Is this how friendships are for preschoolers? — The Bump
Pre-School

Is this how friendships are for preschoolers?

I can't tell if this is normal for preschoolers, or if DD is just dramatic.  (well, ok, I know she does tend to be dramatic, but I don't know if she's just being overly dramatic about this issue specifically).  DD seems to play well with the kids in her class from what I've observed, and I've never heard from her teachers about any problems between her and her peers.  But every day on the car-ride home, I ask her about her day...what did you do, who'd you play with, etc.  And every.single.day she has complaint after complaint about the kids in her class- "Elijah was mean to me", "Charlotte's not my friend anymore, she's Lily's friend now", "Taylor wouldn't let me play with her", "Ryan's not my friend, now he's Parker's friend".  I always try to put a positive spin on it and say something like "Oh, well that's okay, you have lots of other friends you can play with, right?"  But again I get a negative response, about how someone was mean to her or wouldn't play with her.  Does your preschooler do this?  I've thought about asking her teachers how she's been relating to her friends, but just haven't found a good time to do it.
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Re: Is this how friendships are for preschoolers?

  • Yep, pretty normal.  They don't know how to say "I don't want to play with you today, can I play with you tomorrow instead?"  It comes out as "you're not my friend" and then the next day they play together again. They also don't have my empathy yet.  But, the teachers should be giving them some guidance about how to do this the right way, IMO.  That's what they're in PS for.
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • Very Normal.. My daughter is in Preschool and I am also a Preschool teacher and I hear it allllll day long!  
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  • Normal. Ds doesn't talk about his day much (usually says he doesn't know, nothing or he can't remember when I ask) but when he does tell me something it's often of the nature you mentioned. I typically just respond with "Wow. That wasn't very nice of Lily, was it? We should be nice and play with everyone"
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  • My older DD is almost 6 and in PreK and this sounds like her.  I asked her teacher about it and she laughed and tells me the real story which is that my DD has tons of friends, is well liked and her day is nothing like what she tells me.  I ask specific questions and that typically gets her talking about the good things of her day. 
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
  • Glad to hear some of these other responses.  My DD says these same things as well (and also routinely tells me that she's not going to be my friend when I ask her to do something she doesn't want to do).  Her teachers all say she's friendly and polite to her classmates, but occasionally she wants to be by herself, so we talk about that and words she can use if she wants to be by herself.  
  • Very Normal.. My daughter is in Preschool and I am also a Preschool teacher and I hear it allllll day long!  

     

    This!   

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  • imageMrs Manners:
    Normal. Ds doesn't talk about his day much (usually says he doesn't know, nothing or he can't remember when I ask) but when he does tell me something it's often of the nature you mentioned. I typically just respond with "Wow. That wasn't very nice of Lily, was it? We should be nice and play with everyone"

    This exactly

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  • imagejlw2505:
    My older DD is almost 6 and in PreK and this sounds like her.  I asked her teacher about it and she laughed and tells me the real story which is that my DD has tons of friends, is well liked and her day is nothing like what she tells me.  I ask specific questions and that typically gets her talking about the good things of her day. 

    Yeah, this is pretty much how it went down this afternoon when I asked her teacher about it.  She said she's doing great- has lots of friends, gets along well with everyone, and doesn't have any issues at all relating to the other kids.

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  • I really appreciate that DD's teachers don't allow that kind of "you're not my friend" talk at school. The second she hears any kind of talk like that she will cut it off with the phrase "we are ALL friends at school." I think it helps set a good tone in the classroom and DD never comes home complaining of friend drama. Thank goodness... I'm not ready for that kind of stuff yet. :)
    DD 4yo DS 1yo
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