The Great Work Debate-long

danlexi04

My DH is home 4 days a week and works 13 hrs a day for the other 3. I however, am a retail store manager and work at least 5 days a week and at least 40 hrs. We're debating on when to TTC and it's based mostly on work. I would like to be a SAHM, at least until the baby was a bit older, about a year maybe. Financially it would be impossible for me not to work, unless my DH picked up an extra day or 2 of work. If I went back to work, it's not like we would have to put the baby in daycare, but I feel like I wouldn't have enough time with the baby. And if I want to breastfeed, it would be impossible for me to pump at work, not to mention the sleepless nights that I know are coming (we have a 5 year old DD, she didn't sleep for 2 yrs). This all leads to my Great Work Debate...I have no idea how to work this situation out so that everybody is happy....

ali-1411

Good luck - my maternity leave ends in 29 days and I STILL don't know if I'm going back or not!

marrymemylove

Don't be too sure of anything. When I had our baby I thought won't it be nice to be home with him all day. I thought I'd stay home for a year or maybe two. We were lucky we didn't need to rearrange or need the money, we'd been living on DHs salary for a year anyway. I also thought I could blog a bit and keep the house neat as a pin (a lot less work than actually working).?

Well. When the baby was born, I found that I could barely do more than brush my teeth while looking after him all day. He wasn't sick, he didn't have colic, but he was a total full time job and then some. Even thinking of going back to work without childcare would have been like booking a flight to the moon. And as for staying home 2 years, well I'd rather have had my toenails pulled out. I ended up staying home for 15 months but I was counting the days.

?Don't over plan it. Don't over think it. Don't assume you know how you'll feel or how you'll like it when the baby arrives. Everyone tells you the softsoap so I thought I should just throw in the alternative reality.

AlisaS

danlexi04:

My DH is home 4 days a week and works 13 hrs a day for the other 3. I however, am a retail store manager and work at least 5 days a week and at least 40 hrs. We're debating on when to TTC and it's based mostly on work. I would like to be a SAHM, at least until the baby was a bit older, about a year maybe. Financially it would be impossible for me not to work, unless my DH picked up an extra day or 2 of work. If I went back to work, it's not like we would have to put the baby in daycare, but I feel like I wouldn't have enough time with the baby. And if I want to breastfeed, it would be impossible for me to pump at work, not to mention the sleepless nights that I know are coming (we have a 5 year old DD, she didn't sleep for 2 yrs). This all leads to my Great Work Debate...I have no idea how to work this situation out so that everybody is happy....

Plenty of women work full-time and have children very successfully. And their children do extremely well in daycare and with having a mother who is a good role model as a working mother who is successful and happy.

If you have to work - your kid will be fine as long as you are a good mother. It sounds like you won't be happy unless you SAH but you can't. Compromise and embrace it.

beenbizzy

It sounds like you have some questions answer.  Is your DH willing or able to pick up more days?  3 days at 13 hours each is practically FT, so how much more would he need to work?  You mention that you wouldn't have to put your child in daycare, so what would the plan be?  What would it cost?  In regard to BFing, surely there is one place in the store you work that you could get 20 minutes to yourself to pump.  If not, formula isn't the end of the world.  Every child is so different, your next baby might be a great sleeper!

I don't mean to sound un-sympathetic, but it seems like you have a lot of things to think about and most of those can't be dealt with until a baby arrives. 

Maybride2

I'm honestly not really sure what it is that you're looking for by posting this. 

I honestly never had the desire to be a SAHM.  We could make it work financially if I wanted to, but not without a lot of sacrifices that we just aren't willing to make. 

My son loves his daycare and all of the friends that he's made there, and I think that he learns more there than he would staying home with me. 

If you truly truly want to SAH but can't afford to do so right now, then don't TTC until you can.  I'm not really seeing where this Big Debate is coming from. 

AlisaS

I think a lot of women who want to SAH can't fathom that other women might enjoy and embrace being working mothers. And that it is not some guilt-ridden decision.

It is a personal choice, not a great debate.

SoulChild

Your issue cannot be resolved until you have the baby. You dont know how you will feel til after you have the baby.
Meanwhile, Good Luck and start saving money.

danlexi04

It's funny how people take every word so literal when people post. Maybe my post wasn't a "debate" but in my head, it is. I wasn't looking for sympathy or anything other than the honest opinions of other working moms. I'm a working mom myself and just wanted to know how other people felt about it, whether positive or negative. Never did I assume or suggest that one is better then the other. Never did I mean to offend anyone based on their decision to stay at home or go back to work. I was only asking for an opinion, lighten up and don't take everything so literal.

danlexi04

And thank you to the moms that gave an honest and usefull opinion. :0)