is one of my biggest pet peeves. IT IS NOT AN EXCEPTION! If anything, it comes across as even more gift grabby!

Yes! Yes!

I think people have forgotten that showers are not to celebrate new babies, but new moms.  It's a party to set them up for their life with children, and if you registered for a pink high chair and you're next kid is a boy, sucks to be you.  I don't agree with them...I mean of course I am going to get a new baby a little something to bring the parents, an outfit or some onesies.  But I sure as hell am not going all out like the first time, and I don't expect anyone to do that for my baby either.  It is our responsibility to provide for our growing family...

KRIS10L

I think it's a little weird. I'm sure family would still buy gifts for the new baby. I'd just give her a token gift- something you'd give her whether she had a shower or not.

As far as registering for $300 gifts...Those are great for group gifts. A friend of mine registered for a $200 + item. It was one of the more expensive items on the list. A group of us chipped in and bought it for her. No one spent more than they would individually, and she got a fantastic gift she didn't have to purchase on her own.

m3l0d1

If she really wants to organize her own party, she should do meet the baby party instead. That'll be a different story.

I agree with provide everything on your own for your baby. With our first, we bought the big items ourselves and we only have small items below $40 in our registry.